Mockingjays fly together
by RubyredGold457
Summary: My version of Mockingjay, both Katniss and Peeta were rescued and taken to District 13. They've survived the arena and now they need to survive 13 & Coin. Katniss still can't sort out her feelings as she plans for the rebellion. Nothing is set in stone, who will die or live? Will the districts ever gain their freedom? And will Katniss ever open up her heart? Full summary inside!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi,**

 **Summary:  
So this story is my own spin on Mockingjay, and its starts with Katniss waking up in district 13, she never woke up on the hovercraft so she has no idea where she is. It follows the same lines of them going to District 13, but that, along with normal parings, is the only thing that is similar. Katniss, Peeta, Johanna, and Finnick have all been rescued from the Games and were taken back to District 13 and it is just Beete and Annie who have been taken by the Capitol. I have tried to make it so all characters act the same way you would expect them to in the books, as in no one is very out of character.**

 **I hope you enjoy this and I am aiming to have around 40 chapters, they are all planed. I hope you enjoy it and please review, it would mean so much to me. Opinions on what I have written and what you would like to see explored, and criticism (Please be nice about it** **though!)**

 **I will put a disclaimer here, and it goes for the whole story, soooo…..I do not own the characters, I am just playing about with them for a bit! They belong to the amazing Suzanne Collins.**

 **Enjoy! X**

My head is pounding every bone in my body aches, every muscles sore. I try to open my eyes but the piercing light that is shining down above me prevents me, I have no idea where I am it smells like chemicals and there is a faint aroma of dirt and mud, a smell that mimics that of the arena. That's when my memory starts coming back. My name is Katniss Everdeen and my father died when I was little in the mines; I have a younger sister named Prim who I have had to care for since my father's death. My mother shut down so I hunted with my friend Gale. But then the unthinkable happened my younger sister was reaped. Chosen to partake in the vicious fight to the death that is known as the Hunger Games, I volunteered in her place. I won. Along side Peeta Mellark. We are the star-crossed lovers, but it's a lie. A year later we were reaped again having to go back into the arena and fight to the death once more at the 75th annual Hunger Games. We were by a tree, I left Peeta, Johanna attacked me, I passed out.

My breathing becomes laboured as I fidget around in bed trying to free my arms that are forced down by a quilt. I sigh trying once more to open my eyes and that's when I hear a voice. It's a voice I would recognise anywhere, it's the voice of the boy with the bread. It instantly puts me at ease, a feeling I am unsure of. Due to years of hunting i focus all my attention on his voice so I can hear what it is that he is saying.

I think the easiest way to go about this Mr Mellark is to tell everyone that she lost the baby. It will easily be accepted what with the trauma you two have been through. It would not have been good for the child, the conditions and stress would have caused a child to easily died in that arena."

My child, the one Peeta faked in hope that it would cause them to cancel the Hunger Games. It hadn't, Snow was too cold hearted of a man to let a story like that change his plans.

"Thank you Dr Aurelius." There is a slight pause, "Do you know when she will wake up?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if she's already awake Mr Mellark. You can go into see her if you wish."

"Thank you, for everything."

"It is my pleasure."

I can make out the shuffling of feet that slowly approach me. The heavy footed step is unmistakable, I take a deep breath my nostrils filling with the scent of bread and cinnamon, a scent that, though faint, still clings to him.

He pulls up a chair, the legs of it scraping across the floor causing me to wince. I listen to him take a seat, still unable to open my eyes. I can hear his heavy breathing, can feel the warmth of it on my neck as he leans in towards me. I feel him take my hand in his own; it's warm and strong, rough from his labouring work but still ever so gentle and caring.

"Hi" I manage to croak out. I had not realised until now how dry my throat is.

I hear Peeta exhale loudly, "Hi" he half chuckles bringing my hand to his mouth and gently kissing the top. "How're you feeling?"

"Sore."

"I'm not surprised Katniss, you have a fractured arm, a massive gash down it, you lost a lot of blood, and you sprained one ankle and both wrists, you also have a concussion. You are covered in bruises and you've been out for 3 days! I've been so worried, I thought I'd lost you." His voice starts to break at the end, even with my eyes shut I know his are brimming with tears. It's what he gets for caring about me; it's why you shouldn't let yourself love so easily. It's painful.

He recomposes himself, "Would you like anything?"

"Can I have water please?"

"Of course," he swiftly gets up and I hear him walk towards the door he came in, "Don't move while I'm gone."

His voice is so full of emotion and love, I don't know how to reply. It's him that's good at words, not me. That's why he does all the talking in interviews, it's why he didn't need to be taught to get sponsors, and he can captivate a nation with a sentence so my reply of "okay" doesn't seem to do him justice.

I once again try to open my eyes; they slowly start to adjust this time and I am met with machines and pale green walls. The pungent smell of chemicals fills my nose, leading me to the conclusion that I am in a hospital. But where?

Only a few minutes pass, for me to think about the extensive list of injuries I have that Peeta seems to have memorised, until I can see Peeta approaching with a plastic cup of water. It's then that I realise he is still in his arena clothes, they are dirty and scorched surly he could have changed in the, was it 3 days he said I was out?

"There you go." He hands me the drink, which I eagerly accept, quickly downing the contents. I place the cup on a table that is next to my bed. It has a clock on it that reads 7:16am. It doesn't tick, I'm thankful. There is also a box of tissues and a bin placed in the right corner of the room, but apart from that the room I am in in bare. It's like a cage. Solid pale green walls surround me and opposite my bed a wall that is half made of glass so passers by can stare at you like a freak show and a white door. Comforting.

I turn back to Peeta, taking in his tired appearance.

"You look tired." I state.

"I am." He replies smiling at me ever so slightly, no doubt finding my bluntness amusing. Not wanting to be laughed at I continue.

"Why haven't you changed?"

"Haven't had the time." He shrugs as if it were obvious.

"Well what have you been doing that has taken up so much of your time?"

"Looking after you." I can't help but blush at this statement; the attention he gives me makes me feel weird, I don't quite know what it is.

"Well that's stupid."

"Sorry."

We are left in silence again, he gets up, putting my cup into the bin and sitting back down next to my bed. His fingers gently brush my cheek as he places a stray strand of my hair behind my ear. The light contact of his fingers on my skin sends tingles down my spine. His blue eyes are staring at me intensely; they glisten as they observe my face. I don't know where to look so I just stare back as his face slowly leans into mine. He has done this enough times in front of the cameras for me to know that he is about to kiss me. But there are no cameras, so why do I have to kiss him?

"Where are we?" I blurt out a bit louder than necessary, causing Peeta to withdraw from me and back into his seat looking crestfallen. Even though his hand is gone I can still feel the warm of where it touched my skin seconds ago. Hurt, he quickly covers his face with a mask I have grown accustomed to, one that broadcasts happiness and content but inside is screaming in pain. But I see the pain on his face for just a second before the mask comes up and I see the pain that I've caused by not loving him and I just want to scream out at the situation we are in. I watch him gulp, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

"Katniss, what do you remember?"

I look at him, puzzled, "Why"

"We aren't in the capital anymore, we got out of the arena, but do remember how?"

"No."

"It was planned from the beginning Katniss, Haymitch was in on it, so was Finnick, Beete, even Johanna. There has been talk of a rebellion in the districts, all because of us. People, they aren't afraid anymore they want to get their lives back from the capitol and stop living in fear. Because of you, they have hope. They see you as their leader Katniss they-"

"I don't want to lead anyone I-"

"Please let me finish, then you can yell or do whatever you want after, but you need to know." I sigh knowing it will be much easier if I just sit and wait. So I let him continue.

"They've been calling you the 'mockingjay' because of the pin you wear. There have been rebellions in some districts more than others such as 8, there are fights on the street. But it died down again when we were reaped again. Snow, he reaped us to do that, to dampen everyones spirit, but when I announced the baby everyone got angry again and he was no better off. I know you promised Haymitch to get me out, but I asked him to get you out and that has always been the plan." I move my mouth about to interrupt again but I restrain myself.

"I know you not always brilliant words Katniss, but you are full of action, and sometimes actions speak louder than words. You are the leader, the person everyone in the rebellion looks to, and if you died then so would the rebellion and that couldn't happen. So some of the victors joined together to make sure that you survived, but when you made it clear you wouldn't leave me I was dragged in the deal as well, so you saved my life again. There was a plan from the day we were reaped that we would get rescued at some point in the games, we just had to stay alive until then. And as you know we got rescued so now we are here, in District 13."

I can't process everything he has just said, how is Johanna on our side? She tried to kill me! How is it that they rescued us? Where is my family if we are in 13? How are we in 13? But all these questions I have all these things I don't know will wait right now I can't cope.

"Peeta, I...I can't be a leader! I don't want to lead anyone! Everyone I love is in danger, I can't be the reason people in the districts are dying aswell! I jut wanted to save my sister, it was all for Prim but it isn't ending. I can't lead. It's you, you're good with words you are always calm and know what to say. I don't. I CAN'T" and I burst into tears.

Peeta is up in a flash, I scoot over in my bed as his arms envelope me in a hug. He climbs into my bed, on top of the sheets. I place my head on his chest and let the tears fall for the first time in what seems forever. With the pressure of feeding Prim and Mom I never cried, not once did I cry, not in all the time I spent alone in the words. Never have I cried in front of Gale. But being here and all this pressure and with Peeta, it is too much and I cry, I feel the pain I have felt through all the years and just let it go as tears. I feel weak, leaders aren't weak. But I am weak, but I have Peeta's arms to be strong for me.

"Shhh, Kat, none of the deaths are your fault. They are Snows, you are brave and you are a leader, you don't have to make the rules and tell people what to do, they just want to see you all strong and fiery with your bow. Maybe you could have a squirrel with an arrow in it's eye in your hand?"

His attempt at making me laugh, though feeble does bring a smile to my face and I just bury my head further into his chest, so far that it must look like we are the same person. I'm embarrassed I don't want people to see me cry, especially someone like Peeta who thinks I'm strong. But as his hands runs down the length of my hair, smoothing it out and whispering comforting words in my ear, I can't help but allow myself to relax and stop caring.

Together we shuffle down on the bed and I lay in his arms just staring at nothing, maybe the ceiling? It's all just a pale green blur as I listen to him breathe in and out.

"I'm not strong enough to do it Peeta." I whisper, too afraid to admit my fears out loud.

I remember telling Gale once. When we were younger, I told him I couldn't keep hunting because I wasn't strong enough to, the lack of food had made me weak and in his own way he had tried to comfort me. 'Suck it up Katniss, if you become weak you'll die. Then who will protect your family?' I know he had meant it with kindness and at the time, the young me had found empowerment in it. But now, this new, scarred, changed me was at a loss and found no comfort in those words.

"I can't protect everyone Peeta."

"You don't need to."

"Yes I do, Prim, Gale, you, my mother and now the districts,"

"That isn't your job Katniss."

"It is, it has been since my father died, and the list of people I have to protect since the reaping is just growing."

"You don't need to protect the districts. They aren't your duty. They decide themselves what they want to do, not you, so their actions are their own. They don't need you to protect them. And as for your family, I'll help you, your not alone Katniss. I know you don't love me, but I won't ever stop loving you. I want to see you happy and will do everything to make that happen."

My eyes tear up, being offered help and his confession of love, even though I already know it, saddens me. It saddens me that the Capital has messed about with such a wonderful man who has so much to give. I also feel guilty I don't love him, and yet he still wants to help. I rub the tears that threaten to fall from my eyes.

"What about your family Peeta, you need to protect your family. You can't spend time protecting mine as well."

Peeta shifts under me, bringing his arm behind his head to rest on.

"They're dead."

His words are met with silence, I don't know how to react, how can they be dead? But then I remember I don't know where everyone is and how we got to District 13. Is my family even okay?

"What?"

"They died trying to escape 12, onl..only Rye survived. He is here now, and so is your family, don't worry, Gale got them out in time. See, even though you can't always be there your family will find a way to protect themselves, Gale will help as well. Not everything is up to you."

I stare at him, his family are dead and yet he still tries to comfort me. 'You could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve that boy.' Haymitch's words ring loud and clear in my ears.

"What happened?" I ask tentatively, pushing myself up and resting on my arm so I am looking straight into his face. I notice his eyes are tearing up and I am over come with the urge to envelope him in my arms as he did me. But I don't I just wait for him to reply.

"They were in the Bakery just before the bombs were dropped. It was just after we were pulled from the arena, Snow, he sent bombs to 12. About one third of 12 survived, and they were rescued by extract teams from 13. People, they've been living here in 13 for years now. We are underground, the surface is still a wasteland but this way Snow doesn't know where we are. This way, he can't drop bombs on us all!" His voice is full of despair.

"But when the bombs started landing my dad went to take my mom and brother out, but my mom refused to cross the seam to get to the extract teams. She was killed by her own snobbery. And she got the rest of my family killed because of it!"

His breathing has quickened and I can tell he is getting very angry so I do the only thing I know that distracts him. I kiss him. It isn't a passionate kiss, it's just to comfort it feels natural to do it. I try to convince myself that it is only natural to want to comfort your friends, but would I do this with Gale? I place my lips on his, short but sweet. I feel him stiffen at my sudden movement but then he relaxes into me. I can tell he wants to take the kiss further but he does't. I draw back and stare into his eyes, my lips warm from where his touched mine.

Peeta gives me a sad smile, "I just...wish I could have said bye more than anything, I don't want you to feel the loss I now do, I don't you to relieve the pain of losing your father again, and you won't not if I can help it."

Maybe it's because he's angry and sad and I feel the need to comfort him, maybe it's because I'm feeling weak and vulnerable right now, or maybe it's because I'm in intense pain. But whatever it is, it leads to my response of "okay". For once in my life I am letting someone else protect me, and consequently my family.

I settle back down into the bed, my arm draped across his broad form, his wrapped around my waist pulling me closer. My head moves with the rise and fall of his chest and I'm almost falling asleep when his voice brings me out of dreaming.

"Katniss, I know everything you said in the games wasn't true, I know you don't really need me, but I'll be here, you know that right? Besides, apart from Rye you've all I've really got now. I'm not expecting you to fall in love with me. But, I want to be your friend, we can't not talk to each other again, not like last time. Last time we were lost coming back from the Games. But it's different now, we've been through more, we are slowly braking. And I need you to put me back together. You can't go through what we have been and not be friends. So all I'm asking is, please don't shut me out. Just be my friend."

He places a kiss on my forehead and strokes my hair one last time and gets off the bed not expecting a reply. Gently placing the quilt back over me, he moves to the chair and sits in it. Placing his head on the armrest he keeps his head propped up as he tries to get some sleep.

I wish I had the courage to thank him for everything, for saving me, for protecting me, and for the simple things, like just. Leaving my bed because he knows i'm not comfortable, even though I know he wants to stay. Any other guy wouldn't have been so kind, yet somehow I can't work up the words to thank him, I just stare at him. Looking at the way his dirty blonde hair falls loosely over his forehead, how the muscles in his arms flex as he re adjusts himself. A few tears escape me as I watch the sleeping form of the boy with the bread wondering how someone so kind of heart had to be thrown into a life like this, it is much the same as Prim. And even though he fears me not talking to him I know that won't happen. Because since these games I've come to realise, though I don't love him, he is my friend. We have been through too much and we are are both different now, tainted by the Capitol.

Before I fall asleep I can't help but feel that everything I said to him in the arena was real. I need him.

 **So there it is, first chapter, what do you think? These first few chapters will be more of setting the scene as I have changed a few things and will introduce new memories and I know Katniss and Peeta also, comes across quite fragile in this chapter, but you need to think about what she has been through, she won't be as fragile in chapters to come, especially when she isn't with just Peeta. But for the moment she needs to clear her head and come to terms with everything that has happened. This chapter is also quite sad, but it won't all be, like life there will be lots of different emotions in this...**

 **...so please keep reading and review, I am still in exams so my updates might not be very quick to start with but once my exams are done I will be able to focus on this more.**

 **I'll see you in the next chapter When Katniss gets some visitors :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello!**

 **Here is the next Chapter, things will start progress now, and just so everyone knows this story has two main focus points, the relationship between Peeta and Katniss, as well as touching on the subject of Gale. And also the rebellion they are fighting in, and the events of the rebellion will play out differently, some people will die, others won't, the war tactics might change, and who knows (apart from me) if they will even win?**

 **I hope you enjoy it. In this chapter I just want to get across the way the characters will be acting and their personalities more than anything.**

"Well isn't this a loverly sight!" Johanna's voice brings me out of my slumber, that and the slamming of the door as she lets Finnick and herself in. Visitors isn't something I really want yet, I didn't mind Peeta being here because he doesn't irritate me, he is content to just sit in silence with me. But I really don't want to speak to Johanna, she is defiantly not on my list of priorities to talk to, I'd rather it be Gale or my family. I still don't know much of what is going on and I don't want to start my day off with an argument. But knowing I just need to get this over and done with I reposition myself on the bed so I am sitting up, still partially covered by the quilt.

"You wouldn't think they'd done it the way they're laying would you Finnick?" she pretends to whisper to Finnick, but she makes it loud enough for me to hear and swiftly turn a bright shade of red. She also knows that what we said about the baby is a lie and this just makes me more pissed off with her interruption than I already was.

"Johanna." Peeta's voice holds an unspoken warning, I had forgotten he was here and it takes me a few minutes to remember where 'here' is.

I then remember when Johanna shoved a knife deep into my arm. I shift in my bed flipping the quilt off of me and standing on my feet. My bones are sore and I ache everywhere. But the urge to hurt Johanna like she did me is more important than rest. How can they be letting someone like her walk around freely? Especially in a hospital! But as soon as I position all my weight onto my feet I feel my knees give way and my ankle scream out in pain as I fall to the ground.

"Katniss!" Peeta exclaims as jumps off his chair and runs around the bed, not quick enough to catch me. He kneels down beside me, a look of worry on his face, I just smile at him. It must have looked more like a wince as he then asks me if I'm okay and proceeds to help me up and guide me to the edge of the bed I just so gracefully fell off. His arms snake their way around my back, and carefully, he picks my up, allowing me to regain my balance and guide me to the edge of the bed so I can sit down. Peeta sits down next to me on the bed. I'm embarrassed at how incapable I am, and that Johanna was there to see me fall. Surprisingly she doesn't laugh, she just stares at me and this only seems to spur on the anger I have towards her. My anger must be written all across my face as Johanna mocks me.

"Awww it poor ickle Katniss angry! Well listen I helped you! Everything I did in that arena was for you honey!"

"Sorry I didn't thank you, I think the blood loss from you shoving a knife in my arm was more of a priority." I almost yell at Johanna, even if she is on our side, whatever our side is, I want answers. And even if she tried to help me it does't mean I have to like her.

She goes to speak again, an angry glint forming in her eyes, Finnick cuts her off.

"How are you feeling Katniss?" Physically Finnick looks fine, but there is a look in his eyes that I've only seen in his eyes once before. When the jabber jays were mimicking the sound of Annie. Its a pain I felt when Peeta was hit by the forcefield and I thought he had died. It's the same look that haunts all my family since the death of my father. I wonder if Annie made it here? If people from 12 were rescued, would they had had the chance to reduce people from other districts?

"Annie was taken by the Capitol, lover boy here has been throwing a pity party ever since." Johanna's bluntness shocks me, but what stocks me more is that Finnick doesn't say anything, he doesn't argue or explain he just continues to stare at me, drowning in his sorrows. The cheeky, confident man I knew at the Capitol is gone.

"How are you Katniss?"

"Good." I say as I stare at him.

"Well, if anyone cares, and I all know you don't, I'm great also!" Johanna pipes in.

Her fake tone irritates me causing me to snap, "Shut up!"

"Have I upset you?" She pretends to wipe a tear away from her face as if she cares, but I've never seen her care for anything. I had thought after she had told us about what Snow had done to her family that we were closer, that she would at least talk to me without getting on my nerves. But I guess some miracles never happen.

"What's your problem? What have I done to you? If anyone should be pissed off around here it's me. You shoved a knife into my arm! And you still haven't told me why.?"

"Chill princess, trust me I did it for your benefit."

"How can I trust you, you've given me no reason to."

"No reason to, god get off your high horse!"

"I wouldn't be on one if people would just tell me what is going on around here."

Johanna goes to approach me, her face starting to turn to anger. I feel Peeta grip on my arm tight as he discreetly moves to defend me. I quickly glance at him to tell him it's okay but the way he is starring daggers at Johanna tells me I probably shouldn't interrupt him.

"Johanna calm down." Finnick speaks up grabbing Johanna's wrist, turning her around to face him. "Just explain to her, you're making this much more dramatic than it needs to be!"

Johanna pulls her wrist free of Finnicks grip and sighs in annoyance, pulling a face just like a baby who is throwing a strop. I really don't see why everyone says she is on our side, she hasn't proved it and she seems more unstable than me. How can I trust her? I also can't help but feel bad for Finnick, he is unable to be with his girlfriend who could be going through some sort of torture right now and he doesn't know and he is also stuck with Johanna, trying to parent her.

"Listen Prnicess, I'll say it once because I don't owe you anything, if anything you owe me. So be quiet."

Naturally I go to interrupt but peeta is quick to stop me. He leans closer to me so his mouth is inches away from my ear, I can feel is warm breath traveling down my neck as he whispers to me, "Please Katniss, it will make sense, just listen to her." As he speaks his lips graze my ear ever so slightly, sturring something inside of me, I ignore it but am unable to speak as I don't trust my voice to come out normal due to his closeness. Instead I just nod my head and try to put a bit of space between Peeta's body and mine without him noticing. But he does notice and I feel terrible as he lets go of me completely and just stares at Johanna as I let her explain.

 **(So Johanna did everything she did because of the same reasons in the actual book so I won't explain them as I want to get on with the story.)**

"So I really don't see why I need to apologise Princess, I only did it to remove your tracker and I put up with Nuts and Volts for you the entire games! So you should be thanking me, because none of this is my fault, it's all Snow's fault."

I don't really know what to say, I'm not good with words. Though everything she has said seems believable I still don't trust her, and I don't know if I will ever be able to be friends, we are too alike, but there is one thing we can settle on and that's our mutual hatred towards Snow.

"Okay."

Next to me I feel Peeta's body relax at my response, he lets go of a breath I didn't realise he was holding and starts to speak, "well now that's settled-"

"But just cause I did all of that for you Princess doesn't mean I like you, got it?" Johanna interrupts.

"Don't worry I feel the same way."

"So when you getting out of here? You've had 3 days off, we've all had to work and you've been lounging around the place with lover boy here" she motions to Peeta, "I'm sure he doesn't mind, he hasn't left you're side, he obviously enjoyed spending the time with you." At this Peeta turns a light shade of pink.

I'm shocked at Johanna's words. He hasn't left my side since we got here? It would explain him still being in his dirty clothes, but why wouldn't he go, has he not visited Rye?

"Jo, lets go, i'm hungry." Finnick, quiet until now heads for the door and is followed by Johanna, and even though I feel bad for Finnick, i'm glad their going, talking to people isn't my strong suit, especially people I haven't known that long and was about to kill a few days ago.

"I hope you feel better Katniss and you should come down to the training room soon, I know they've stored your father's bow in there, Gale bought it from 12 for you." This news brings me joy, the first happiness I have felt since being reaped for the games. The idea of not having my bow scars me, it's been one of the few constant things in my life that I trust. Even though it wasn't Finnick who got it for me I still say thank you as he leaves.

Sadly Johanna isn't quite ready to leave yet as just before she walks out the door she turns back around her mood has become much more somber, "Katniss I am on your side and next time we see Snow I will kill him. Painfully, I promise."

I almost smile at what appears to be a way of bonding with me, but I also know she means what she is saying. Snow has ripped everyone she loves from her and she is fighting for revenge, justice, and to protect everyone else who has loved ones. Just as I am.

"Not if I get to him first, I will only feel safe when my arrow goes straight through his head and I watch the life leave him. He can never be able to hurt anyone else again. We've all suffered too much."

"Yeh, we have." It's only momentary, but I see pain flash through her eyes, it isn't a sarcastic reply, just the truth, and that hurts more than any insult ever could.

"We'll get him, we will make him pay. I might miss for you, just get him in the side so he bleeds out painfully until you get there. Then you can finish him off." I shoot her a smile, in an attempt to make the mood lighter. At my words Johanna smiles ever so slightly, not the fake smile she wore at the Capitol but, despite how morbid the conversation is, it is a genuine smile I have never seen before. That smile and the pain she has been through because of Snow makes me think that perhaps we can work together to bring him down. To make him suffer, like he has made thousands do.

Occupied by my gruesome thoughts I had fail to hear Gale walk into my hospital room. It is only as he stands in the door frame and calls my name that I notice him.

"Catnip." He just stands there, he eyes starring into me I become a bit uncomfortable at the intensity of his stare but I don't look away, I've missed him too much. His face is unreadable, I can't tell what he is thinking I never can, I want to hug him. I want to be reminded of home and how everything used to be. Things are so different now that I don't know what to say to him at first.  
I notice him look at Peeta who is still sitting next to me on the bed. The look he gives him is much colder than the one he gave me and i'm not sure why.

"Welllll," Johanna says, rolling the 'l' on her tongue, "as un-awkward as this is I'm gonna go before you kill each other with those looks. See you at lunch Princess, Lover boy."

And with that she walks out the room leaving me alone with Peeta and Gale.

 **There it is the second chapter, how are you guys finding it?**

 **I just want to say that Katniss' feelings towards Peeta are complicated. She thinks it is friendship but is unsure as to why it is different than it is with Gale. She is starting to find more comfort in him than Gale and as the story progresses their relationship will progress positively and negatively.**

 **Hope your liking it, please review it means so much to me, and I'll see you in the next chapter with Gale, what do you think his reaction is going to be? x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, So here is the next chapter!**

 **Again, I don't own the characters they belong to Suzanne Collins!**

 **I'd really appreciate it if you could drop this story a little review so I know what you think of it and if I could improve in any parts? It would mean a lot so, I hope you enjoy it and please review!**

I feel Peeta stiffen next to me as Gale looks back and forth between us and I suddenly become very self conscious of how close we are sitting in the bed. I remain silent staring at Gale.

He is the first to break the silence, knowing I wouldn't be the one to do so, "Best friends with Johanna now? How do you put up with her?"

I stare at him astounded, is that all he has to say? I know we have never been the most talkative, we are comfortable to remain silent in each others company, but after being through a second games and not seeing him since being reaped I expected a bit more of a welcome.

"No, she just came into visit with Finnick. And I don't, trust me I'm exhausted and I've only been awake for about 10 minutes!"

I smile at him as I finish my sentence, but he doesn't smile back. Then I realise that maybe I could have worded things better as I can see the anger flash across his face at the idea that Peeta was already here with me alone. Back in 12, the last time I saw Gale he had kissed me. I hadn't known how to act, he was my closest friend but something about kissing him just wasn't right. Since being back I haven't had time to think about what I would say to Gale, but now he is here I'm anxious, I don't want things to change between us and I don't want it to be awkward. I know any girl from the seam, and even a few of the town kids would love to be kissed by Gale, he is good looking, and a great hunter, and a great friend. But to me that is all he is. Kissing him just wasn't right, I didn't like him the way he likes me and I don't want anything between us to change.

I love him. But not the way a wife loves her husband. I don't love anyone like that and I never intend to because it leads to marriage and that leads to kids. And I don't want kids when they will have a chance of being reaped, an even higher chance now I myself am a victor.

Next to me Peeta is getting up off of the bed, he isn't shooting Gale the harsh looks that he is receiving, he completely ignores him and turns to face me fully.

"I'm gonna go get changed, clean up a little. I'll be back in a bit, you and Gale can talk in private."

I look up at him, the height difference from me sitting on the bed hurting my neck as I strain it.

"Thank you." I am grateful, I know both of these boys like me and that leads to this being one of the most awkward moments in my life.

"Just be careful while I'm gone, I know Gale will look after you, but don't try and make a run for someone again you won't get very far!" he smiles down at me as he says this, Normally a comment like that would annoy me, someone pointing out my mistakes is sure to do that, but I know Peeta is only saying it to make me smile and it works. Momentarily I forget that Gale is here and I just want to lay back down in Peeta's company, tired from Johanna's visit and the ache my body has is starting to grow stronger the more I move.

"Don't worry, nothing stupid from me until your here to help me. Promise." I mock salute him and even though I meant it as a joke, deep down I know I mean it, I won't admit it because I'm not weak. But with Peeta I don't feel as fragile when I admit it. I also don't mind because what I said makes him smile like a cheshire cat as he says bye to me and walks out the door giving a curt nod to Gale as he goes.

Once he has left the room, my eyes following him until they no longer can, Gale approaches me and sits down in the spot that Peeta filled moments ago.

"How are you Catnip, really?" Unlike with Peeta I don't break down into uncontrollable sobs, but I do lean in and hug him. I also don't know why I am comparing him to Peeta so much?

At first he doesn't respond shocked at my forwardness, it's strange for me to ever voluntarily come into contact with someone, even if they are my friends I just always feel awkward. But I need this. I need to be reminded of home. He finally starts to move, wrapping his arms around me we just sit there as I let my mind go blank. After a few minutes however, I start to feel uncomfortable, both of us not used to this type of contact, I lean back so I am still next to him.

"I'm okay I guess, things are still sinking in. I haven't really been awake that long either. I haven't left his room so nothing feels different yet."

He nods his head in understanding, "Your mom wants to see you."

I sigh, why does he have to bring her up.

"I'll talk to her later."

"Prim misses you as well, she's been helping your mom out with hospital work here in 13 since she arrived."

I'm glad to hear that Prim in okay and Gale has been watching out for her, but right now I don't want to talk about my family, because as soon as I talk about them I have to think about them and the danger I have put them in and now need to protect them from.

Gale must sense my unease as he changes the topic.

"Your talking to Johann then? What's that about, someone hit you on the head?" He nudges my side gently in a teasing manner, making sure not to hurt me.

"No she just put a knife in my arm you know, almost the same!" I say it as a joke but he doesn't find it funny. He just shakes his head muttering under his breath, no doubt his plans to murder Johanna.

"How's everyone from 12?" I ask, trying to stop the brooding look that is starting to claim his face.

"Okay I guess, no one likes being stuck underground. And Coin, the leader here, she has everyone following these strict timetables and not everyone is enjoying them, your buddy Haymitch doesn't, especially since they've sobered him up!"

It shocks me to think that anyone could sober up Haymitch without getting a knife to the stomach. Coin must be one hell of a person if she can get Haymitch to stop drinking. I know that Haymitch was in on the plan and that means he chose to save me over Peeta. Again. So next time I see him he will be getting an earful, but even though I'm annoyed at him I know he means well. So I can't agree with the venom that appears in Gale's voice when he mentions Haymitch. Though I'll never admit it out loud I just don't think anyone understands what Haymtich has ben through apart from Peeta and myself, but even then we don't know the full story of what happened to him. Anyone else who has been through the same as us in 12 is dead, so I understand how Gale is annyoyed. He has never really been one to sympathise, unless the person concerned had the same problem as him.

"What's 12 like now Gale?"

"Gone." Hearing him voice it out loud makes my insides turn. "Stone and ruble is all over the floor. And the bones of people. People from 12 Katniss. People I could have saved!"

"Gale you tried, it wasn't your fault! From what you've said a lot of people from 12 have you to thank for still being alive."

"But Katniss, you didn't see it, the flames, they were everywhere and all I could hear was children screaming, families crying. I was in the mines when it happened, the ceiling started to cave in, bits falling down all around us. We all ran to the ladders, we didn't have torches, people dropped them in their panic, I thought I was going to die down there."

I don't know what to say to him, words not being my strong suit I just sit there and let him talk it out, it's how we comfort each other.

"I didn't though, I got out just before the entrance gave way, not everyone got out though, people came running over to us telling us that there were hovercrafts from 13 here to help. I didn't believe them at first, it made no sense. But when I saw one fly in I knew that I needed to get as many people to them as possible. The families of those that had been stuck in the mines were surrounding me so I got them first, they wouldn't move, in denial about what had happened probably. But eventually they followed me and I kept going back for more people, the troops from 13 told me it was pointless that we wouldn't be able to find anyone else alive because the bloody Capital was dropping bombs over 12. But I had to go back, God Katniss it was a mess! There were bodies everywhere, I don't know what I would have done if you'd been in 12 at the time, I got your bow out, passed the place you keep it on the way to the hovercrafts from 13.

"Thank you." I mutter quietly.

"I just hate the Captiol, they are all seflrightoues pricks that need a smacking. They've got that annoying Effie trinket in a dorm a few floors down, don't know why. They should have put her in a cell if you ask me."

I bite my tongue, Effie can be annoying, but Gale doesn't know her like I do, she is different from the first time I met her, she hasn't completely transformed, I don't think she will ever ditch the Captiol completely. I'm glad to hear that she is alive, even if she has a hate party a few doors away from her.

"Oh and your bow, it's in your dorm room with your mom and sister, Coin doesn't know I have it, she doesn't allow possesions like that so I'd keep it secret if I were you. We all know your good at that. I know you didn't have a choice, but it would have been nice to know about the rescue, I just wish you'd told me about the rescue mission, would have made me less frightened watching you in the arena, and made watching you and Peeta less painful."

"I didn't know about the rescue mission Gale."

He looks at me perplexed, "You didn't know?"

"No" I repeat, "I was as clueless as you, I'm not good at acting and keeping secrets everyone that knew felt that it was too risky to tell me. I'm not happy about it, trust me. Preparing yourself to die, it...it takes a lot out of you and to find that you never were going to die, it makes me so mad. I'm not gonna let people off without a talking to, but I know that it was probably the best idea."

"I should have gone when you said."

"You can't change that now Gale, we are all here and even more people are alive because you stayed. Staying was the right choice."

"Why didn't you go then, you could have left on your own with your family when you found out you'd be going back in the arena."

I sigh, there is no way to explain this without telling him about Snow's threats, and I can't tell him that. No one can know about his threats to kill all my loved ones, it will only make things worse.

"I knew Peeta would keep me alive."

"But you said you were prepared to die, didn't you think Peeta could keep you alive till the end?"

"Yes, he could have, but I'd made a deal with Haymitch."

"What deal Katniss?"

"I asked him to save Peeta."

The shock in Gales eyes is understandable, why would I, closed off, lonely selfish Katniss try to save someone who isn't my family? The anger that Gale is starting to show however is unexpected.

"Why kill yourslef for bread boy! God Katniss more people need you than him."

"WHAT! Gale, don't say that he-"

"No, what he said to you on the beach was right, no one needs him, why did you go and say you needed him, you could have made things a whole lot easier if you didn't act like a stupid couple!"

"GALE!"

"NO KATNISS, YOU CAN'T DIE FOR SOMEONE ELSE, I COULDN'T WATCH THAT."

"Gale," The pain in his voice lessens my anger towards him. He stands up off the bed, pacing around in his dark grey suit, hitting one rough hand against the other as I just sit and watch, waiting for him to cool off.

"Why then?"

I don't understand, "Huh?"

"Why act like that if you knew you were going to die, what was the point in acting like you cared about him to get sponsors when you were going to let yourself die anyway?"

I don't know what to say. I just shrug my shoulders as he sits back down on the bed, a bit further away from me than the first time I notice. He is looking at me with blank eyes, no comfort in them just cold anger and confusion.

"Gale, I.."

Trying to sort out my feelings in my own head is hard enough but to voice them is just impossible.

"What Katniss?" He cuts in sharp causing me to jump.

"I don't know Gale okay! Peeta, at first I hated him, a rich kid from town. Of course it angered me when he admitted he liked me but I had to go along with it. To survive, I had to act like I cared for him. You saw how we were after the Games, we didn't even talk to each other. But on the victory tour we did talk, we became friends. Like us Gale. If it had been you I'd have done the same thing-"

"Would you?"

"Yes!" I almost yell, pleading for him to understand.

"You wouldn't have Catnip, I know you wouldn't."

"No you don't, you think I'd let you die?"

"No, but you wouldn't kiss me, you wouldn't act how you do with him around me. Or do you not remember the last time I saw you and your reaction?"

He's referring to the kiss, the one I pushed to the back of my mind, the one I want to forget about. I know he's right, things between us are just different, we've been friends forever, looking after one another, kissing him wasn't right and I know it.

"I just needed to survive Gale."

"I know, but you said you were ready to die, that's not surviving. The Katniss I know wouldn't allow herself to die, not when her family needs her. The katniss I know would never kiss someone who she didn't want to, and defiantly not on TV. The katniss I know is different to you."

I look at him, my heart is beating quicker than normal, not the way it did in the cave with Peeta, but the way it did when I watched Gale get whipped. It's beating out of fear. Fear of loosing someone I care about. I have nothing to say, nothing to argue with because he's right, I have changed so much since the reaping of the 74th games.

"The Games changed me."

He just nods his head looking into my eyes with sadness.

"You didn't have to act the way you did though Katniss, you shouldn't let the Games change you into a person you aren't. And you aren't someone who falls in love in a few hours and almost humps them live on TV."

I blush at his statement knowing that what he said holds some truth.

"Gale, the relationship I have with Peeta, it's different to us, we've been through different things, I don't love him, but I do care for him. He has become one of a few friends I have, and I didn't want him to die, just like I wouldn't want you to die. He has people that need him Gale, not just family, but people in town rely on him for food to live off. It wasn't so bad you know, but it wasn't real." At least not for me, I add in my head. The pain my faking has put Peeta through I will never be able to apoligise enough for.

"I didn't think you ever wanted something like that Katniss, If I had known, I...I'd.."

"You'd have what?"

"I'd have said something sooner."

"Gale, I don't like you that way."

Hurt splashes across his face, so I try to rectify myslef, "I don't want that life, it isn't me, kids, family, marriage, it's not me. I'm a hunter."

"You don't act that way."

"What?"

"The way you were sucking on Mellarks face could have fooled me! You almost did him there and then, not exactly the way you go about not having kids is it?"

"Shut up Gale."

"No, listen, you,"

"Gale."

"You can't act one way and then say-"

"GALE!" He stops ranting and stares at me.

I can't deal with this, my 'friend' lecturing me, if he knew why I was doing it I know he understand, but these new feelings he has for me and not knowing that I'm acting this way to protect him and my family is making him un-levelheaded.

He gets up to leave, anger causing his face to flush, I realise that despite me willing things to be as they were. Admitting his feelings for me, and me going through the games again has changed us and the relationship we once had isn't there. I still trust Gale, I still want to be around him but he isn't acting the same around me, and becasuse of that I can't help but feel as I have lost a friend.

He heads for the door, and just as he walks through he turns back to me, "Coin wants to see you."

His voice is cold.

 **There is Chapter three done! Hope you liked it, Gale was very temperamental in this Chapter, his feelings are causing him to not see things clearly and I know this chapter makes it unclear as to what path I will take Gale down (Bash him or not) and I've settled on a nice middle, turning to a bit of a bash but nice moments, so basically a bit of everything!**

 **I also have to mention that the next chapter will be in Peeta's POV and it will only be short. These POV changes won't be very common, they'll happen about once or twice in this story.**

 **Again please review, I'd really appreciate it! and I'll see you again in my next chapter! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here is Chapter 4! It is the previous chapter but in the POV of Peeta, focuses on his iner thoughts and what he did/heard whilst Katniss was talking to Gale**.

 **Just wanted to say a quick thank you to those who review the previous chapter it means sooo much to me! So THANK YOU!**

 **Ex2See: thank you so much, and there will definitely be some Gale bashing things will get tense!**

 **Guest: I know don't worry in the chapter after this she will come to realise what she wants even if she isn't 100% sure how much she wants.**

 **Once more I do not own the characters and I'd love it if you could drop me a review. I hope you enjoy this chapter and are enjoying the story so far even though not much has happened yet. In the next 2 chapters things will defiantly start to happen so please bare with me!**

I walk out of Katniss' hospital room, leaving her with Gale I trust Gale with her, he's been her friend longer than I've been hers, but I don't feel comfortable leaving her, not with the condition she is in. If she knew how I was feeling about leaving her she'd yell at me I know. She'd tell me I was being too protective and that she is fine and can take care of herself. This thought brings a small smile to my dirt ridden face.

This is the first time in the 3 days that Katniss has been in there that I have left her side for more than a minute. I'm still in my clothes from the games, I haven't showered or washed, I undoubtedly stink. The only reason I have left that room has been to pee.

I let my feet carry me to the bathroom. I haven't been assigned a room yet because I refused to go to one so I've been making do with the hospital bathroom. It isn't far from Katniss' room, to get there I have to pass through the reception part of the hospital. It is all the same pale shade of green that lines the walls of Katniss' room. I round the corner and can see the bathroom door but before I go in I hear Doctor Aurelius voice.

He strides towards me, his white cloak wafting behind him, "Mr Mellark, good to see you out, how is Katniss doing may I ask?"

"Fine thank you, still a bit sore, but much better now she is awake, you'll have trouble getting her to stay now." She is also struggling to cope with the stupid amount of pressure the Districts are putting on her, but I don't mention that.

"Good to hear, I'll let you go as I have some patients to tend to. I think you know one, Johanna is it? Anyway I'll be in to check up on Katniss later today."

"Thank you."

"Bye Mr Mellark."

I watch him leave, and quickly head for the bathroom, I am desperate for a shower. Preferably a cold one, being with Katniss always has _that_ effect on me. I reach for the shower and turn it on, unlike the Capitol there is no rose scented wash, but the water does wonders for my body. I start to relax for the first time since being reaped. The water loosens my joints, I know there are still many things to worry about, but now Katniss is awake and okay I can relax just that little bit.

Seeing her motionless in that bed, still covered in the grime from the games was horrible. The panic I felt when I saw her there, I spent each day and night sitting with her, holding her hand whispering bits of nothing to her, keeping her updated. I know she couldn't hear me but it bought me a sense of comfort. Every morning I would gently brush her hair, I loved the feel of her brows locks running through my fingers. Occasionally my hands would skim her face and the feeling of warmth reassured me, it made me remember that I wasn't tending to a lifeless body. I wonder if she would feel how I did if our roles were reversed, if I was the one that was injured.

As the cold water runs down my body, washing away traces of the games and pain I have been through I think back to the arena, to that moment on the beach. Just before we were rescued. I can still feel were Katniss' lips touched mine. She doesn't know it, but even with the simpilest smile from her makes my day. So that moment, when she said she needed me, it was the most amazing feeling I had ever had. Unlike all our countless kisses for the camera's there was something different about the one we shared on the beach, maybe it was because we were both ready to die for each other, or maybe there is something she feels for me. But that kiss stirred somehitng inside of me. The same feeling I had in that cave, the same feeling I want her to feel too.

Love.

I shouldn't let myself think about these things, play out 'happy family' scenarios in my head, because overtime I open my eyes and come back to earth I realise how unrealistic my ideas are, Katniss doesn't want that, a family. And even if she did, she wouldn't want it with me. I know who she would...Gale.

Unlike me, he isn't scared of his own mother, isn't afraid to disappoint people, he gives people so much through his hunting. Just like Katniss. They've been friends forever and unlike him I can't walk quietly through the woods, I can't even walk quietly anywhere now, not with my prosthetic leg. Yet another thing Katniss wouldn't want me for. I know that from the day I said I liked her on live TV I ruined her life. Forced her to have to marry me, I didn't want that, I never will. I thought things would be horrible between us, after the first games she never even talked to me. Wouldn't look at me. Little did she know how much I looked at her, watched her slowly deteriorate because of the life she was forced to have with me. I will never be able to comfort her because like her I have been tainted by the games.

But on the Victory Tour we talked, I hoped that we could at least be friends, and I know now that we are, but that doesn't stop me from wanting more, I will always want more, ever since I heard her sing i've wanted to spend my life with her. And maybe, just maybe that moment on the beach could give me those things. Never before had katniss kissed me like that, allowed my tongue to roam her mouth. My hand to explore her back. It had been heaven, it plagues my dreams when I have them. Most the time it's just nightmares about loosing her, but do I really have her?

I remember travelling the districts and people would comment on how in love we looked, did we? I run my hand through my wet hair and realise how my fingers are starting to wrinkle, time to get out the shower I think.

I put on some fresh clothes which have been laid on the side for me and head back to Katniss' room where she is most likely still with Gale. Even though the thought of this makes me jealous I know that acting jealous will only ruin the relationship I have started to build with katniss and if it is Gale that makes her happiest, I won't stand in the way of it. As long as Katniss is happy I will be too, I will always be there for her but I need to stop acting injured and hurt and enjoy the moments I have with her. In this war I don't know how long they will last.

I reach her room door, number 3 and I can hear Katniss still talking to Gale, she sounds tired. I've been gone 25 minutes so I stay out of the room, allowing them time to finish their coversation. I try not to listen, but the walls are so thin I can here them talking about the games and what had happened. Katniss obviously filling him in.

 **"I didn't know about the rescue mission Gale."**

 **"You didn't know?"**

 **"No"** she repeats **, "I was as clueless as you, I'm not good at acting and keeping secrets everyone that knew felt that it was too risky to tell me. I'm not happy about it, trust me. Preparing yourself to die, it...it takes a lot out of you and to find that you never were going to die, it makes me so mad. I'm not gonna let people off without a talking to, but I know that it was probably the best idea."**

 **"I should have gone when you said."** so she had asked Gale to stay too.

 **"You can't change that now Gale, we are all here and even more people are alive because you stayed. Staying was the right choice."**

 **"Why didn't you go then, you could have left on your own with your family when you found out you'd be going back in the arena."**

I hear Katniss sigh, I know how badly she wants to tell Gale about the threats that Snow has made to both of u, it would make life so much simpler, But things are never simple when they concern Snow and if anyone finds out they will be in more danger and we can't do that to each other's families. Even if I don't have much family left I want to proctect Rye. **"I knew Peeta would keep me alive."**

 **"But you said you were prepared to die, didn't you think Peeta could keep you alive till the end?"** Why was she ready to die if she knew I could protect her? Is she lying to Gale? But surely she would have known about my deal with Haymitch to keep her alive. She knows that's all I want, to keep her safe.

 **"Yes, he could have, but I'd made a deal with Haymitch."**

Gale voices my next thoughts, **"What deal Katniss?"**

 **"I asked him to save Peeta."**

What! Shock is an understatement. Why would she do that? For a spllit second I feel hope, hope that she cares about me more than she lets on. But that feeling is quickly drowned by the anger I have towards Haymitch. He had to have lied to one of us, and it was obviosuly Katniss as his plan had always been to save Katniss. I don't care that he was planning on letting me die, I got used to that idea in the first games. I might be a good talker, but talking isn't what wins a war. It's passion, a reason to fight, anger and skill and Katniss has all of this. She had to be saved. So Haymitch lied to Katniss, and knowing Katniss, if she was serious about making the deal then she would have done something stupid in the arena and gotten herself killed. How could Haymitch be so stupid?

Speaking of the devil, Haymitch, in all his sobered up glory, is heading towards Katniss' room a frown on his face that has been ever present since his seperateion from alcohol.

He stops in front of me, a smirk forming on his unshaved face. "Eaves dropping now are we? Not like you kid."

"I'm not, I just got here."

"Doesn't look like it from where I'm standing. Thought you were meant to be the good liar out fo the two of you, why don't you go in then?"

I ignore hi remark, "She's talking to Gale."

"She better not say something stupid to him."

Though he sounds annoyed I know he isn't, just glad that she is awake most likely. Haymitch is the only person aside from myself and Katniss who knows about the threats to kill our family from Snow. Despite everyone's assumption that he is a useless drunk he has kept us alive, and just like us he was threatened by Snow. But he didn't win, you can't blame him for drinking. Beofre I met him, like everyone in Panem I just assumed he just doesn't like people but I know now that if he lets himself become close then they will die. Curtisoy of Snow.

I remember the first time he met Katniss, saying they clashed is putting it lightly. They both have the same passion and love for their family and with that comes the natural want to hurt people that threaten them. They are both natural hunters, they just aproach things differently. Katnis comes off as closed up and stubborn and Haymithch comes off as an annoying old drunk.

"How is she?"

"As good as can be after being in the games." I reply.

"Couldn't expect anymore." There is a silent undertanding that you can only have with someone who has been through what we have. Watching the games, though a horrible ordeal, is nothing compared to what it and the Captiol is like. With being reaped comes pain, secrets and lies and when you win there becomes a difference in you, one that seperates you from the person you used to be depsite your best efforts to not change. People act different towards you and they don't understand what goes on in the Captiol. That's why I need Katniss, if not, I fear I would turn out just as Haymitch has or worse.

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what kid?"

"You know what! How could you lie to Katniss, you know her, she would have done something stupid in the arena in order to let me live and we all know that the intention has always been for her to live, not me."

"You think I didn't think it all through kid, have I not got BOTH of you out of TWO games? I thought about it trust me. It ripped me to pieces, do you think it's easy for me to tell myself to let you die? You're more important than you think kid. She needs you, your family needs you. That angry girl in there wouldn't stand a chance against Snow without you. And she wouldn't have let herself die until it was just you two left because she would want to make sure you lived."

"I just don't want her to get hurt."

"I know, your in love with her, can't live without her and all that cheese. I thought about it, your both here now and fine so just drop it, if you have anythimg to worry about it's the volume of their converstations." he geusters his head in the diretion of Katniss' room, where I can hear both her voice and Gale's rising by the second.

 **"I don't want that life, it isn't me, kids, family, marriage, it's not me. I'm a hunter." H** aymitch and I stand in silence listening to Katniss and Gale through the wall.

 **"You don't act that way."**

 **"What?"**

 **"The way you were sucking on Mellark's face could have fooled me! You almost did him there and then, not exactly the way you go about not having kids is it?"**

 **"Shut up Gale."** I blush slightly at Gales words and I can see Haymtich laughing to himself next to me.

 **"No, listen, you,"**

 **"Gale."**

 **"You can't act one way and then say-"**

 **"GALE!"**

It goes quiet for a moment and then Haymitch and I step back as an angry looking Gale storms out of katniss' room. I feel the anger inside me start to rise as he give me venamous look.

"Never like that one. Too far up his own ass if you ask me."

I don't respond to Haymtich's remark, but I do nod my head in agrement.

It takes all of my strength not to follow Gale and go and teach him how to treat Katniss properly. But when Katniss' voice calls to me it is her I go to.

"Peeta is that you?"

I swiftly walk into her room, Haymtich folloing closely behind. She is still sitting where I left her on the bed, her eyes are all glassy, she looks drained, I don't doubt she is trying very hard to hold back the tears. Why does she always have to try and be so strong? Does she not know that I like her for more than her strength, and it is her weakess that shows me that she is human and cares? I have only ever seen Katniss show weakness three times, the day I threw her the bread, last night when she cried in my arms and once on the victory tour at night. I remember everything about her, even if she isn't paying attention to me.

I sit myself down on the bed next to her and enveolpe her in a hug, she allows my arms to snake around her waist, I run one hand through her hair soothing her as she leans into me, returning my embrace. I know she has always been one to shy away from contact so the notion that she is letting me in causes my stomach to do loop after loop. I feel her relax into my embrace, her chin settling on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I mumble into her ear so Haymitch can't hear.

At first she doesn't reply but eventually I feel her nod into my chest ever so slightly, this answer doesn't satisfy me so I pull back. Our foreheads touching and my hands cupping her face I look into her beautiful eyes searching for a more solidfying reply. She gently places her hand atop mine, slightly tilting her face into it.

"I'm okay, promise, he was just being an idiot. Don't worrying" she says with a slight smile.

"Okay, sorry." Not wanting ot scare her off I let go of her, but my eyes never leave her face when Haymitch starts talking.

"As cute as all this is, and trust me, it's so cute I wanna be sick, we need to talk."

Katniss looks over at me, placing her hand on my leg, "Will you help me?"

At first I don't know what she means, but I automatically respond with a 'yes' but it isn't until she looks down at her legs that I realise she wants help to walk. I know how it feels to not be able to walk, the disadvantages it has. The weakness you feel.

"Of course." My respose is immediate, I take her hand in mine, and help her to her feet, she is more stable than eariler, having been awake for a few hours now she seems to be regainging her strength. She still uses me for most of her support though and I don't mind, the feeling of her body pressing agaisnt mine sends goose bumps down the length of my body. I try my hardest to focus on getting to Haymitch to calm myself down.

"How are you sweetheart?"

I wasn't expecting what happened next, but then again it's Katniss, do you ever really know what to expect?

So as we stand inches away from Haymitch I watch katniss draw her arm back and slap him hard acrosss his face.

 **So that is the end of this chapter, sorry it took so long, I lost the document and I had to start it all over agian and if you write stories then you know how annoying it is! Anyway...**

 **I hope you enjoyed this and you are liking the story so far, please leave your thoughts in the reviews, I'd love to read them!**

 **And as I've said before this POV change won't happen ofter, uness it is something you would liike If it it please let me known in the commetns as I can adapt the story to do it.**

 **Please drop us a review and I will see you in the next chater :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey Guys THANKS A MILLION for the reviews they mean so much to me and make me so happy. Unfortunately the comments as Guests I can't reply to so I will reply to them all you'll just have to hunt out which on is yours! :) This next chapter is up so quick because I'm not well at the moment so I've spent all day writing and consequently you get the next chapter now!**

 **Kmol15: _Thank you! Things are gowing to start happening which will reveal the direction that I am taking this story in, it will evolve around the war and Katniss and Peeta and the other ex-tributes. For the moment I should hopefully be updating regualry as exams are over and I have an almost free schedule._**

 **Pepperandharry: T _hey will be endgame so hopefully I shall be keeping you happy and this Chapter will make you happy as cute Everlark moments are ensured :) and I am sorry about the typo's, I know if I was reading it then it would get on my nerves :) I will shamefully admit, that I didn't re-read my previous chapter as I needed to get it out, but, I will be going back over it and just correcting the mistakes. Really want to make this story as good a read as possible, thank you for letting me know! Hope you enjoy this chapter!_**

 **This chapter things are finally starting to move and we are getting into the actual plot so brace yourselves it feels as if it has been a long time coming. This will be back in the POV of Katniss (as will most of this story). Sometimes I will change it slightly as my chapters are already planned however, when writing I find some things are better suited in another persons perspective or if I include less of what I intend to write about in the first place.**

 **Side note: I am also thinking of writing a short story (But it will have a decent length as I can't seem to do short!) about Haymitch during the 75th reaping, would any of you be interested in it? I won't start it straight away as I want to do this one, but in the future would you guys give it a go?**

 **Getting to the bit you want to read now, PROMISE! just a quick reminder that I, sadly, do not own the magnificent characters that the wonderful Suzanne Collins created. However I am fortunate enough to play around with them, and that's what I'm doing so here goes the next chapter, please drop us a review and enjoy! x**

 **Previous Chapter Peeta POV:**

 _"How are you sweetheart?"_

 _I wasn't expecting what happened next, but then again it's Katniss, do you ever really know what to expect?_

 _So as we stand inches away from Haymitch as I watch katniss draw her arm back and slap him hard acrosss his face._

"Nice to see you too!" I watch Haymicth rub his chin with shaking hands, most likely due to the alcohol withdrawal, as he makes fake faces of pain, which only achieve to anger me further.

"You deserve it and you know it! YOU PROMISED ME HAYMITCH! YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULD PROTECT PEETA, AND EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DID YOU NOT FEEL THE MORAL OBLIGATION CONSIDERING YOU LEFT HIM FOR DEAD THE FIRST TIME? I TRUSTED YOU, YOU SICK SON OF A BIT-" I go to strike him again, this mornings visitors has gotten me all riled up, first the piss taking visitor that it Johanna and then Gale being unreasonable and acting like a git, and now I have to deal with Haymitch. Just because Peeta explained the, vaild but unfair, logic behind Haymitch's plan doesn't mean I can forgive him straight away for sending Peeta off with the intention to die. Again.

Before my hand makes contact with Haymitch's stuble filled face for the second time he grabs my wrist. It isn't too tight of a grab, but in my state right now it doesn't seem to be taking much to control me and that is really getting on my nerves. I hate being weak, hate feleing like I can't protect myself and others. The last time I couldn't protect my family they almost died, if it hadn't been for Peeta they would have. When I couldn't protect myself in the first arena Peeta saved me. He allied himself with the careers, he risked his own life to save mine, and I would have tried to do the same too, maybe not back then when I didn't know him as well, but now I would protect him as best I can because that's what friends do. They protect each other. So right now, being under the mercy of Haymitch is irritating me. I don't doubt I could take him if I was in better condition but I'm not. I need my strength, I don't know what it is in me that decides to take the logical route. Maybe it is my exhaustion, or maybe it is the terrified look on Peeta's face as he watch's Haymitch's and my performance. But whatever it is, it causes me to go slack in his grip.

"That's it sweetheart, don't strain yourself or how you gonna sort out git man later?" I know by 'git man' he is referring to Gale, and right now I couldn't agree more with that labelling. He really is acting like an idiot, I know he doesn't know everything, but we are best friends who have been through so much, we have fed each others families and he can't trust me on this one thing, he can't just except that I have to act this way. As I think about Gale I feel Haymitch lower my hand.

"Just help me sit back down."

"Say please." Haymitch mocks me, not moving to help me down I turn around myself, leaning on Peeta still for support. He guides me back to the bed carefully, his gestures kind as he helps me to place myself on the edge so I am sitting up facing Haymitch. As soon as I let go of him I miss the contact. I don't know why, I put it down to me not being well and needing help and warmth. But deep down I know that isn't true, whenever I've been ill I've never had help, my mom has never comforted me, I never had my dad too. But I can't see to relax, my body won't cool down from where Peeta was just pressed against it. I don't feel as safe without his arm around me, without his gentle but callous hands gripping my side. But I put the feeling down down to being injured and ill, and to stop my mind from wandering I talk to Haymitch.

"So you want to fill me in on all the secrets you've kept and lies you've told now?"

"Not if you're gonna act like a chld throwing a tantrum, if that's how you're going to be then I'll go he Effie."

At the mention of Effie I calm down a little, feeling bad for not having spared her a thought, Peeta told me that she as here, and if this hospital room is anything to judge 13 by I'm not so sure she is enjoying her visit.

"How is she?"

"Bloody woman won't shut up about how crap the place is. As if we all didn't already know. 'Where's the staff?' 'What, I have to eat in the same room as everyone else?' I'd thought she was annoying in the Capitol."

I can't help the smile that starts t form on my face at Haymitch's obvious annoyance. "So she's having fun then?"

"Lots." Haymitch's voice is dry, "She has asked about you though sweetheart, seems to be the only thing we can agree on. She wanted to visit you today but I told her she would she you soon and that you were tired."

"Thanks"

"Pleasure."

There is a comfortable silence as we sit there, I notice that Peeta has my hand in his, he is absent mindedly playing with my fingers, I don't think he even knows what he is doing. I don't mind what he is doing though, it is quite relaxing so I don't mention anything to him and let him carry on.

Haymitch quickly interrupts my calm, "Lover boy here has told me that he has filled you in on everything, and before you go all crazy and hit me again, we both know it was for the best that no one told you anything and you are both here now so just drop it."

I nod my head. Sadly he is right, I can't act to save my life. I've tried, it failed.

"But things around here are tense right now, Coin, 13's President, wants to see you to sort things out. She isn't nice, I'd go as far as to say she is just a tamer verison of Snow. She might be fighting for what we want, but what she will do to get there and the thing she will do once she is there is were the similarities between us and her stop. She wants control and power, if we don't stop her she will make sure to hurt everyone man woman and child in the Capitol, even if they didn't support the ways of the games. She won't be any better than Snow, but for now we have to do as she says, we have to win the rebellion and worry about her later."

"She can't be that bad, not if she helped saved everyone?" Peeta pipes up, I feel him stop playing with my hand he must have noticed what he was doing, so instead he just holds it tensly.

"She is kid, don't be fooled, she will want to know what has happened to the baby. And she will find out it wasn't real. I don't know how she will react, but you can't stop the act of the star-crossed lovers-"

"Doesn't she know it was an act?" I feel Peeta flinch beside me and I instantly feel bad, it wasn't an act for us both, "Surely she would understand that we don't like each other _that_ way, that we did it to stay alive. Why would it be so wrong now to tell the truth, we aren't in the Capital anymore, so why hide, surely they won't mind?"

"We are still on the train sweetheart, I've told you before and I'll tell you again. No matter where you are, as long as Snow is alive and there is a rebellion you are stuck on this train. You have to love Peeta more than ever now, you two are who everyone looks to. For hope and for strength, you give them the courage to fight you give them the idea that there is light at the end of the tunnel if you can both survive two games and still be together what's to stop them winning the rebellion?"

"We haven't asked for people to look to us!"

"I know sweetheart, but they have. So all you can do now is try your best. It isn't easy being a victor, it never will be once you've won you'd rather have died in those games. Not one Victor has ever survived, Johanna lost her family, Finnick had to sell his body, Beete had to watch his invetions be sold to hurt others, I lost my family and turned to drinking and now you two are loosing your freedom and if you aren't careful your families as well!"

"I don't want it though!" I can't control my anger at Snow it isn't fair, I sound like a child, but I am far from it, I have been through son much that can't remember what childhood was like. There is an unfair when you aren't allowed to play with a toy because someone else has it first but there is an unfair that means because you were forced to kill people you will loose your family too, both peeta and I have lost our chance at life beacsue we were forced together. I know Peeta wanted to be with me, even if I was too blind to see it at first, but I'm not that blind that I don't realise that this isn't how he wanted it to happen. Our 'confession of love' should not have been during a fight to the death. It's wrong!

"YOU DON'T HAVE A CHIOCE" I flinch at Haymitch's out burst, I am ready to yell back but seeing the pain in his eyes stops me. He has been through lots too and now he is helping us. He doesn't have to the arena is over it is no longer his job to keep us alive, but he has made it his job. Drunk, selfish Haymicth is helping the only people he has been lose to that haven't been killed by Snow yet.

"Sweetheart You can't fall out of love wth Peeta or the rebellion will end, everyone that has died will have died for nothing and everyone that is rebelling will be killed also. It will be worse than the great war. Because if you and Peeta don't act together then hope is gone, It's only in public, unlike the Capitol there won't be cameras in your room, you won't have to attend fancy do's. But Coin, she can't know that you don't love each other. You have to act in love Katniss. Peeta can do it just fine, so you do it too. Peeta, he deserves better than you, you could live a thousdand life times and never deserve the love he shows you."

"I know" I mumble quietly, ashamed at myself. It is painfully true how right Haymitch is.

I feel peeta take my other hand in his, he turns me to face him.

"Katniss, don't think like that. You deserve someone better than me, someone who can look after you and not have to worry about a fake leg slowing them down, you deserve someone who has the same passion as you, someone who makes you happy. Don't think for a second that you need to suffer alone, I am here for you. We don't have to act as crazy in love as before this isn't the Capital they will know what is fake, and when there isn't anyone around you don't have to stay with me, we can hide that part of our lives, and when we win the rebellion, you won't have to marry me at all anymore."

"Peeta."

"So don't say that you don't deserve me because that isn't true, don't listen to some old drunkard okay?" he tilts his head to Haymitch.

His attempt at a joke is lame but I just stare at him dumbfounded, how can this boy be so perfect? How can this man love so much even though he has been hurt so much but he continues to care? How can he be so strong when he has been through so much in both his district from his mother and the Capital and their games. He deserve better than me, it will always be true, because I am selfish. But that isn't what Peeta wants to hear me say. So I don't instead, for the first time in forever I say something that doesn't hurt anyone.

"I don't want that."

"I know Katniss so once the rebellion is over you won't have to be with me."

"No, you don't get it Peeta, I don't want to never talk to you, to never see you again. Yes if I was talking to you after the first games things would probably be different, but I need you okay. We have been through so much that many people don't understand, and I'm not acting much anymore, I care for you Peeta as a friend, this isn't fair, but it's much more unfair to you. We are just going to have to disagree on who deserves who. Your leg, isn't a bad thing, it shows you have persevered, you have pushed through the hard times and came out of them. You have a passion it might not be physical but your words carry much more love than my actions."

I stare into his sea blue eyes, they are glistening over and I can tell mine are too, I have come to care so much for this man, who has saved mine and my families lives countless times. I can't imagine not talking to him, I don't understand my feelings, they scare me, so for now being friends with Peeta, that's all I need. All I want. And I can only hope he is okay with that and wants its too.

"I hate what you two have been put through, I hate it every year. At the start of my mentoring I was nice you know, I tried to help the kids that got reaped, but it made everything hurt more when they died. It was too painful, I had tired to forget about my games, and focus on helping others survive. But it wasn't working. Everything just got more painful so I drunk. Stopped helping the tributes and left them to die until I got you two. Now I have to wonder was it worth it? If I had died in my Games and there had been a different victor would any of the tributes survived?"

"We can't change the past, only make up for it." Peeta says wisely.

"Yeh, you're right kid. Doesn't stop it from hurting like a bitch though does it?"

"Is that why you are trying so hard right now to help?" I ask.

"Yeh, that and I want the booze back."

"Of course you do." I remark.

"It helps get rid of the pain. It has all come back since they've taken the alcohol away from me. And I want it to go away again."

All I can do is nod, I understand his pain but I don't know what to say to him.

"So all of he emotional crap out the way, which, if you two act like that will get you flying colours in the acting department, then I think we need to go see Coin, don't want to keep her Royal ass waiting now do we?" He winks at me and claps his hands together. "You'll want to put some fresh clothes on though sweetheart, you look like death. I'll head up to Coin now and see you there." And with that snide remark he leaves the room the same sarcastic Haymitch I know, traces of the man in pain gone. Covered up by the masks we are forced to wear.

"I'll go too, let you get changed." Peeta stands up and goes to leave the room.

"Peeta!"

"Yes," he turns around. "What's wrong?"

"I just..I" I'm embarrassed, I was worried he was going to leave me and head to Coin without helping me and now I feel stupid. I can't stand how much I am relying on him right now, I'm not used to it. So I say the one thing I've been thinking all day.

"I need you, don't go anywhere, okay?"

At my words his eyes light up and I feel a sense of pride and happiness that I caused that.

"I never will."

I smile back at him, sharing a look filled with so much emotion. Sharing the pain we feel, the conflicted emotions we have and the relief we share at having each other to cope through the tough times with.

As I watch Peeta's muscular frame leave the room I hear him talking to Haymitch, curious as to what they coud be talking about without me, I concentrate hard on their voices.

"For gods sake make sure she doesn't say or do something stupid, I have enough to deal with as it is at the moment."

"Can I really control her? I don't think she has rules to follow." I hear Peeta chuckle and I nod my head in agreement with his words. It is times like these that I really value Peeta, he isn't controlling, he doesn't constrict me to the 'natural order' of things that everyone lives by. Where men seem to think women can't protect theselves. I bet peeta doesn't even realise that he does it.

"You know kid," I hear Haymitch again, "She might me confused, but that girl in there cares for you." With that I hear Haymitch walk off leaving Peeta alone me sitting on the bed with my mouth open like a cod fish. But despite my shock I know it's true and that is what scares me, more than the rebellion, more than facing down Snow.

Am I Katniss Everdeen, survivor of two Games, Girl on fire, independent, self reliant Katniss falling for Peeta Mellark?

 **Chater DONE! Hope you liked it, things are evolving between Katniss and Peeta quicker than I expected but it is just they way things are happening and I ship them so I don't mind one bit hehehee.**

 **My portrayal of Haymitch will have more emotion in it than expected and I am going to make sure that his relationship with Peeta and Katniss is strong.**

 **Please give us a review they really inspire me to write and I'll see you in the next Chapter where we will be meeting Coin.**

 **Teaser: In the meeting there will be, Coin, Haymitch, Gale, Peeta, Katniss, Plutarch and two guards.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey so here is the next chapter business is finally being attended to, this chapter turned out a lot longer than I expected it to, but that's not a bad thing is it? I hope you are enjoying it, I am having fun writing it! Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews I will try to reply to them all throughout this story. I hope you like this next chapter and I would love for you to review it, thank you!**

 **Disclaimer: these characters are not my own as if they were they would never have been as amazing as Suzanne Collins has made them!**

 **Kien Ton: Thank you very much, I hope you continue to think that! and as for not including Enobaria, like the film I won't include some aspects of the book but unlike the film I will include some aspects (such as the timetables on the arms) . Later in the chapters I will include Enobaria, she will eventually have a part but not until chapters in the late teens and twenties. I will also change things such as the way characters act, there is going to be a few who are different in the way they act and think. I'm making these changes just because due to it not being the original Story you have the chance to change this up a little. I hope you like the way I change it!**

 **KamJam: I'm glad! Hope you keep wanting to read more :)**

 **Guest: Thank you, it's always gotta be everlark! hehehee and phew glad I'm not focusing too much on the romance, it will be included but the story is also about the war and the struggle that they are all facing. Some chapters will contain more romance than others.**

 **I'd also just like to say that I am no expert on the medical issues mentioned in this chapter, so for the sake of this story what I have said will be true, but I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW IF IT IS SO PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT AS FACT!**

 **And now to the bit you've all been waiting for...**

"Ready" I say as I walk out of my hospital room for the first time, dressed in a fresh set of grey clothes. I have brushed my hair which was surprisingly not free and tied it into a side braid the way I always wear it. I still look and feel like death no doubt, my legs have regained some of their strength, but not all of it. Walking out the room took a lot of effort, so as soon as I see Peeta waiting for me by the reception desk I take his arm for support.

"You sure you're up for it?" he looks at me with worry and concern in his eyes.

"Yes, I'm fed up of being in there, I've already missed 3 days, I don't want to sit about anymore."

"Okay, ready then. Bye Megan!" He smiles at the girl behind the desk as he takes my arm and together we walk out of the hospital and I breathe in a sent that isn't filled with chemicals. I look around, I feel like a mole. Everywhere is lit dulley, every wall, floor and ceiling is the same dull grey as our clothes. Mabye the hospital hadn't been so bad.

"Who was that?" I ask.

"Just one of the girls who works on reception."

"Oh." Is my response. I look, forward to where we are heading in silence.

"Why?"Peeta suddenly asks.

"Just wondering." In truth I am, i'm curous I'm new to this place, the people. If anything I'm unsure, I want to know who everyone is, who I can trust.

"She was from 12, she lived in the town, her parents and mine were friends. That's all." I can see the corner of his lips lifting up into a smile, his eyes twinkling ever so slightly.

"What!"

"What do you mean what?"

"You know, why do you look all smug?"

"Ahhhh, you'll just have to figure it out."

"Peeta!" I never understood it when he teases me, it only gets me annoyed and he knows that. Once, when we were on the victory train Peeta wouldn't pass me the salt, a simple thing. But he started to hold it above my head so I couldn't reach it, Haymitch found is hilarious, so it just caused me to become angry. I was ready to storm off in a huff until Peeta told me he was sorry but I looked cute when I was angry. This had made dinner a very awkward for the two of us. Knowing he likes me, but saying it out loud is different.

"Fine." I look forward again.

"Katniss."

"What?"

"What do you mean 'what'?"

"UGHHHHH PEETA!"

"Yes." I can see he is trying very hard to hold in his laughter, tears are almost falling out of his eye and his grin covers his whole face. I playfully slap him across the shoulder. He might be teasing me, but to see him smile makes me happy. It's rare when we smile properly. Last night when Peeta told me what had happened to his parents I felt distraught for him. His mother less so, but I know that he idolised his father. The pain he has been through is enough to make sure someone never smiles again. But he still manages to, he still finds those moments to be happy. I never fail to be shocked by his endurement and it is his actions that keep me going, he reminds me that I have a purpose and a reason to fight.

"Ow!"He fake yells, gently masarging his arm where I hit him, looking up at me sulking. "Don't break your crutch Katniss, you'll never get to the meeting otherwise."

"I'm perfectly capable of walking on my own Mellark."

"Oh I know that Everdeen, but how do you expect to get there without my directions?"

I have nothing to say to that so I result to the most adult like reply I know and stick my tongue out at him. This must have been to much for Peeta as he starts to chuckle. His chuckle turns to laughter, and I find myself looking at him with a smile forming on my own face.

"You are very mature!" he manages to get out in between laughs.

"And you are too are you! I don't think you are!" I say, starting to chuckle.

"It doesn't hurt to act immature for a bit."

The smile leaves my face, it was only meant as a light hearted statement, but his words have a deeper meaning. Our happy mood quickly evaporates.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"It's okay, I know you didn't, it isn't your fault. It's Snows."

He nods his head agreeingly. We settle into a comfortable silence as he leads me down tunnel after tunnel, turn after turn, it feels as if we have been walking for hours. It allows my mind to wonder, I start to think about what Peeta said. How it's true, we shouldn't have to act so mature all the time, we are still young adolescences. We shouldn't have the lives of everyone in Panem resting on our shoudlers. We shouldn't have to worry about how we act and what we say. We need the immature moemnts to heal wounds to help us feel better. Peeta is one of the few people I can act immature with I realise. With everyone else I feel a responsibility, I feel that if I don't act mature then they won't respet me, then they won't take me seriously. They will think I don't care. When that isn't the truth, I do care, I care so much that it hurts.

Finally Peeta stops walking.

"We here?" I ask.

"No, I just thought we could stop a minute, you look tired."

"I'm fine."

"I can see that you aren't Katniss, it's okay to take things slow, you don't want to make yourself worse. You've already recovered a lot in the short space of time you've had, don't feel bad about stopping, they can wait."

His accusations make me annoyed but I know he is right, I don't want to worsen my state. If I do I will only end up in hospital, incapable for longer and that isn't something I want. I don't want to feel trapped and excluded. Helpless. I've spent enough of my life feeling that way.

"I don't think we are allowed to make the President wait."

Peeta ignores my comment and assesses the state of the floor. "We can sit if you want?"

I notice that our bodies are quite close, have we always stood this close? Our arms are touching and I can feel his breath on my face. I try to ignore it, I don't want to stir the strange feelings I have, there are more important things to be concerned about.

"I could run back to the hospital, they suggested crutches to help you walk. They would make it easie-"

"I'm not weak!" I almost yell in defiance, I suddenly feel as if he is treating me like an injured child. But for some reason, like every time I get annoyed at Peeta, my annoyance subsides as quick as it appeared. The way he looks at me shows me that he isn't doing it to belittle me, to make me feel weak he just cares. It's something I'm not used to. Having to always work and help myself I've never experienced many kind offerings that are solely for my benefit and no one else's.

I don't know where Peeta gets it from, I can only assume his father and he has told me once before that his mother was horrible to him. It was the night on the victory tour, the night we became real friends. Just thinking about his mother angers me, how could someone do such a thing to such a kind person? And how would said person turn out so nice when they've never had an example to look to.

I guess you could say they same about me, why do I strive to care for my family when my mother never did it herself?

"I think we should just get there, we need to know what is happening."

"If you're sure."

"Yeh, don't worry, I'll tell you if I can't walk anymore, you'll just have to carry me." I give him a smile to show that I really am okay as can be and we start walking again. Me leaning on Peeta for support and him leading me through the dismal tunnels. It is his little comment of "I wouldn't mind that." which he almost whispers to himself that makes me feel awkward. The silence we walk in no longer has the same comfort as before and I become very self conscious of how close we are. So when we finally reach the entrance to where we are meeting Coin I feel a small sense of relief.

I reach out to open the door, it is a sliding door and just like everywhere else it is grey. There is nothing that shows it is the room of someone important. Just before I pull the door open Peeta reaches for my hand, resting his on mine to stop me from opening it.

"Katniss, remember what Haymitch said. We should just stay quiet. There's a chance we aren't going to like Coin, but we can't get on the wrong side of her. And we will have to keep up the act." He gestures to our two hands, indicating that it is time for us to act.

I nod my head as if giving him permission to take my hand. And he does, he entwines his fingers with mine and as if it were rehearsed we both plaster a more cheerful look on our faces. And not a look that shows two people suffering and in pain.

Peeta slides the door open for us and together we walk in, hand in hand, each step I take is becoming more painful, I have been on my feet for too long, luckily though there are seats. The room is long and rectangular, once again it is grey. However signs and boards fill the walls, computure screens and lights make the room more inviting than the cold halls. In the centere of the room lies a rectangular table. 10 seats surround it but there are only 5 people filling them. Plutarch Heavensbee, Gale, Haymitch and a man and a women. I assume that the grey haired women is President Coin. Her face is lined with several wrinkles, her hair has a streak of white running through the front, and like everyone else in the room she is wearing the same grey outfit as myself.

Already I am not drawn to her. Her look is hard, no warmth in her appearance. She mirrors the same look I reckon I have on my face. Calulating, trying to judge each others characters before we say anything.

"Ahhh Miss Everdeen, nice to see you moving about again. How've you been?" Plutarch walks up to Peeta and I and takes my hand that isn't holding Peeta's and kisses the top of it making me feeling uncomfortable. I think Peeta notices, as he lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around my waist protectively pulling me closer to him.

I notice that this action doesn't go unnoticed by Gale.

"I'm okay thank you, still have a bit of recovery left." My words are short and sharp, despite defying the Capitol and risking his life for our cause I still find it had to fully trust this man. Just like the Capitol all his comments of concern seem fake. He acts as if everything is for show. Peeta's words from earlier remind me not to judge them. They had to at the way they did because I wasn't in the know. I need to allow myself to give others fresh starts. Get to know the real them, I just hope I prefer the 'real' Plutarch compared to the man I grew accustomed to in the Capitol.

"Yes, Gale did tell us that you only woke up recently. Peeta how are you? Haven't seen you around much."

Plutarch moves on to Peeta and shakes his hand, unlike me Peeta can create a conversation without it seeming forced.

"Very good thank you, better now Katniss is awake, I've been spending my time waiting for her in the hospital, didn't want to leave her alone." If it weren't for having to keep up our act I know that Peeta would rather keep that information a secret.

"How have things been with everyone in 12, are they adjusting well?"

"Well, why don't you two take a seat and we will discus that and other matters which we need to talk about." he gestures with his hands to the two seats opposite Coin and another man I don't know the name of. He is a very lean man, who is bald and looks to be in his mid-forties. From the way he is sitting alert I would venture a guess at him being Coin's body guard.

Plutarch walks to the head of the table and takes a seat whilst Gale sits next to the man I don't know. Haymitch is perched on the end of the table. As we walk over to our seat he gives us a slight nod of his head meaning, our acting is good.

"So Katniss, this here is District 13's President Coin, no doubt you have heard about her. She has been running this place since the Capitol first bombed 13 and has readied every soldier she has for this revolution. And next to her is Soldier Boggs, personal guard to Coin, trained in medicine, and an instructor down in the training room. He has been helping to train recruits we have managed to obtain from 12."

I'm only slightly listening to Plutarch as I sit down on the chair Peeta has pulled out for me. The relief of being off my feet at last is heavenly.

"Miss Everdeen, it is a pleasure to meet you, I have heard many things about you and am very thankful we fight for the same ide, I've heard about people on the wrong end of your bow, I wouldn't want to be one." Coin has plastered a smile on her face. It is the most unnatural thing I have ever seen, and the sucking up is making me want to run. I'm already finding it hard to trust her and we've barely been in the same room 5 mintues.

"Pleasure." I mange.

"Now, Peeta, you asked about the people from 12." Everyone has been allocated their rooms and regulations have been implemented. jobs have also been found for each individual, I believe both members of your family are working in the hospital Katniss, and your brother is adjusting to work in the electricians lab very nicely Peeta. We have also found a place for you to rest now that Katniss is out of hospital you won't need to be there any longer. Those that were injured you have most likely seen in the hospital, I have been assured that they will all recover. Some however will need therapy, luckily we have a therapist on hand."

"That all sounds wonderful President, thank you very much, we can't express our gratitude at your hospitality."

"Every man that fights against Snow is welcome in our home Mr Mellark. That being said your friends from the Capital seem to be finding it hard to adjust and are yet to make an appearance from their rooms."

"Unless you have 12inch heels and an abstract dress to entice you won't get Effie out of her room any time soon." I find myself smiling at Haymicth's comment knowing full well he is speaking the truth.

I look over the table towards Gale, he is shooting daggers at Haymitch causing the smile from my face to instantly drop. What has caused him to become so aggressive? I mentally make a note to talk to him later to sort things out, I have enough on my plate to be dealing with without adding this grumpy judgmental Gale to it.

"So I know you want to know why you are here and what we expect of you whilst you are in District 13." Coin starts.

"As you are both aware, there have been rebellions in many districts some Districts such as 8 are struggling to defend themselves. We have been sending in weapons and supplies to help them but they have been limited. This is due to us being spotted by the Capitol, it is too much of a risk to send in constant supplies and risk being caught as they could end up following us and finding 13 and killing everyone here. Which of course we wouldn't want. At the moment we are still adjusting everyone from 12 to the customs of 13. We have also had to adjust for the extra mouths to feed and people to house. Tomorrow you will be given your timetables. These are printed on your arm daily at breakfast and will tell you where and what you need to be doing in the day. Failure to follow this will result in punishment. Katniss, Peeta you must understand, such a confined space needs order and control, without this we are doomed. If we start fighting each other for food or a preferred job we will never win this rebellion and Snow will keep killing thousands of innocents."

I grind my teeth against each other, she makes it sound like looking after everyone is like herding a flock of sheep. I don't like being confined, I'm used to the open outdoors.

"Katniss, Peeta." Plutarch cuts in, "You are both in very special positions, you, by 13's rules, are under the age limit to legally fight in the war as Soldiers. However due to your experince we have decide that you are able to fight and can go out in the field. Gale has offered to do the same-"

"We haven't offered to do anything." Instantly I regret what I have said. Not because I didn't mean it. Because I did and I will not have people control us as we might as well have stayed in the arena. But as I say it I see both Haymitch and Peeta visibly grimace at my out burst and I know that the one job I was given I haven't stuck to. I wasn't able to sit still and listen like a good girl for 10 mintues.

"Sorry." I mumble.

"No you are correct Katniss." Coin says this time. "So will you be willing to help? We do feel that as the mockingjay it is your responsibility. People look to you, they need you to help them fight, to help them have courage and help protect them. It is an honour to be held with such high regard among thousands."

I instantly feel suffocated. I can feel the weight of the world literally, on my shouders and I'm stuck. I can't escape it. My breathing starts to increase, out of anger or fear I don't know, but it won't calm down. I can feel myself beginning to sweat. What is happening? I grab onto Peeta's hand under the table. I feel him squeeze it back in a reassuring manner. He knows that Coin's words have effected me. But his comforting touch isn't working I can feel myself getting worse amd worse, I feel the need to cry and scream and kneal over.

"Sweetheart, you oright over there?" I can hear Haymitch, but he sounds far away. I feel disconnected from the real world as if no one is really here.

"Katniss?" Peeta. I can feel Peeta's hand on mine, it is real I reassure myself. Calm down Katniss.

"Katniss what's wrong?" Plutarch asks now. But I don't feel capable of responding, my mouth feels dry and I feel breathless. I start to shake, beeds of sweat dripping from my forehead.

"Boggs take a look at her, will you." I think it was Coin that said that, I'm not too sure. Everything feels so distant. I feel cold so when Boggs touchs my neck I almost feel as if he is trying to burn me.

"She's having a panic attack m'am, I think it could be an effect of her medication perhaps. Has she suffered something like this before?"

"Never has back at 12." I hear Gale say he sounds worried. "Catnip what's wrong?" I try my hardest to reply, but my body seems preoccupied with trying to breathe. I feel as if someone has pushed a massive weight onto my chest and is drowning me.

"What about at the Capital has anything like this ever happened before?"

"No, it hasn't" I hear Peeta say in worry.

I can feel myself slipping off my chair, my shaking has worsened and a chill is attacking my whole body and I feel myself fall off the chair but I can't seem to say anything to warn anyone. I feel someone's arms catch me. They feel different to Peeta's. I open my eyes to see that it's Boggs.

"Katniss You need to listen to my voice okay. Try to focus on your breathing and slow it down. If you can breathe in for a short time and out for a few seconds longer. Okay come on try it with me."

I try, I do, I want this to stop as much as the next person. But I can't slow my breathing down, it's just getting worse.

"Can you do something to stop it?" I can't tell who says this. But I do hear Boggs start to talk again.

"What calms her down, what thoughts could have bought on this fear? What could calm her down from this fear?"

"The woods." I hear Gale say, he is closer than the last time he spoke and I can feel him crouch down by my side next to Peeta.

"We aren't in the woods though are we smart guy!" I hear Haymitch retaliate. He sounds angry, but why? Is he scared for me. "Shit sweetheart, stop it you're really pale, just calm down for us. Come one, you can, just relax. Think about something nice. The woods, your sister, lover boy over here, and I don't mind which on you choose just calm down." I can feel myself relaxing slightly. I think about Prim. I think about her gentle kindness, and the song I sing her before bed. I'm still sweating and I still feel cold, but my breathing is slowing down.

"That's it sweetheart, we need you calm down everyone needs you."

 _everyone_ _needs_ _you_. I'm in charge. I have to save everyone. And like flicking a switch my breathing increases again. The cold fear washes over me again.

"Damn it Haymitch, that's what caused this!" I hear Peeta yell. "Katniss forget them. They don't need you okay, they've lived this long on their own they can live the rest of their lives without you. Just breathe for slowly for us."

I feel him gently stroke my hand that is in his.I feel him place a kiss on my forehead, his lips are warm. I'm so cold.

"He said talk to her Mellark not make out with her"

"Shut up Gale this isn't the time, just do whatever to calm her down." Hayimitch comes to Peeta's defence I am thankful because it is slowly working.

"Katniss, you can do what you want, you can go out into the woods right now if you want. No one will stop you. You can say no. People can have a different leader. It doesn't have to be you Kat. Just calm down and we can talk about what you want to do. Because frankly right now you're scaring me to death and we all know how much you need me alive. Okay please calm down."

The room is quite and my breathing is coming back to a normal pace, I still feel cold, but not as cold as a minute ago. I move my tongue in my mouth wetting it so I can speak again.

"Thanks." My voice sounds hoarse but I'm slowly releaxing.

"You scared me there sweetheart." Haymitch says.

"Good to know you have a heart in there old man." I joke as I watch him huff back into his chair, muttering something about 'stealing all the attention.'

"Do you want to sit up?" Peeta offers and I nod my head, starting to feel emarrased at whatever just happened. I also notice that Gale has gone back to his seat.

"What was that?" I ask to no one in paticular, but Boggs answers me.

"It was a Panic attack Katniss, they are very common in people who have suffered a great ordeal in their lives, and if there is something in particular that you have been worrying about then it will cause a panic attack. I do think that for you it was a rare accurance though, i'd double ckeck with your doctor but depeneidng what medication you are on they can increase feelings of panic and anxiety and cause attacks. My bet is that is what has happened so I wouldn't worry, you should be fine now. Just sit back in your seat and take it easy."

"Thanks." I say as Peeta slowly helps me up back into my chair.

Out of Coin, Plutarch and Bogg I am definalty starting to like Boggs. He seems kind. Even if he was helping me on orders.

"You okay?" Peeta says quietly in an attempt to make sure no one else can hear.

"Can we talk about it afterwards?" I ask, I don't want everyone to hear what has scared me. I can't show them that I am weak or they will think I am controlable. Peeta appears to understand as he just kisses the top of my forehead and sits back down in his chair.

"Of course."

If my little episode and Peeta response is anything to go by, I don't think we will have to be worrying about people not beleiveng the 'love' we share.

"You okay to continue Katniss?" Plutarch asks as everyone regains their seats. I notice Gale looking angryily at the table. Did he even care about me anymore?

"Yes"

"Well, I'll make it short, I'm sure you want to go and get some rest. But we require you to help out in the field. Both Peeta and yourself need to make yourselves known, you need to show everyone you are still together and are doing well and are continuing to fight. we think it will be best for you to visit District 8. But before you go we will make sure that training time is added to your schedule to make sure you are ready in case of a problem. But that is unlikely as most of eight has been destroyed now so the Capital seem to be leaving it alone."

"Is that really nesiscary?"

"Is what nessicary Mr Mellark?"

"Going out into the field? Especially considering Katniss isn't fully recovered yet."

"Well of course we will give her a few days to fully recover, but yes, it is nessicary. Sacrifices have to be made in times of war. You will have several guards with you as we cannot have our two mockingjay's die so soon. But we have made the sacrifice of sharing food with you, housing you, using our medication to make you well. Now I think spending a few hours of your day out in the field is very little payment wouldn't you agree?"

I can see Peeta's jaw tightening as he stares at Coin. Her words have angered me also, but I'm still a bit out of it from my panic attack and Peeta seems much more effected by her words. On the table Peeta's hands are clenching into fists so I slip mine into his. I pry apart his fingers and let them intertwine with mine, ignoring Gales looks as I do so. I try to soothe him I look at him with a look that hope fully tells him to just leave it alone. It isn't worth the hassle.

"Can we have some time to think over your offer whilst we recover?"

"It isn't an offer Mr Mellark."

"How is a week?"

"Mr Mellark, it isn't-"

"5 days then?"

I watch Coin sigh in annoyance inside I am proud of Peeta for challenging her, for showing her that we can't be controlled.

"One day."

"Thank you very much President Coin, now if you would be so kind, I think I better get Katniss up to the doctor just to check she is okay."

"Very well, we will meet here again tomorrow after super at 7:30. I believe that is everything we have to discuss, you are free to go."

"Thank you." Peeta and I stand, still holding hands and leaning on him ever so slightly for support we walk out of the room angered. As we pass Boggs on the way out Peeta stops and thanks him for helping me. I know he means it with the most sincerity and I think that maybe Boggs will become a friend to us one day.

 **There is the end of that very long chapter, I've had to split it in half as it was much longer than I intended it to be. I hope you liked it please leave us a review of what you thought about it as they really inspire me to write!**

 **Teaser: a bit of Gale confrontation, Hospital check up, something concerning Haymitch and Coin and an Everlark moment, but is it real?**

 **See you in the next chapter! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys so here is the next chapter, almost like a part 2 to the last chapter as it ended up so long.**

 **Again, a MASSIVE thank you to those who have reviewed this story and to all of you who are reading it.**

 **Kamjam: Glad you liked it! I am hoping to explore the effect of the war on them and I do feel that at times it may seem like they appear too weak at the beginning but they will get stronger again. Things won't get too dark but there will be very emotional times between some of the characters.**

 **Kien Ton: Thank you, hope you like this chapter!**

 **Guest: Yay! Glad you do! I'm worried I don't put enough of it in. But it is still the beginning and this will develop between them as Katniss starts to except how she feels.**

 **Ex2see: Thank you, I will be having more fluffiness as the story progress, I'm just trying to find the right balance between focusing on the war and them as a couple. Hopefully you will like this chapter more as I has more Everlark in :)**

 **Also a quick reminder I am no medic so my medical facts are not true but for the purposes of this story they will be.**

 **Again, I do not own the characters, sadly! Hope you enjoy this chapter and please give us a review.**

 **Thanks! :)**

Peeta slides the door shut behind us and I release a breathe I didn't know I had been holding. He walks up to me, his hands take mine.

"Are you okay?"

"No." I wait for a moment, Peeta doesn't say anything, it is like he knows I have more to say. But it is hard. This life is hard and everything, from loosing my dad, struggling for food and then Gale, is all catching up with me and I'm struggling to cope.

"I just, I don't know what happened.." my voice breaks, I can feel the tears threatening to fall from my eyes, I feel ashamed of myself. All I have done since waking up is cry in front of Peeta. I feel embarrassed and weak, and I hate it. This isn't me, but everything is just becoming too much and I can't do anything about it but follow the orders I am given. This place feels just like the Capitol, a leader telling us what we can and can not do. Not giving us a choice. Making us fight. But I can't go to my mom she wouldn't understand, nor would Gale. Haymitch is no use he would only tease me about it and tell me to grow up. Peeta is all I have.

"Katniss, it might not be okay right now, but it will be eventually. You don't have to be strong in front of me you know. I'm in the same boat as you. I have been since we were reaped, I know how you feel."

His words are so kind and calm, that's what gets to me. How calm he is, if he feels the same way I do then why isn't he about to break?

"How are you so calm?"

"I'm not inside, trust me."

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Act like everything is okay, be calm and still help others. I'm ready to break and it's showing, I'm cracking. You saw what happened in there just. It's all too much and I can't do it anymore. Peeta, I can't!"

I don't sob hysterically as I did last night, but a few tears do fall down my face, which I wipe away with haste. For once I initiate the contact. I fall into Peeta's arms, hugging him tightly, resting my chin on his shoulder where it seems to fit perfectly. I feel his arms wrap around me instantly and despite my hesitancy to feel this way, I instantly feel safer, more secure. I know the thought is ludicrous, but Peeta has always tried to protect me, so his presence makes me feel safer than if I weren't with him. I put it down, as I always do, to feeling tired and exhausted. I pretend I feel this way just because I'm weak and his arms are strong and muscular.

"How do we do this Peeta? How do we do what she asks, I'm not ready to go out to the districts just yet. I want to and I want to find Snow and put an arrow through his head, OI want to stop all this suffering. But I need to recover, I need my strength back. I need to feel strong again."

Again, I feel a massive weight lift off of my shoulders admitting to someone that I'm not okay and telling them why.

"You can wait Katniss, if you don't want to go yet you don't have to, I won't let her force you into doing anything you don't want. I don't like her either."

"I can tell."

"See, I can't hide it all the time either."

"You do a better job than me!"

He leans back from me, keeping his arms around my waist but so I am looking at his face.

"It's not always a good thing you know." He pauses looking into my eyes, his stare is so intense I'm not sure where to look and I feel conscious again of our close proximity, but I'm not ready to let go of him. "We need to let it out we shouldn't bottle it up. That's what Haymitch has done and look where it has got him. He drinks himself to sleep as soon as he wakes up! I know you find it hard to talk about it, but please don't ever feel like you can't talk to me. I will always be here for you Kat. Whenever you need to talk I will sit down and listen. I don't know about you but I find it hard to talk to people about it, not because they don't care or won't listen but because they just don't get it."

"I know what you mean. I want to tell Gale and my mom. But they don't understand. They haven't been to the capitol. They haven't met Snow."

Peeta sigh's, a sad sound that is becoming all to common. He removes his hands from my waist, the place they just occupied is still warm. They move to my face, he strokes a stray strand of hair out of my way and tucks it behind my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I try to ignore the sensation.

"This should never have happened to you, I hate what the capitol has done to us both. It isn't fair and I'm going to do everything I can to change it, I swear to you. If that's killing Snow for you or just sitting and talking this out, you are always welcome. Okay?"

I nod my head, I don't trust words right now, the intensity of Peeta's stare is making me feel weak at the knees and the sincerity of his words fill my heart.

"Thank you."

"Anytime, you know that." If it is even possible he steps closer to me kissing the top of my forehead, his lips are featherlike and I close my eyes in order to appreciate the tenderness of his touch.

"You can do the same you know." I manage to get out, "You can talk to me if you want, about anything."

"It's okay you don't have to."

I pull back from his embrace entirely this time, angered slightly. He needs to understand that we are friends, that I care and right now, hugging him, it isn't an act. I know it's my fault, but he needs to understand that people are there to look out for him too. Not everyone is like his mom.

"You're right, I don't have to, I _want_ to Peeta! Your my friend now, and that isn't an act, and friends look out for each other, especially friends who have been through and are going through what we are. I can't do this without you so I will always be here for you too. All the other victors, they've suffered alone in silence and Snow has won. But we have each other to talk it out, to comfort each others nightmares okay. Because that's what friends do and it is what I want to do. Help."

I watch Peeta's face, waiting for a reaction but he just continues to stare at me with his bright blue eyes, my eyes wonder about his face, admiring his beauty and landing on his lips. I have a strange urge to kiss them, it feels like, if there were a camera here it is what I would do. It fess like the right moment, like it is what should happen next. but there isn't a camera here I remind myself. I don't have to kiss Peeta. But do I want to? That isn't what friends do. They don't have moments when they want to kiss each other.

So I run, not physically, but mentally. I run away from my thoughts, take my eyes off of Peeta's lips and focus again on getting a reply.

"Kat, I don't...I...Thank you." He smiles at me, a genuine smile but it is filled with sadness, because we shouldn't be in this situation. We shouldn't be needing to ask each other for help because we can't face the nightmares alone.

Before I was a victor myself I would envy their houses, their privileges, and their money. I thought that they had it easy because even though the arena was a horrible ordeal they could forget about it. I mean it's what Haymitch seemed to do. But now I know you can never forget the horrors of the arena, they stay with you for your life. They haunt your nightmares and even when your eyes are open you can still see them. The people you killed and the people you watched die. And Haymitch never drunk out of pleasure he did it out of necessity so he can forget. We might have won the Games but we will never truly win. We will never win freedom and a happy life not when Snow has his claws buried deep into each and every person in Panem.

The Games aren't to solidify peace, they are to punish the people and show everyone that Snow is in-charge and he cannot be questioned. But I am questioning him. I am going to stand up to him and kill that sick son of bitch. I will hurt him for every person he has hurt. For everyone he has made someone watch die. For every person he has tortured. And for ending the lives of hundreds of young children in order of 'peace'.

"THEY ARE CHILDREN!"

I jump at the sound of raised voices coming from the room we just left.

"THEY DESERVE THE CHANCE TO FIGHT, TO PAY BACK WHAT SNOW HAS DONE TO THEM." I recognize the second voice as Coin's, the first having been Haymitch.

There is silence for a moment and when they speak again it isn't as loud but Peeta and I can still hear them. But only just, so in order to hear better we walk towards the door we just came through and press our ears against the cold surface.

"You aren't giving them a choice though, you're forcing them to fight, did what just happened give you any indication that they wanted to or are in any condition to fight?" Haymitch is speaking again, I can hear his unspoken words of 'this is excautly what Snow did.' But he can't voice them, nor can Peeta and I. No matter how much we don't agree with her ways we have to work with her to defeat Snow.

"Katniss will be up for a fight, she always has been. It was just a reaction to the medication like Boggs said." I hear Gale say, my heart jumps into my throat at his words. I'm terriefed that he will say something to hurt me. He is supposedly my friend, this shouldn't be a worry of mine but it unconsciously is, and when he continues to talk I can't help but feel he no longer knows me. No longer connects with me, because he is wrong.

"I know Katniss, she will want to help and fight right now. The Games haven't effected her like you all have been saying. It is all an act, just like her relationship with Mellark." I just stare ahead of myself at the grey walls around me, looking but not really seeing. I know that Peeta's eyes are on me but I don't make any movement to acknowledge this I just keep listening.

"She isn't the same girl you knew back in 12 Hawthorne." Haymitch says. I notice that he makes no comment about the status of mine and Peeta's relationship.

"Don't talk to me like I don't know her. She is my best friend, I have known here since we were little we have always been there for eah other and now suddenly you're the one that knows her best just because she spent a few days in the Capitol. I doubt much happened in those few days compared to all the years she was starving in 12 with me whilst you sat idoly in your big vicotrs house drinking to your hearts pleasure!"

How wrong he is.

"Watch your mouth kid you have no idea what you are talking about!"

"Oh so you're not an old careless drunk?"

"You don't know half the things I have been through, or Katniss and Peeta. You wouldn't last a day in their shoes at the Capitol."

"Oh sorry poor Katniss and Peeta. Katniss and Peeta, always together, if she can find time to make out with bread boy then I'm sure that she can find time to fight. As she will want to, because that is who she is. Not Peeta's whore."

I gasp at Gale's words. I am at a loss for words. Why is he saying these things? I look at Peeta, he is staring ahead paying rapt attention. I can see his jaw clenching and his eyes are full of hatred. I don't fear the look, if anything it makes me feel protected. he would never hurt me. For a brief moment I doubt myself, I never thought Gale would hurt me, but look where we are now.

No, this is Peeta. Peeta who, despite me ripping out his heart and hurting him still looks out for me. Still cares about me, and gets angry when someone insults me. Peeta would never do what Gale is doing now. Gale has a short fuse and is angered easily. He is like me. Like fire. We clash in some ways, too similar. But it ha never been a problem until now. Because until now the thought of Gale calling me a whore never crossed my mind once.

"That's enough you two, if you are incapable of acting civil towards each other then you will leave right now. As for Katniss and Peeta, we will sort this all out tomorrow, when they return. I will watch them and if I find their relationship to be true then I will do nothing, however, if I find their relationship to be true as you say Gale then I will do something. I will not have people trying to fool and lie to their President. Lies will no be tolerated, that leads to distrust. And distrust amongst a rank as small as ours is not something that we can tolerate. "

After Coin finishes I hear he scrape of a chair and Haymitch mumble goodbye. The door starts to move as he pulls it open and I stand still, stuck in fear of being seen. Luckily Peeta quickly grabs my waist and pulls me over to him just in time to not be seen by Coin. Haymitch however does see us and pulling the door close behind him he looks on at us with annoyance and defeat.

"Sorry kid, I tried."

"She's no better than Snow." I say venomously.

"Some people just aren't right. But you heard her, you need to keep up the act, you were great in there. Best I've seen you preform, but you need to keep it up." I nod my head, each mention of acting a blow to the stomach of how much hurt I am causing Peeta.

"Anyway, I'm going to find something to drink. Make sure to get checked by the doctor sweetheart." Haymitch gives us a weak smile and I watch him walk away from us and down the corridor until I loose him to the darkness.

I try to move back to my door so I can listen to what is happening now but I realise that Peeta still has a firm grip on my waist and doesn't seem to have notice. I try to shift but he seems to be miles away.

"Ermmm...Peeta, could you, er, let go please?"

"What?" He looks down at our joined hips and flushes with embaressment and starts to apoligise as he untangles himself from me.

"It's okay,

"Sorry Kat."

"You've been saying that a lot you know."

"Sorry?"

"No, Kat."

"I hadn't noticed, sorry. I can stop it if you don't like it. I didn't realise I was doing it." He hangs his head down in mortification. He looks so let down and hurt that I feel an ache in my heart to make him feel better, it hurts me to see him in pain and upset.

"I don't mind it."

"Are you sure, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." I am shocked once again by Peeta's selflessness. Still thinking of others first despite being hurt himself by my actions again.

"It's fine, honesty. It's nice, I like it." At my words a smile graces his face and I feel a sense of achievement, and a happiness fills me up knowing that it was me that made him smile. I once again feel the urge to hug him and savour the moment where he looks happy. But is that what friends do?

Not having much experience with friends apart from Gale, and that isn't going very well right now, I don't know if it is normal for friends to hug as much as I want to with Peeta. Flashes of girls running up to their friends on the school playground back in 12 after a summer holiday fills my mind, and they hug, screaming with delight at seeing each other again. I never understood this as they had seen each other days before about town working, so being me I had never taken part in this action and would quickly scurry off to lessons.

I come to the conclusion that it is normal for friends to hug, but ideas of Peeta kissing my forehead again, a habit he has seemed to start, isn't what friends think about. But I realsise that I want that, I want him to caringly kiss my forhead, I want it more than I care to admit to myself.

I tell my mind to stop it, to stop creating these images of Peeta kissing me, because I can't like Peeta.

Why?

The thought comes into my mind and is gone just as quick, but it stays with me. Why can't I like Peeta? What is to stop me from liking him now, there is no longer a reason I can think of. I need him to comfort me, to talk to him. To make me see reason and I want to be there for him. Threats to kill my friends and family and destroy 12 are pointless excuses now. 12 was destroyed by Snow when he knew I wasn't really going out with Peeta. Here, in 13, Snow can't get to our familes, he cant threaten us because he doesn't know where to find us. So what is to stop me from letting myself indulge in my thoughts? Why not open up to Peeta, stop pushing him away and just see where that takes us?

And that is exactly what I decide to do.

I give Peeta a smile as I place my ear back onto the cold door and try to listen to what is happening inside. However I struggle to hear much but what I do make out isn't something I wish'd to hear.

"They aren't in charge..."

"...Not their decision.."

"I will control them..."

"They won't know what is coming to them..."

"Bye."

I can't make out who is saying what as they are speaking too quite, but I do know that it is just Boggs, Coin, Gale and Plutarch that remain in there.

I'm standing with my mouth open and I look at Peeta in complete shock. I know from the look in Peeta's face that he has heard what I did. Who are they on about? Snow, the Capitol, or us? I don't have time to think it over because I can hear the shuffle of footsteps and screeching of chairs.

I feel dread suffocate me as I stare at Peeta panic written in my eyes. We have no where to hide. They will know we have been eavesdropping as the only exit is the long narrow corridor that we came up and we will never make it round the corner by the time they leave the room.

The door starts to slide open and I take a step back in fear, a step closer to Peeta. I can hear my heart beat in my ears. A gap is starting tp appear, and a shadow appears on the floor.

"Soldier Hawethorne." The door stops moving, it must have been Gale opening it.

"Remember, what we said goes nowhere outside of this room. I don't care if someone begs you to tell them. What was said here today is not told to anyone, especially Katniss Everdeen. Do you understand?"

"Yes." I hear Gale reply. I want to storm in there and tell them I heard what they were talking about, even though I don't fully understand. They need to know they can't control me. Especially Gale, my supposed best friend. I don't have long to act on my anger as the door starts to move open again.

"What do we do?" I mouth to Peeta in despair.

The door is fully open now, the lights from the computures inside illuminating the corridor we stand in. But I m no longer standing face to face with the door. I am literally standing face to face with Peeta.

He has pulled me against his chest and is kissing me. His arms, strong, cicle my waist and mine are pressed up against his chest in shock. But it doesn't take me long to melt into his embrace. His lips part and I feel his tounge glide across my lip, asking for entrance which I happily give. This kiss, it isn't like the ones we share on camera, no one would believe them. But this one. This magical kiss is very believable. Is tart to feel dizzy from lack of oxygen, my problems have gone away, my mind is too entranced by the feeling of Peeta's lips on mine, of his hands running up and down my back. I stop kissing him mometerlly to breathe for air when I feel him push me back against the wall. This action allow causes me to go weak at the knees.

I start to feel hungry, hungry for more Peeta. His mouth moves down to my neck, gente kissing turns to sensual biting as he explores my neck with his mouth. It causes a warmth to grow in the pit of my stomach. I want more. His mouth his warm and wet on my skin. He has found the perfect spot. He kisses, and nips and sucks on my pulse point in my neck causing me to reale a small groan of pleasure. I feel embarrassed by the noise I unwillingly made. But I completely forget my embarrestment when Peeta grinds me into the wall.

He continues to suck and kiss my neck and I miss the feel of his lips on mine. So I run my hands through his soft hair and bring his face back up to mine. His tongue shoots instantly into my mouth and we battle for dominance. Peeta groans into my mouth and it cause me to involuntary grind into him.

"What are you two doing here still?" Boggs' voice pulls me out of my pleasure.

Peeta takes a step away from me and I move away from the wall, my face mirroring the same bright red shade as Peeta. He has never kissed me like that before. I have never felt that feeling before in my stomach, and all I can think about it wanting more of it as I try to neaten out my appearance.

"We were er..." Peeta starts. His mouth is swollen and red, his hair a mess from where I was running my hands through it, I don't doubt that mine is too. As if I wasn't embarrassed enough Gale is standing behind Boggs, looking at me the way he would look at the town kids. With hate.

Wasn't Gale out the door first though? Does that mean he has just been standing there watching?

"I think it's pretty clear what they were doing." he says.

"We were um distracted." I pathetically mumble, too embarrassed to remember my rage I felt seconds ago at Gale.

"Obviosuly." Boggs says, his voice, unlike Gales, isn't full of hatred. If anything he appears to be holding back a smile. "Weren't you meant to be heading to the doctors, you need to check you're okay after what happened in there Katniss, just to be on the safe side."

All I can do in nod my head and try to subtlety smooth down my clothes. My top is half way up my stomach. Were Peeta's hands there? I can't remember.

"She seems fine now."

I try to think of something to say to Gale, but before anyone can do anything he walks past us pushing my shoulder forcefully with his and storms off down the corridor. I stumble back, but am quick to regain my composure.

"Sorry about him, he seems pretty annoyed today. Don't know why, he'll get over it." Boggs tells us as he too then leaves, in a more pleasant manner than Gale had. Even after what I just heard inside that room, and now I know that Boggs is on Coins side so I shouldn't trust him. I can't help but hope that he is telling the truth. That Gale will get over whatever 'it' is.

Once Boggs has gone it leaves Peeta and I alone in the corridor once more. But this time I don't feel comfortable in the silence we stand in. I have no idea what to do, or say. My breathing is still coming out hard.

"Well, you should probably, you know, just go get checked. Make sure everything is okay and that-"

"Yeh, I em will, see you tomorrow?"

"Well I can come with you if you'd like."

"No." I answer too quick and I watch, in annoyance at myself, at Peeta's crestfallen face. This isn't letting him in. This is the exact opposite. This is pushing him away. But right now I need to sort out in my head everything that has just happened, and I can't have Peeta beside me to distract me.

"I can, I can go on my own, don't want to keep you, if you need to do something. I think I might go to my room and sleep anyway. I'm tired."

Great job at rectifying your mistake there Katniss! I think to myself.

"Okay, then. If you get hungry don't hesitate to ask for something."

"Thank you, I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeh, tomorrow."

"Bye Peeta."

Awkwardly I walk away from him the end of our conversation feeling too formal. All the way to the doctors my mind is plagued with thoughts of how mean I have been to Peeta and I promise to myself that the next time I see him I will apologise because it isn't fair for me to kiss him like that and then just walk away. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves better than me, but for some strange reason he says he wants me. And if he didn't say it enough, he definitely showed it in that kiss just. My heart starts to quicken up at just the though of his body pressed against mine on the wall.

I am almost near the docotros when I drag myself out of my thoughts. I don't ven remember waking all the way here. This distraction isn't good for me so I do what I'm good at and put it all to the back of my mind and leave it there. I forget about it, I will come back to it another time.

I meet Doctor Aurelius, the man Peeta said had been treating me, and I explain to him what happened in the meeting, and what Boggs had suggested it was. He is a very cheerful person, which annoys me slightly due to my mood and fatigue. But nether the less he is nice and takes a few tests and does all the doctor stuff my mom did that I never paid attention to and comes to the conclusion that Boggs was right. My panic attack was due to a reaction of my medication. If I had not been on the medication he said that I would have still felt panicked and anxious but it is unlikely that I would have reacted in such a violent way. He did tell me, in an attempt to reassure me, that it is a very common illness from sufferers of war and stress and even happens to the most unsuspecting people and all he can do to help me if it does contiue is counselling. Something that for me is not very appealing.

By the time I am done in the doctors and have said bye I find myself almost falling over out of tiredness so I decide to make my way to the dorm room I have been allocated. Doctor Aurelius had my room information as he was the one to discharge me from the hospital and he gives me a rough indication of how to get there. It is just more lefts and rights, ups and downs, through endless grey corridors. Some, if I'm lucky have bins or branch off into other corridors where there is noise. But I pass all of this until I find myself in corridors lined with doors and numbers.

257 is my dorm room. The second floor down from the canteen. All medical deparents are on floor 5, the 5th down from the canteen. The canteen is one of the top floors, and is also home to the assembly area that Doctor Aurelius told me about, he said it was where President Coin gave her speeches.

I reach my room door, it is an exact copy of all the other doors in the corridor. I swipe the key card that I have been given into the slot and the door slides open with ease.

There isn't much to the room, I guess it is a way of making sure no one spends too much time in here. There are 3 rooms, plus the entrance way. I walk into the entrance, and am met with three doors, one to my right, one in front and the other to my left. The one to my left is a door that leads to a small cramped room with a sofa that seats two, so I assume this is some sort of lounge area. In front of me there is door that leads to a basic bathroom. No bath, just a shower toilet and sink. And to my right there is one final door, which on the other side has a bedroom. It is rectangular and has two beds. One is slightly bigger than the other which I assume will be the one I share with prim.

Between the two beds is a small wooden table with an alarm clock placed on top. It reads 2:45pm. I coud go the canteen, but I am not hungry. My body is exhausted from all the walking I have done today after 3 days of lying still. So I decide to stay in here and get some sleep and wait for Prim and my mom to get back.

As I settle into bed and I finally allow myself to think about the day I have had. My first day awake in District 13 and I'm ready to leave. I am full of all sorts of emotions, my head is buzzing as if there are a thousand tiny areoplanes wizzing about in there. But mostly I'm outraged at Gale, he has no right whatsoever to talk about me, Peeta or Haymitch the way he has today, and he can't treat us that way either. Thinking about him is making my blood boil. Things would be much more easier if I could tell him everything. And despite my anger towards him I can't help but feel embarrassed at being caught kissing Peeta by him. All these emotions threaten to consume me. So shifting the pillow under my head I turn onto my side and close my eyes, waiting for sleep to come. But just before it consumes me I realise that for some reason I don't find regret in my mix of emotions because isn't that what I wanted, to kiss Peeta? But what does that mean, what do I want from him?

 **There is Chapter...what are we on now, I've forgotten. My internet has been rubbish these past few days which is why this has taken so long, sorry! Anyway I hoped you liked it and as you can see (read) Katniss is finaly starting to accept that she might like Peeta and is giving there relationship chance and Gale is just getting worse and worse.**

 **I also know that the layout of 13 is different to how Suzzane Collins created it. I won't stray too far from the original ideas but I have altered it slighty for the purposes of the plot which you will come to see in later chapters.**

 **I hope you are enjoying it. Would love to know what you think of it, and I'll see you in the next chapter!**

 **Chapter teaser: It's a long night for Katniss, plagued with nightmares and sweet dreams and my first Chapter with Prim in.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys, so here is the next chapter! Hope you enjoy it and I would love if you could give it a review thanks a bunch to everyone who has been reviewing you guys are great! And so is everyone who is reading this as well!**

 **And just so you know, the italics in this chapter signify Katniss having a dream.**

 **Ex2see: Thank you! Glad you liked it, chapters will have more Everlark in now, some won't have as much but hopefully enough for you to like it! And as for Coin's plan, it isn't a good plan as you can tell, but in the next few chapters she will do something that show you what her plan is. It's almost like the book but more extreme.**

 **Guest: Thank you very much! :)  
**

 **KienTon: Wooo thank you!**

 **Kassioppe: Thank you! Means so much, especially with this being my first long story that I haven't stopped doing halfway through! Hope you like this chapter as well!**

 **Pearlfever: ahaha don't worry Gale is going to start some trouble but not for a bit, but I wish it would come sooner, because I AM SO EXCITED TO WRITE IT, I can not contain my excitement! :)**

 **KamJam: Thank you! Glad you are liking it, there will be more Gale in a couple of Chapters :)**

 **Disclaimer: These Characters do not belong to me.**

 **Enjoy :)**

 _I can feel the rain hitting my face, soaking me from head to toe. At least in the rain no one can see my tears. I am sitting under a tree outside the Mellark's bakery, breathing in the scent of fresh bread in the hope that it will satisfy me as if I were eating it. But it doesn't._

 _Each drop of rain seems to force the life out of me. I want to crawl up and die, it won't be long until I do now. I tried to go through the bins, I tried to find just a scrap of food for my family, but the bakers wife shooed me away as if I were some sort of rodent. I guess I'm no better than a rat, scurrying through the bins, looking for food, not caring what I look and smell like just as long as I'm alive._

 _I was shooed out a few hours ago now, the sky has turned a dismal colour and it has started raining and I have taken refuge under the tree a few meters from the bins._

 _I hear a crack of thunder and the rain starts to pour with more force than before. Not long now until I collapse from fatigue and lack of food. I haven't a hope left in the world to survive and help my younger sister._

 _I'm slowly drifting off into my slumber when I hear raised voices drifting towards me from the Bakery. I recognise the high pitched one as the woman who shooed me away from the bins. As I squint through the downpour I see her standing, rolling pin in hand, in the back entrance. Her face contorted in anger as she looks down on what I can only assume to be one of the Mellark boys. I know there are 3 sons that work in the Bakery alongside their father and mother. I see them around school. Never once have I talked to them, but I regularly exchange a squirrel for some bread or a biscuit with the father._

 _He is a kind man, always praising me for my catch and no matter how much he tries to strike a conversation and make me feel welcome I am always in a hurry to leave the shop, it isn't where I belong. And I can feel everyone's eyes on me, judging another desperate 'seam slut.'_

 _I look closer, the raised voices growing louder, I can make out the features of the boy and recognise it to be Peeta Mellark._

 _He is in my year and a few of my classes, but we have never spoken. It is rare, but when his father isn't there to take my squirrel I will make the deal with Peeta, I never say anything to him either, I just place the squirrel on the counter and he does the same with his food._

 _I remember the first few times he had tried to make a conversation with a simple 'Hello' which I hadn't returned, because Peeta Mellark was the guy that every girl wanted in town, top of the wrestling class, blonde hair and bright blue eyes, so it was obvious that any conversation attempt was out of pity and that was something I didn't want or need._

 _"Idiot!" I hear the woman yell, I watch as Peeta cowers in fear. My heart aches for the boy. I can see in his hand a burnt loaf of bread, does such a thing warrant such brutality?_

 _"Stupid boy, can't you do anything right? Do you know how much time and money a burnt batch will cost us. It will be coming out of your wages child!" Her words are laced with hate and disappointment and a feeling of fear washes over me as I see myself in her shoes talking to my mom in that same manner._

 _I watch in shock as the woman lifts her rolling pin and strikes her son. I can't stop myself when I feel the words leave my mouth,_

 _"PEETA!" I don't know where it came from but I gasp as he stands there and lets his mother continue to strike him as if he deserved it._

 _I push myself up and off of the ground with my remaining strength an urge to make sure that he is okay overcomes me. I don't know where this feeling is coming from, but watching him in pain is hurting me and I know that I need to stop it._

 _I push myself forward through the rain, but my journey seems never ending. I just watch helplessly as Peeta collapses to the floor,_

 _"STOP IT!" I yell._

 _"Come get your lover boy then Katniss." I am shocked that the woman knows my name and my eyes flick to Peeta's motionless body when she called him my 'lover boy' we have never spoken before have we?_

 _But then I remember, I remember the games how we both won and how we were reaped again and how 12 was destroyed, and when I look back up at his mother it isn't her anymore, instead it is Snow, towering above Peeta._

 _"Katniss Everdeeen, come have a look at Peeta, do you really care? Convince me."_

 _Suddenly I am by Peeta's side. I forget about Snow, but I am reminded that he is there by the pungent odour of blood and roses that radiates from him._

 _"Peeta, Peeta, are you okay, please talk to me." I cradle his head in my arms and stoke his hair, praying for him to awaken._

 _I can feel tears falling from my eyes._

 _"Katniss?"_

 _"Yes Peeta, I'm here, it's okay don't worry. You're fine. It will be okay."_

 _"No."_

 _"What?" I am confused as Peeta gets up off of me as if he hadn't been hurt._

 _"It's not fine Katniss. You lied to me, you told me you loved me and I believed you. It won't all be fine, is that what you told Rue before you let her die? You didn't even try to help because desperate seam sluts only look after themselves don't they."_

 _I stare in bewilderment at his sudden outburst, is this what he thinks?_

 _"You have ruined everyone's lives, why couldn't you have just died in that arena?_

 _"Peeta?"_

 _"Everyone would have been better off you know-"_

 _"You don't mean that, Peeta stop it lease."_

 _"Why should I, it's the truth-"_

 _"Peeta." I say with more uncertainty now._

 _"You are a selfish whore."_

 _"Peeta"_

 _"What don't you remember the night on the train, you did it for the camera's didn't you?"_

 _"What no, Peeta!"_

 _I stand there, each word a blow to me, does he really believe what he is saying? Does he really think this of me? He had told me he didn't but has it all been a lie, like when I lied to him. Is he acting, pretending so that he can survive?_

 _"Peeta-" I don't finish my sentence as Peeta lifts his arm and strikes me down with the back of his hand, my head makes contact with the concrete and he leaves me to bleed._

 _I can feel the warm blood trickling down my face, but I don't care. I'm dying and everything will be so much more easier if I do. No one needs me, nothing is good in this life, so I just lay there, crumpled on the ground, and watch through a haze of rain and blood as Peeta and Snow walk away._

 _"I told you Katniss Everdeen, I always win, have I convinced you?" Snow's voice is like a dagger to the heart, he has done this, to us all, to everyone. He has killed thousands upon thousands and hurt the good. Killed the innocents, and injured the brave. My anger builds, giving me new strength._

 _I'm not a sleam slut. I'm not selfish. I'm the girl on fire and I'm gonna burn Snow's sorry ass to the ground. I get up once more, this time it doesn't take forever to reach Peeta and Snow. I have a bow in my hand and I have pulled back and I'm ready to fire. Ready to kill Snow once and for all and say goodbye to all the suffering and pain._

 _I stare down the line of my arrow and release it aiming straight for Snow's chest, and I watch the cold metal sore through the sky. But it isn't Snow's chest that the solid metal collides with. It's Peeta's._

 _"PEETA!" I run forward screaming, what have I done! Peeta falls to the ground panic in his eyes as he stares at me. The arrow is protruding from his chest, but it hasn't pierced all the way through. I watch as he starts to convulse._

 _"Kat"_

 _"Yes" The use of the nickname makes me think that he is back, the real Peeta that would never say all those cruel things, is back._

 _I watch as from his pocket, with his last remaining effort, he pulls out berries. Nightlock. Just like what we had in the arena._

 _"This is on you too." He says to me, his last words as I watch him eats the berries. Swallowing them whole. I cradle his head as he grows still, dying in my arms._

 _"You sick son of a BITCH!" I scream to no one, because Snow is gone, and it is just me and Peeta alone in the rain. But I really am alone because Peeta is dead, and I killed him. I couldn't save him._

 _"Peeta" I whisper, hoping for a reply._

 _"Peeta?" There isn't a rely._

 _"Peeta?" Still no reply, he is dead and I killed him I killed my Peeta. So I sit there and cry, until I can cry no more. Occasionally I scream his name into the endless night. I don't know what for though. I feel numb as I watch the hovercraft come to take Peeta away from me like they did the fallen tributes in the games. The metal claw looms above us in the sky, cold and grey. I don't move, I don't do anything as I watch the talon like claws come to scoop away Peeta and take him away from me. It is probably for the best, away from me I can't hurt him. He is safe. Dead but safe. And though I want him to be safe and though I know he is dead I still call out his name, hoping for a reply-_

"Katniss wake up!" the voice is accompanied by a gentle hand shaking my shoulder.

I jolt up in bed, my breathing laboured, as sweat or tears pours down me, I don't know which it is, it is most likely both.

I wake up confused as to where I am, but then the last days events come back to me and I reassure myself what just happened was a dream. My breathing slows down to a more normal pace, but I can still fell my heart pounding in my chest as visions of my nightmares replay themselves in my mind.

"Katniss?"

It is then that I notice that beside me is my younger sister Prim whom I haven't seen in a few weeks. She is on the bed next to me under the blankets but siting up looking at me with worry in her eyes. I can't help but stare at her face, memorizing all of her features, noticing how she has changed, grown. Her face, though still young has matured and I can't help but think she looks very mother-like as she looks on me with worry. I have missed her so much.

"Are you okay?" I don't answer her, I just lean over and pull her into me. Giving her the hug I couldn't give her when I was reaped. When we were pulled apart without a goodbye as I went once again to my death in the Capitol.

"I've missed you Prim."

"I've missed you too, but you're back now, it's okay."

I just nod my head as I draw back from our embrace. I look around the room, it is dark now, and the alarm clock on the bedside table reads 1:34am. In the bed next to us is the sleeping form of our mother. Even in seep she looks tired, do I look like that?

"What were you dreaming about?" Prim asks me, I don't want to tell her, not because I don't trust her but because I don't want to share the horrors I've been through with her. She is still young and as innocent as you can be in this world. I want her to stay that way for as long as possible.

"You can tell me Katniss, I won't judge you if that's what you are worried about"

"It's fine, it was just a nightmare."

"It sounded worse than a normal nightmare."

"Did I wake you?" I instantly feel bad for disrupting her sleep, I've heard from Peeta that she has been working tirelessly in the hospital to help out.

"Yes, but it doesn't matter, I wanted to talk to you when I came in but you were asleep and I didn't want to disturb you."

"How have things been in 13?" I ask trying to steer the conversation away from me.

"Good, it's so much fun helping out in the hospital, they've said that if I keep working as I do they will give me a proper nursing job in the district!" I smile as I watch her face light up talking about what she loves to do.

"That's great Prim! I'm so happy for you. Is mom okay as well, has she been looking after you?"

"I can look after myself fine Kat, you know I can. But she has been okay, worrying about you though. We both have." I recognise the nickname Peeta has started calling me and I notice how from Prim's lips is has a much different feel.

"It was horrible watching you in the arena again Katniss. I forgot how terrible it was the first time. I know what you promised Haymitch, Gale told me. Things got even worse when they bombed the District, I had no idea what was going to happen to you let alone myself. But knowing that Peeta would die for you made it that bit easier, I knew you were as safe as possible in your situation. I got used to 13 quick and have been waiting for you to get better. But Katniss, what was your dream about?"

"Don't worry about it Prim, it's nothing. I don't normally get them that bad."

"You don't normally sleep without Peeta."

"What!" I blush a bright red, embarrassed at her assumption.

"I don't mean it _that_ way, I mean you've always been with Peeta at night."

"Only in the arena."

"Yes, but how did you sleep in the arena."

"Fine." I admit.

"You know it isn't weak to admit you need someone Katniss."

I look at my younger sister, her blonde hair flowing down her back, I'm in shock at her maturity and wisdom, when did she become so observant?

"My nightmares, they're about loosing you normally, or someone I'm close to."

"Why?"

"Because I can't protect them."

"You don't have to."

I want so bad to tell her of Snow's threats and that I do, that it is up to me to convince him in order to protect those I love. But just like with Gale I can't. And now it is a different game, if I don't convince the districts I love Peeta then there will be no one left to fight with us and they will fight against us for lying. I don't blame them, I would follow someone that lies.

"Who did you dream about loosing tonight?"

"Peeta" I say quietly.

"I gathered, you screamed his name a lot."

"Sorry."

"It's okay, It's understandable you have both been through so much and are going through so much, and no one can really understands because no one has been to the Capitol."

I feel a huge sense of relief knowing that she understands. She gets it, and she won't judge me or criticize me for not always telling her everything. Who would have thought that it would be the youngest that understood the most. Looking at her I realise that she is very lucky, she has the best characteristics of our family. Our father's level headedness and passion, and a healing hand like our mother. Sometimes when I picture how my mom used to be before our dad died I just picture Prim.

"Did I wake mom?"

"Yeh, I told her to go back to bed though, she's had a bad day at work and was tired."

"Okay."

"What happened in your dream?"

I hesitate for a moment, debating whether or not to tell her. But I gather that I owe her this much, there is so much that I can't or don't want to tell her that I at least owe her this, beside she only wants to know so she can help me.

"Peeta, he died, I killed him." It hurts to say it, to know that what he said to me in the dream was true, I have hurt so many people, and it is all on me.

"He is only a few doors down you know he's safe."

"Yeh, I guess in the arena when the nightmare started, I'd wake up and see him, and then I could settle back down. It just felt so real this time."

"Do you want to go see him now?"

I instantly think 'yes' but it is the middle of the night, he wouldn't appreciate me waking him up now and admitadently there is a part of me that is scared to go see him. Scared that he will tell me exactly what he told me in my dream. But then I also remember the Victory tour, the nights when we were told we had to sleep in the same room, despite my first thoughts of at this it ended up being the best nights sleep I'd had since the start of the games and since. We never did anything other than sleep, sometimes we would talk about our nightmares and we would comfort each other in the night when we had one. But then once it was day again my walls went back up and I pushed him away, so I can't blame him for anything he has said to me in the dream even though it wasn't him that actually said it.

"No, I'll be fine."

"You sure, I don't mind, and I'm sure mom won't and Peeta definatly won't he cares a lot for you Katniss."

"I know, I care about him too Prim, but I' scared. I feel something for him, but what happens if I let him in, he will only get hurt."

"He is already hurt, he has lost his family and you not being with him is hurting him also. You should let him in, what would be the point in fighting for a better life if you wont allow the better life to happen?"

I'm speechless at her wise words, her talking to me now makes me wonder what has ever stopped me from admitting my feelings and acting on them before.

"I know, thanks Prim, when did you get so smart?" I give her a little teasing nudge.

"I've always been smart, I've got to make up for you!" She teases and I smile at her glad that she is fine and happy and making the most of our situation.

"Rude!"

"And you aren't" she raises an eyebrow at me and I feel like a child being scrutinized by a parent.

"You should try and sleep." she tells me.

I nod my head, scared for sleep, not wanting to relieve my nightmare. I hate that the Capitol has done this to me. Before my suffering was starving which meant no matter my pain I didn't have the energy for nightmares, but now I have nightmares and I get them when I am awake, and only Peeta can empathise, only he makes me feel safe now. I am becoming more rellaiant on the boy with the bread and though it is hard for me to admit I don't mind it anymore, I want him with me. I need him to stop the nightmares and to know that he is okay too.

"Okay, I might think about it, erm..going to...Peeta."

"You should, he needs you as much as you need him. If you get a nightmare again try and think if something happy, it always helps me." I can hear tiredness creeping into Prim's voice and it isn't two minutes before I hear her breathing settle and she is fast asleep.

Trying not to disturb Prim I gently get out of bed and remove my sweat covered shirt and replace it with another dull grey one from the chest of draws. I catch myself in the mirror that hangs above the bedside table as I go back to bed and notice how ill I look. There are bags under my eyes and my skin is very pale and will no doubt get paler the longer I am underground. My hair has become knotty despite me brushing it earlier and there are tears marks down my face.

Ignoring my state I climb back into bed beside Prim being careful not to wake her. As I pull the covers over my body I become scared to sleep terrified that the nightmares will overcome me once more, and will disturb Prim once more. She deserves some better than me for a sister, I can give her all the love in the world, but I fear that I will never be able to protect her. She just helped me because I was scared of a nightmare how am I meant to help her if I can't sort myself out?

'Something happy' Prim's words come back to me. Images of my father appear in my head, of him taking me down to the woods and the lake. Teaching me how to hunt and coming home laughing, sitting on his shoulders carrying a squirrel in one hand that I had shot right in the eye earlier. As we would walk through the door my mom would be sitting in the front room doing something to pass the time as she would wait for us to return home with tea. She would pick me up and twirl me about causing me to laugh and smile.

I smile slightly at this memory, but as I let my mind explore it my mood is quickly dampend again. The woods my father use to take me in is where Gale kissed me. That was when our friendship started to deteriorate and it still isn't fixed. Not after what he called me today. My dad, who would carry me through the house door is dead just like everyone else who didn't make it out of the District and just like District 12 my mom is gone, that happy smiling woman I knew as a child that would look after me has disappeared like everything good in my life.

I feel my eyes water up, this is not going back to sleep, so I try to focus on Prim's breathing, matching mine to it in order to relax.

'Something happy'. What is there in my life that is happy and hasn't been destroyed by Snow yet? I don't know.

I wish right now that I had Peeta beside me, if not to talk but just to lay by so I know he is okay, so I feels safer. Peeta. He makes me happy. An image of him smiling at something I've said comes to mind. The little smirk he does that makes his eyes twinkle. I imagine being with him now, feeling his strong arms wrapped around me, knowing that my company helps him too, and that we are a team. Not one weak side and one strong but both stronger because of each other. I think of his warm lips pressed against mine, and the sensations that his soft touch causes. And the sensations that his not so soft kiss early caused, that hunger only he can stir inside me and before I realise it I have fallen asleep, no nightmares now until I wake up again.

 **There you have it Chapter 8, a moment between Katniss and her sister and the inner fears she has showing through her nightmares. I know not much happened in this chapter but I feel that is was needed to build the relationship between Prim and Katniss and just show some feelings I might miss out if I just focus on action.**

 **And what is this moment on the Victory Train that keeps getting mentioned? Afraid you won't find out for a while yet, so you'll just have to keep reading :)**

 **I hope you liked it and could give us a review, they are so beneficial and I'll see you in the next chapter!**

 **Chapter Teaser: Peeta and Prim moment and Katniss talks to Peeta :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys!**

 **So here is the next Chapter and I hope you all like it and again a MASSIVE thank you to everyone reading/review/favourite/following this story! And I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to get this chapter out my only, pathetic, excuse is major writers block and a busy schedule. But it is here now and I hope you like it!**

 **I am afraid with Guest reviews you will have to just guess which response is for you as I can't know who is who (which is fine) Happy hunting :)**

 **Kien Ton: Thank you! Your constant reviews are lovely to read!**

 **Jed52: Thank you very much, (review for Chapter 1) I'm glad that she is coming across that way and I hope you enjoy the other chapters!**

 **Guest: Thank you! I only think that it is fair to reply a you take the time to read and review it, and there views make me so happy and encourage me to write no matter what they are! and Gale is going to become an ass don't worry :) in the 2 chapters time there is going to be a collision with him Peeta and Katniss which I'm very excited to write. And in later Chapters he will become worse!**

 **Daisy3D: Thank you so much, I hope you enjoy this Chapter!**

 **lhaine07: Thank you for each review on each chapter! I'm very glad you like how I am portraying the characters as adapting them to my story but still remaining close how Suzanne wrote them is tricky. Not all will be the same as the original but I want to stay fairly close. Gale will become worse as the story continues I hope you like that! I am focusing on two main points in this story and it will be Peeta and Katniss' relationship and the war, at the moment not much is happening war wise and it is more relationship for the time being but later on there will be chapter solely for war when Katniss gets back into action. DO you think I should have more chapters in Peeta's POV but still have them in Katniss POV also? Not for every chapter, just the one I feel need it. Things are going to be sorted out between Peeta and Katniss next chapter definitely, it has been a long time coming! :)**

 **Ex2see: You'll find out a bit of what happened on the Victory tour next chapter and a few chapters down the line something big will happen concerning it. Afraid there won't be a baby from what happened at the Victory tour though. Maybe in another story once I finish this one though! And glad you like Prim and Katniss' relationship, I want to make sure it is a good one as I feel like in the films it isn't advertised enough.**

 **Kassioppe: Wow! Thank you so much! That means so much and I'm glad that you are enjoying it!**

 **Guest: I plan on seeing this story through to the end, all the chapters are planned, so there is no reason for me to leave this!**

 **Guest: Thank you so much! sorry about the wait for this chapter, the next won't take as long!**

 **Enjoy and please give us a review of what you think so far!**

 **Disclaimer: These characters are not mine I am just using them for the time being :)**

"I've got it Prim!" I wake to hear my mom half yell.

I internally groan still feeling groggy and tired despite just waking up. I roll over in bed, squinting at the alarm clock that reads 7:30am. If it weren't for my uneven sleeping pattern recently I would be shocked at getting up this late, as usually I am up around 4:30 to go hunting before the peacekeepers start roaming the streets. However the games cause you to take naps and not have full nights of sleep leaving you regenerated only for a short time and add on top the nightmares I can't say that waking up at this time shocks me. What does shock me however is someone knocking on our door at this time.

I know that I should probably stay in bed and sleep and allow my body to heal, something I know it needs to do from the constant ache coursing through my body, but I ignore the reasoning and sit up. I stretch and rub my eyes. The room is still the same boring grey as it was last night but Prim is no longer in bed next to me, and from the well made bed next to me I can see that my mom isn't either. I hear the front door open and shut as someone walks into our dorm. For a moment I fear that it is Coin coming to tell me something, but then I hear my mom start to talk.

"Hi Peeta, how are you?" Her voice sounds nicer than normal, chirpier. Not a tone she has ever used with me since my father's death. This voice she speaks in now is a false exterior that she puts on when she has company. Something I never mastered. Instead, with me, if I don't like you or I am in a bad mood then you'll know it.

"Doing better, thank you Ms. Everdeen, 13 is much better than the Capitol as I'm sure Katniss has said."

"It is? I haven't spoken to her yet, she was asleep when we came back from work last night and I'm not sure if she is awake right now, I'll check for you. I wouldn't have thought what with the luxuries you have there, oh well, that life isn't for everyone is it now."

"I guess not, and if Katniss is still asleep don't wake her I can just wait until she wakes up. I know she needs the sleep."

"No it's fine, why don't you come in and I'll go fetch her."

"KATNISS, PEETA IS HERE FOR YOU."

"Yeh, I'm coming hold on two seconds." I don't bother talking to my mom anymore than that. I hate it when she acts this way in front of people, as if everything was all lovey dovey and happy family here. Because it isn't and Peeta knows that, he knows it is fake, none of us are good liars.

"Peeta, is that you?" I hear Prim squeal, as I throw the covers off of my body and head for the living room where I can hear Prim talking Peeta to death. I can't help but smile at how well they get on, it is good to know that even though Peeta has lost some of his siblings he still has Prim that thinks of him as one. Before the quarter Quell Peeta and Prim really bonded living in victors village. Peeta didn't really have a choice, I refused to talk to him so Prim was his only company as his family had refused to leave the bakery to live with him.

I'm almost in the living room when I walk into my mom coming out.

"Katniss, how are you?"

"Okay I guess." Are conversation is awkward and hostile, I, despite trying my hardest in these past few months, do not trust this woman fully, not after how she abandoned us. But I'm growing more and more to understand why she did, this doesn't mean that I am okay with what she did, as if it weren't for me, Prim would have starved to death and myself and my mom following suit.

"I'm glad, I've talked to some of the doctors, they say you should be back in perfect health and they expect you to be ready to help Coin as soon as possible."

"I've been told." my anger as to be told what to do starting to show.

"Do you think you will be okay?"

"No, not until Snow is dead."

"Katniss, I don't want you pushing yourself if you aren't ready, I don't want to see you hurt. But please don't talk like that, it isn't nice to hear you making death threats."

"I don't think that's up to you."

"I'm your mother, I have a little say in what you do-"

"No you don't, you lost that right when you stopped caring for me and Prim, then you let us all detriatorte. You left this family for dead and I don't know if I will ever forgive you for that."

My mother's face looks crestfallen, a part of me is glad, but another part, a bigger part, feels bad for what I have said no matter how true it is. I know the pain of loosing someone close to you. When I thought Peeta had died because of that force feeled my heart was in my mouth, and I couldn't, wouldn't believe it. My heart felt broken and I didn't know what to do, how to move as I had stared down at his lifeless body. Even the memory of it still hurts. But I hope, or least like to think, that if Peeta had died I would have continued, I would have got up and made it back to Prim just like I have always promised and not abandoned her like my mom did us.

"I might not be able to forgive you, but I know you are trying, and I want to try to. I don't want to dread coming home and seeing you, I want to tell you things mom, but it's hard, we haven't been close in a long time."

"Not since your father died." I hear her mumble.

"But if I say things, like me wanting to kill Snow, it's something you'll have to get used to. I hate him mom and everything he has done. There are lots of things that you don't know, that he has done to Peeta and I. Lots happened on our trips to the Capitol that only we know. I want to tell you, but it is too dangerous."

"This isn't fair, the way you have always protectd your sister because I wasn't there, and now you are tying to protect everyone still and you are being threatened. None of it is fair, and I'm sorry, becasue I know that I am the reason for some of it."

I smile, what feels like the fist genuine smile I have given my mom in a long time.

"Thanks."

"Maybe one day Katniss you can tell me, or someone else everything that has happened to you so you don't have to bottle it up inside, so you don't have to suffer alone."

"I don't, I have Peeta."

"I'm glad you do, he seems a nice boy, shame what has happened to his family." I watch as my moms face is overcome by a mask of pain and I wonder why the Mellark deaths have affected her so much. And even though I am trying not to resent her I still feel that nagging voice in my head telling me she never seemed to care this much for me and Prim.

When I got back from the Hunger Games I continued to ignore my mom, it was ony after encouragement from Prim that I started to talk to her occasionally. Years and years of ignorance from her had caued me to act the same to her. At times I wonder if it is because of her I am a hostile person. I have little trust in people and it takes me a long time until I feel I can trust someone because when your mom, a person you trust with your whole life, abandons you trusting someone to care for you and look after you again isn't easy to come by. I have tried to explain this to Peeta, but I can never say it, I am afraid that he, growing up with a large family, will find my worries stupid and petty.

But it's Peeta. I think, would he ever do such a thing?

"Well, I'm going to work now, could you tell Prim to get ready to go please. We finish around 6 normally because they are so short of staff but sometimes we might run over, but I think you have a check up later today so we will see you then. Peeta will probably show you around, you might see Gale about as well. Just take it easy Katniss, please."

"Okay." I don't mention to her that things aren't good between Gale and myself at the moment, I don't want to worry her, and if I'm honest I don't have the energy to think about him right now. If I do I will end up in a bad mood all day. All thoughts of Gale aside I say bye to my mom. There is no hug, no kiss goodbye, it never has been like that between us, and I doubt it ever will.

I walk into the living room where I can hear the non stop voice of Prim, the floor is cold on my feet, but the sight that greets me warms up my heart. Prim is perched on the edge of the couch with Peeta knelt at her feet. They are playing a game with there hands which I sometimes play with Prim. She calls it slap, and it's as painful as it sounds if you don't move your hands away fast enough. Prim is chatting away to Peeta as she beats him at the game, both of them are smiling and I make sure to keep this moment safe in my head.

For too long in the victors house I would ignore their interactions, just wishing that Peeta would leave so I didn't have to look at him and feel guilty and be reminded of the Games and lies I had told. But now I realise that because of my ignorance I have missed watching Prim and Peeta grow close. lost the precious time we had when we thought we were safe because I was too proud to have help from anyone.

"Katniss you're up!" Prim's chirpy voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and unlike my mom there is no fake-ness about her tone.

"Right in one Little Duck!" I smile at her as she gets off the couch and gives me a hug. I notice that she has more meat on her than she used to, living in the Victors village for all that time really helped her with her health and weight. She doesn't look like a fragile little girl anymore, and in the day light I see how much taller and older she looks. Relief, at the thought that she has managed this far, that I have kept my promise to her and myself to keep her alive and well as best as I am able to and most important of all she is looking healthy and happy.

"Did you sleep better once you fell back asleep."

"Yes I did, don't worry." My answer is short, I don't want Peeta to hear about my nightmares and problems, he already has enough to worry about. And I know that if he heard about them he would try to help me and he doesn't need anything else to add to his list of things to do.

Luckily I don't think Peeta hears what Prim said or he thankfully ignores it.

"Mom says you've got to go now."

At this Prim's face falls slightly.

"Hey cheer up, I thought you liked all this nursing stuff?"

"I do, but I wanna stay with you today! And I want to help out more!"

"Hey, you can see me later, it won't be long. I won't be that much fun anyway. I've got to go see Coin and have a boring talk with her!" I roll my eyes excessively at my words causing Prim to chuckle.

"Yeh, you're right, you're boring."

"Hey!" I say pulling her in for a hug she can't escape.

"Katniss let go!"

"Never Little Duck, you've got to stay with boring old me and Peeta today now!"

Prim sqeauls and I hear Peeta chuckle, the noise feels me with butterflies and I don't know why. his laugh is much lower than Prim', and there is a warmth to it that makes me want to melt.

"Katniss let go, I don't want to spend time with you and Peeta when you act all couple-y. It's disgusting."

"Just wait till you get a boyfriend Prim, you'll do all sorts of 'couple-y' things!"

She makes fake gagging noises and I instantly feel awkward at both of their words not daring to look at Peeta, Prim just insinuated that we do 'certain' things and Peeta didn't deny it, he then implied we were boyfriend and girlfriend! However I don't find myself minding this and manage to fight down a blush.

"Yeh whatever little Duck, I'll see you later." I smile at her whilst giving her a death glare so she knows she is in trouble. But she just laughs at me and turns to say bye to Peeta.

"Bye Peeta, will you come round soon again?"

"Of course Prim, can't miss out on a chance to beat you at the game again!"

"Surrrrre you will, just remember what I said though!"

Quizzically I look at Peeta, wanting to know what Prim has said that is too secret for me, but he just blushes at her words avoiding my gaze and sticking his tongue out at Prim.

I watch Prim as she sticks her tounge out in a childish manner, you wouldn't think she was off to go and help injured people in a hospital with the way she is acting. Peeta and I, still standing in the living room watch as Prim leaves the room, turing around and giving us a smile before she shuts the door behind her going off to help. Reminding me that I should be doing the same and not standing in a room lounging about debating how I feel about a certain person.

"She loves being with you, you know? It makes her day, she thinks of you as her brother!" I say as I watch Peeta stare at the place Prim just stood.

"Funny thing that, she was telling me the same thing about you just a minute ago, at least I hope you don't think of me as a brother!" I blush a dark crimsion at his comment, not used to this confident Peeta that has walked into my room this morning, but I don't deny it. I'm fed up of lying and acting as if I don't care.

Baby steps, I think.

 **Sorry not much happened in this, but I wanted to get something out because it has taken me so long. The next chapter will be the conversation between Peeta and Katniss and again really sorry about the delay for this, for some reason I didn't know what to write.**

 **Hope you liked it and could give us a review, and I'll see you in the next chapter (which will be up sooner than this one was! :)**

 **Chapter Teaser: Entitled 'Not a Lie.' Peeta and Katniss talk about several things including a bit of what happened on the Victory train! And will there be an Everlark fight? or kiss? or something else entirely!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys, I am so sorry how long it has taken to update I have had really bad internet for the past week but it has been fixed now and updates will be back to the normal speed. Thank you to all the reviews again, it's fantastic! Responses to all reviews from the previous chapter will be in the next chapter as I want to keep this one short!**

 **This chapter is quite short and is Peeta's POV of the previous chapter as I want you to know the conversation they had when Katniss was still in bed, and how Peeta's first night in his new room at 13 was.**

 **This chapter, if you don't like POV changes, you can skip, it won't matter to the story as you won't miss out on any life alters plot. It's more just Peeta's thoughts that I want to include every now and then just for m own sake as I enjoy writing it and I hope that it adds some dimension to the story and makes Peeta's character bonds stronger.**

 **The next chapter will be up the same day as this for those of you who aren't too bothered by this chapter, so if you read this and the next chapter or just the next I hope you enjoy it and could give us a review to tell me what you think so far and opinions you have and if you like these occasional Peeta POV chapters? :)**

I'm already awake when my alarm goes off. It reads 7:00. Staring at the ceiling tucked in bed, drenched in sweat. Not the best way to start the day.

My night was plagued with nightmares yet again. It is always the same, I watch my family die in the flames that engulfed District 12 and then watch as Katniss dies too. Every night she dies a different way, and every night I am helpless to save her. And every night I wake up panicking, screaming, sometimes crying, and most nights I can wake myself before I scream, before things get even worse. But recently, without the presence of Katniss to reassure me she is fine I find it harder to fall back to sleep.

So most nights, like last night, I stay away and stare at the ceiling. Back in 12, when we were in the Victors Village and Katniss wouldn't talk to me, I would wake up screaming and sweating to an empty house and the only comfort I found was painting. Painting the nightmares as if I was transferring them from my mind to the canvas. Most nights it would help, but here I have nothing like that to ease my pain. So instead I stare at the ceiling and envisioning brightening up the dull grey walls, painting all over them to make them brighter and more welcoming.

Now that my alarm has gone off I finally move from my bed, removing my sweat covered clothes and head to the bathroom to get ready for the day. I try to make myself presentable. I try to pretend that I haven't had nightmares for the past year, that I don't get 2 or less hours sleep every night, depending on my luck. I try to cover up the dark circles that have made themselves at home under my eyes. I most of all I try to pretend I haven't watched countless people die painful deaths every night. I try to forget about the pain I've caused others from killing their child in the games, but most of all I try to forget that my family is dead.

Gone.

The idea seems absurd and leaves my body feeling cold and empty. I have never had the strongest bond with my mom, but I still miss her. I miss my brothers and the way they were so laid back about life and the love my father had for everyone and everything, because now, just like them, it is gone.

Nothing is 'laid back' anymore. In order to calm myself down, I worry about Katniss. It feels like something much more manageable, though most wouldn't think that! Her problems I seem to be able to help, and it comforts me just to have her there.

I know that most people think of me as a lost puppy, pining away for something I can't have, but I hate it when people think like that. Katniss isn't something that I can have and I don't pine after her. At least not anymore. Now, I accept that being with her is unlikely to happen, but what I do value is her friendship. I need it to help me. She doesn't realise that her company alone helps me wonderfully, and I don't know if she ever will. But I'm okay with it. I still only ever want to be with Katniss, but right now, just being her friend is enough for me.

I find myself knocking on the Everdeen's dorm room half an hour later, suddenly feeling insecure. Does Katniss want me here? Last night she left in a hurry. I thought that I had scared her off. Prim is in there also. Prim and I have grown close in the last few months at Victor's Village, but now thoughts of it being a pretense settle into my brain. Did she only talk to me because I was the only person there?

"Hi Peeta, how are you?" Ms. Everdeen greets me at the door.

"Doing better, thank you Ms. Everdeen. 13 is much better than the Capitol, as I'm sure Katniss has said."

"It is? I haven't spoken to her yet. She was asleep when we came back from work last night and I'm not sure if she is awake right now. I'll check for you. I wouldn't have thought that, what with the luxuries you have there. Oh well, that life isn't for everyone is it now?"

"I guess not. And if Katniss is still asleep, don't wake her. I can just wait until she wakes up. I know she needs the sleep." Just as much as I need it. But the sleep is hard to come by, so if she is sleeping now I don't want to disturb her. She is so tired and has so much pressure on her shoulders that she deserves every last bit she can get. So when Ms. Everdeen shouts for her despite my protests I feel bad.

"No, it's fine. Why don't you come in and I'll go fetch her."

"KATNISS, PEETA IS HERE FOR YOU."

"Yeh, I'm coming. Hold on two seconds." Hearing her voice makes me relax. Even though I know she is fine, hearing it first hand helps me to believe it.

"Peeta, is that you?" Prim squeals as she comes bolting into the living room and jumps into my arms, causing me to chuckle and throw her about as if she were a baby.

"It is!"

"Good!" She says throwing her head back in laughter.

"Where have you been?" I know that she is referring to my absence at meal times and I do feel slightly guilty, but I know that for my own sake and Katniss', I needed to stay with Katniss.

"Looking after your older sister."

"She has doctors to do that you know!" I place her back onto the ground and she takes a seat on the, you guessed it, grey couch. I'm at a loss as to what to say. I feel as if I am being scolded by someone younger than me. I know that Prim is teasing me. She loves doing that. Ever since becoming my friend, I think it has become her favourite game. Back in Victors Village, every time I would come around to see her or drop off a fresh loaf of bread, she would tease me as Katniss walked past. Causing me to blush profusely and pray that Katniss didn't notice, and I don't think that she did. Her attempt to ignore me worked very well despite my efforts to talk to her.

I want to help her, and I hope that she knows that she can come to me if she needs to talk about anything, because there is only Haymitch that knows about the mental torture you suffer after the Games. Some nights when I can't sleep I think about Katniss, pretend that she is next to me in bed and most nights it helps me to sleep. But some nights, when the dreams get a bit out of hand and I allow myself to think about Katniss in a more adult way I find myself lying awake for much longer. But I don't really mind when that happens, it creates a far different feeling than fear, and the next day I can never look Katniss in the eye. One look and the images that played in my head the night before resurfaces and blood rushes to my face and other parts of me.

"I've missed you Peeta. Why didn't you come back with Katniss last night? We haven't seen you in ages and you shouldn't have to be alone."

"It's okay Prim. I think Katniss was just tired last night and she didn't really want to be with anyone, I don't think."

"Well you're wrong! You should have come back with her. Last night was horrible. She was screaming and crying. What happened to you two in the Capitol?"

I'm in shock. How is it one of the youngest people can be so wise and notice so much? I regret that Prim saw Katniss in pain last night. Watching your family hurt isn't something anyone should she, let alone someone as young as Prim. But the mention of Katniss' nightmares worry me. I know she won't tell me about them. She won't want to worry me, but knowing she is suffering in silence worries me more and I just want to help her feel better. Especially right now with barely anyone on our side.

 _"Isn't that what you are doing though?"_ I think to myself. Suffering in silence and not telling anyone.

"You need to talk to her. I know you have nightmares too, Peeta. You don't look too good. When was the last time you had a good night's sleep?"

I blush remembering when it was.

"The Victory tour."

"Peeta, that was months ago!"

"I know. I just...I can't seem to sleep very well when I don't know where my family is and where Katniss is. But now that..that..my family has...gone all I have left to worry about is you and Katniss."

"You don't need to worry about me Peeta. Katniss does enough of that herself!"

I smile at Prims' words. She might pretend to hate it, but right now I would do anything to have a family to worry about.

"She needs you Peeta."

"Really?" I hate the way my voice sounds small and hopeful as if her rejecting me would crush me. But the scary truth is, it would. If Katniss stopped talking to me I'd go crazy. I'd turn out like every other Victor there ever was.

"She said it to me last night. You need to talk to her about it. You've both been through so much that not many people can understand, and I hate seeing you two suffer."

Tears are forming in her eyes and I automatically put my arms around Prim and hug her, hoping she knows that I'm here for her, too. She sniffs into my shoulder where her blonde hair covers her face.

"It's gonna be okay Prim. I promise."

"I know. Snow doesn't stand a chance against you or Katniss. And I want to help, too."

"You already are helping. Don't feel like you aren't. All your work in the hospital is amazing. You save so many lives so that people can go on living and fighting.

"It's not that big."

"It is Prim. Don't think it ever isn't, okay?"

She nods her hea and removes herself from me.

"I've probably got to go in a minute."

"Well, now that Katniss is awake I'll see you around more at meal times, and I don't doubt we won't be in the hospital for a few check ups every now and then."

"Good."

She smiles at me and we chat while playing a game we used to play back in 12 as we wait for Katniss to get here. As we talk, I think about Prim's words, that Katniss needs me as much as I need her. Does she? I need to talk to her properly, and stop being scared of frightening her away. Be more confident around her. She doesn't have to 'fall in love' with me. I don't expect that, but things don't need to be so awkward. We need to talk about how the Games are still affecting us. It is a luxury to have another person to talk to about things when all the other victors didn't have that, so I don't expect to waste it.

 **So here is just a quick little chapter that isn't needed very much but I just wanted to write it, the next chapter will be up later today!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys, so as promised this is the next chapter and we are back in Katniss POV!**

 **Just want to say a MASSIVE THANK YOU to Windsongspringheart for beta-ing this story, it is a great help and mean a lot, managed to sort this mammoth of a chapter out all today, so thank you!**

 **Matanier: Happy moment between them ensured in this chapter! :) There will be happier moments to come and this one isn't the happiest, but it is a start and I hope you like it!**

 **HelloEverlarkForever: Here you go, it's what you've waited for an Everlark...well, you'll have to read to find out!**

 **Ex2see: Thank you, I will be involving them in this more than the books, and little friendships and relationships that are perhaps not as predominant as others in the book.**

 **Guest: Sorry it took so long for that update, and if everything goes okay you'll get your Gale moment next chapter! :)**

 **everlarkFeels: Hope you enjoy it!**

 **grace: Sorry it took so long, my internet was bad for the week but updates shouldn't be as far apart now that it is back to normal, hope you enjoy this chapter!**

 **Kien Ton: thank you! So glad you're liking it still and that you like this chapter, what do you think of the Peeta POV chapters? are they something you don't mind?**

 **lhaine07: I'm glad that you like their relationship, hopefully the last chapter in Peeta's POV was enjoyable for you! yes the relationship between Katniss and her Mom will become stronger than it was in the books as I feel it needs to be by the end, but to get there it will be a rocky road! And in this chapter Katniss will be opening up to Peeta, so I hope you like it!**

 **Kassioppe: thank you very much, hope you like this conversation just as much :)**

 **Guest: Thank you, there is more than just a talk between Katniss and Peeta in this chapter so I hope you like it, and the Gale encounter will be in two chapters time :)**

 **Guest: Thank you for the review and personally I enjoy writing Gale in this way, however I do know what you mean, sometimes he can get too stupid. He is going to calm down at points, but for now I have written him as a changed personality just because it is my take on the story. I do hope this is okay, I understand if you don't like it, but I have planned the chapters to fit to a more annoyed and jealous Gale. There is a small reason as to why Gale is acting the way he is and it will be reviled in time. I'm sorry that it isn't how you like Gale to be portrayed though but I hope you can still enjoy it a bit, as after the next few chapters he is going to be nice and earn back some trust and explain himself.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, I'm just using them for a bit :)**

 **Hope you all like it and could leave us a review of your thoughts of this and any previous chapter!**

With Prim gone, me and Peeta stand alone in my living room. We stand in silence for a moment, I know the first thing I want to do is apologize for last night when I just left him alone saying I was tired. The being tired part had proved to be true but I still feel terrible for leaving him like that. It isn't fair with how much he has been doing for me recently. Peeta, however, beats me to it.

"Are you okay?"

"I guess so." I shrug my shoulders in response. Every time I am asked that question I don't know what to say. I can never express my feelings correctly and it is hard enough to explain it as it is. But I need to tell Peeta, just like Prim encouraged me to last night. I need to sleep and relax as much as possible, and it seems I can only do that when I am with him.

"No, I'm not actually, I..." I struggle to find the words, but as always Peeta knows what to say.

"Nightmares?"

I just nod my head, and take a seat on the couch, Peeta following me. The couch isn't very big, it can only sit two people comfortably, but with us on it you could squeeze in a third. Our bodies are close to each other, I can practically feel the heat radiating off of him. But I don't find myself feeling awkward or imposed upon with this closeness so I remain next to him, our bodies turned slightly so that we face each other.

"I had one last night."

"Prim said."

"No surprise there!" I mean it as a joke but it comes out harsher than I intended.

"She is only looking out for you Kat."

"I know it's just, she is the younger one, she is the little sister and I should be looking out for her! Not the other way around!"

"I know you want to protect her, and you are, but we have been gone a while. She has grown up whilst we were in the Capitol, learned to fend for herself a bit more. She is only looking out for you because she cares just as much about you as you do her."

There is no fault in Peeta's words, and just like every time I talk to him, I feel more reassured about my actions, and my brain less cluttered.

"Do you want to talk about your nightmare?"

My mouth tries to say 'no' it is my instinct to shut people out, but this time I'm not going to. "Yes."

"It was stupid really. I'm fine now. It wasn't real, I know that, but..." I start word vomiting over Peeta trying to act unaffected by my nightmares like any normal person would be.

"Katniss," Peeta's hands stretch out to find mine, clasping them in his own, soothing me. The warm touch, and gentle rubbing of his thumb against the back of my hand relaxes me. "I get them too, and I'm definitely affected by them. I wake up sweating, sometimes screaming...they feel so real, don't be ashamed."

I watch as Peeta pours his heart out to me. The very part I want to hide from him. Because if I open up this part of me to him, then he knows everything about me. The parts I have never told anyone else, and I don't want to seem like a lost cause that he will abandon. But aren't people meant to know the worst and accept it and remain together? 'For better or for worse' or something like that.

 _Wait! why am I reciting marriage vows thinking of Peeta!_

"I swear sometimes they did happen. Some are memories, but most the time losing you is my nightmare, and knowing you are okay calms me and I'm able to drop back off. But I haven't been able to er...do that in a while."

I look into his blue eyes, they are full of intensity and glistening with fear.

"That's what mine are like, I lose you or Prim and I wake up screaming. I'm too scared to sleep alone, and when I wake up, I don't want to because then it just makes my nightmares a possibility." We don't talk for a moment wallowing in our pain.

"How do they do it?"

"Who?"

"The other Victors. They never had anyone else with them when they won. How aren't they as messed up as us all the time?"

"I think they are Kat. They have just learned to hide it better over the years."

"How do we get rid of the nightmares? Do you think they will ever go away?" My voice is small and scared, like it always sees to be with Peeta. Recently it feels as if all our conversations are sad and I don't like it. Yes, I need to talk it out with someone, and who better to understand than Peeta? But I don't want all memories of Peeta to be miserable. I want to treat him like the friends we are becoming and have fun times together as well.

"No. Perhaps over time they won't be as bad, but I don't think they will ever go away fully."

I grow cold at his words. I physically shiver at the prospect of never having a good sleep again. The only time I get a decent sleep is when I am with Peeta and I know that him and Prim are okay. That is how I get rid of them. But, I seem to have lost my previous confidence in asking Peeta to stay with me. Here, in the moment I'm scared of what he will think. Will he think I am pathetic, or a wuss like Gale thinks?

"Kat, Prim said to me today, and I don't know if it's what you want or not, if it's not that's fine. I don't want you to feel like you have to or something like that I don't want you to-"

"Peeta?" I know where he is going with this, and watching him struggle to not offend me is perhaps one of the sweetest things I have ever watched.

"Yeah?"

"I did talk to Prim last night, too, and she made me realize what helps me to sleep and I didn't know how to say it so I wasn't going to, but I'll save you from the pain of asking, because you're too cute all flustered!" I realize what I have said and ignore it, quickly continuing with my point. "I sleep better when I am with you."

"I do, too. I just don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you to-"

"You're not. I need you, Peeta. It is my decision to stay with you. I can't let Snow take you away from me, not after everything I have already lost. You don't need to be worried about me, I want to sleep with you. What happened on the Victory tour wasn't your fault, Peeta, and it hasn't frightened me away from you, I promise. Besides, if I want to go I can easily kick your a**!"

He smiles at my comment, "Really, you kick my a**?"

"You know I could Mellark!" I pretend to punch him but he grabs my wrist, gently, and we find ourselves fake fighting on the couch. I go to 'hit' his face but he grabs my other hand, causing me to lose my balance and fall onto Peeta so I am lying over his lap. I feel him tense underneath me and at first I feel embarrassed, but I can't help the laugh that starts to leave my mouth. As soon as I laugh, Peeta relaxes and he starts to chuckle also.

"Great a**-kicking Everdeen."

"Don't you forget it!" I lift myself off of Peeta's lap, but instead of doing what I normally would, which is to walk away, I remain lying on the couch with my legs curled up and I rest my head on Peeta's shoulder so we are still sitting side by side. Naturally, Peeta's arm wraps itself around my waist and pulls me closer and I don't pull away. I take comfort from the closeness. I feel a sense of ease I haven't felt in a while to just be joking around with someone. It is moments like this that I love, seeing Peeta happy, feeling happy myself, the moments are rare but are becoming less so with Peeta.

My mind wanders off into blissful oblivion and I can feel the lull of sleep pulling me under. My breathing is slow and smooth and I know I'm not far from falling asleep, needing to catch up on what I was deprived of last night. But, like Snow's does, Peeta's voice pulls me away from my blissful thoughtlessness.

"What are we going to tell Coin today?"

I sigh, exasperated. I haven't really thought about it to be honest.

"I don't know, I want to go out and help so bad. I feel useless laying around here. But I'm not ready, I know it. I couldn't protect myself in the arena when Johanna was attacking me, so how can I expect to protect hundreds and thousands of people?"

"You don't have to, we will tell Coin that we just need a few more days."

"That should be fun. I can't wait!"

"Me either, but we have to. We just need to get through the next few days until you feel ready to go help out in the Districts and we can get away from Coin."

I notice that all the time Peeta is saying 'we' and it makes me feel as if I am holding him back.

"You don't have to wait for me."

"I want to." His hands comes up to stroke the side of my face, contentedly I lean into it. "I don't want to be separated from you again. Not after the Games. I thought you were dead for a few hours and it was the worst few hours of my life. I won't let it happen again."

I'm about to say something that could possibly come close to the caring words he has just said to me, but my stomach has other ideas and lets out a rather loud growl and causes Peeta to laugh.

"Hungry?"

"Apparently." I look down at my stomach in mock annoyance as if it is the one in the wrong. But, as I haven't fed it in quite a while, I know it is really me in the wrong and I need to move and get up and ready.

"You go get ready, I'll wait here while you do."

"Okay, I'll just be a minute."

I get up off of the couch, and as I leave the room, I can feel Peeta's eyes watching me and a warm sensation travels down my body and I smile. Letting him in, and not pushing him away every few seconds is already turning out to be good. I don't feel as guilty around him for all the things I have done. For all the times I have lied to him and made him think my love was real.

I am quite fast at getting ready, only having to wash my face and brush my teeth and I'm back in the living room quickly. The one thing I haven't done is brush my hair since I couldn't find a hair brush anywhere.

I walk back into the living room to see Peeta inspecting a photo of my father. It is the only photo we have of him. Standing in his uniform, and though I miss him and cherish the photo of him dearly, every time I look at that photo I feel a sense of hatred. He is standing in his uniform and that is what got him killed. But now I know better. Snow had him killed and every time I look at that photo, it is tainted with the thoughts of Snow. Even when I didn't know it, he was corrupting my life, messing with it as if it were a toy. Panem is just that to him, one big expandable toyshop. He can pick and choose whatever toy he wants to play with next until he breaks it and it starts all over again.

"You have his smile you know." Peeta brings me out of my thoughts. He doesn't turn to face me, he continues to look at the photo, its wooden frame starting to go green with mold.

"I don't exactly smile much though." I walk over to Peeta as I say this to get a closer looks at the photo. I see it almost every day, but I always fear that I will forget what my dad looked like and that the memories will fade once I forget that. I stand behind Peeta, my chin almost resting on his shoulder as he speaks. I can see the top of his collarbone at the edge of his shirt and the tanned muscles in his arm flexing slightly.

"You do. Just not when people are looking much."

"Well you must notice me."

"I've noticed you for a long time, Katniss."

Again the underlying topic of his feelings for me are hinted at in his words. But I don't mind as much, I just brush it off and continue to talk.

"Like when, exactly?"

"Hmm. Well, there is those times whenever you're with me, of course!" He jokes.

"Obviously. You're the best company ever!"

"Quite right m'lady!" I chuckle at his teasing tone, cherishing this side of him. I don't think about what I am saying, I don't think about the fact that I am being more friendly than normal towards him.

He places the photo back down and turns to face me. I notice then how close I had been standing behind him. We are inches apart and I can feel his breath on my face and an overwhelming urge to press my lips against him consumes me. To feel the warmth of his soft skin against mine. I can hear my heart quickening and my breaths coming shorter. I'd be embarrassed at Peeta noticing this if it weren't for the fact that he was reacting to our closeness in the exact same way.

It wouldn't take much to move an inch closer.

"You haven't brushed your hair." And the moment was gone. The courage that was building up inside of me has vanished and I take a step back swiftly.

"Yeah, I couldn't find the hairbrush. Prim must have taken it..I..." my sentence comes to an uncertain end and I feel like an idiot for being so thrown off by our close proximity. I try everything to calm myself down to remind myself that this is Peeta and I am being stupid acting this way. My eyes avoid his. I suddenly don't know where to look, so they roam round the room as I speak. I can't remember how to look at him as I talk. What is too much eye contact? Where else do I look when eye contact becomes too long?

My thoughts become quick and irrational, though the restless eyes turn into my savior because as I look around, I see the hair brush lying on the arm of the couch, Prim's hair tangled between each bristle, evidence that it moving was her fault.

"I found it!" I say too excitedly racing over to get it.

I pick it up, the bristles pull at my hair, I've never had much patience for brushing my hair. It always seemed too time consuming and irrelevant. I remember when I was younger asking my mom if I could cut it off like dad.

" _Don't be silly, why would you do that?"_

 _"Because it gets in my way, mommy!"_

 _"But you look beautiful with it, sweetie"_

 _"Nope. Dad doesn't have long hair and he still looks pretty!"_

 _"That's because he isn't you. Your hair is fine."_

 _"No it's not! I have to brush it instead of going out into the woods with dad!"_

 _"You know you're not allowed in the woods, Katniss."_

 _"But if I didn't have hair, then I wouldn't have to brush it when you ask and I could go with dad."_

 _"I'll think about it sweetie, but for now you need to finish brushing it for school."_

Looking back now, I know it wasn't my hair that was stopping me from going hunting. It was an excuse so my mom could stop me. At the time I didn't need to go hunting and she would always come up with another time consuming job to get me to stay away from hunting.

Ever since then, though, I've never had the patience to brush my hair gently, which is most likely why it is so knotty all the time and frizzy. I can hear the hair break as I force the brush through it, parts of my hair leaving my scalp with the brush.

"You'll end up bald with the way your going at that Kat."

"You don't have to brush your hair everyday, though, do you?"

"No, but you could be more gentle with it." He grins at my obvious impatience.

"It's not funny, your not a hair expert are you? So don't criticize."

"I'm looking out for your hair Katniss. You're putting it in serious danger! It might become extinct if you continue like that."

"Oh, so my hair is more important than me is it? It's okay to criticize me but, pull too much at my hair and the Peeta police are here!"

"Peeta police?"

"Yeah, Peeta Police!"

"Great one, Kat. Very clever."

"If you're going to complain so much, why don't you do it oh-clever-one?"

"Peeta Police to the rescue!"

Immaturely, I stick my tongue out at him, unable to hide the smile from my face. I hand the hair-covered brush to Peeta and turn around to give him access to my hair.

I stand there, trying to forget about Peeta and how I can feel his body heat radiating on me. I can hear each breath he takes and feel each soft touch he places on my head. Each time his hand strokes my hair following the movements of the brush, he does it with such tenderness and care. I find it almost hypnotizing. Listening to his breathing and leaning into his gentle touch, I could fall asleep.

"You're very good at this."

"Well I have done it before."

"When?"

There is a pause before Peeta answers and when he next speaks it is quietly, almost as if he is embarrassed or scared. "When you were in the hospital.

"Oh." I don't know what to say. The thought of Peeta being so close to me as I lay defenseless on the hospital bed makes me feel betrayed. He did something to me without my permission. But my immediate reaction is the old untrusting Katniss and I think to myself that he never did anything to hurt me. Slowly the thought of Peeta being next to me on the hospital bed stirs strange feelings in the pit of my stomach and I feel warm inside as if I am...excited.

I push the feeling away from the forefront of my mind.

"Why did you?"

"I didn't want to leave you and I was just…" The sentence hangs unfinished in the air. I can tell that he is embarrassed.

"Thank you."

Peeta doesn't say anything after that. We stop talking and I allow him to brush my hair and I just stand there, eyes closed.

I am so content and relaxed that I release a small moan of pleasure. I instantly open my eyes, embarrassed.

"Sorry. Did I hurt you?"

"No, it's just nice." I mumble incoherently and I am glad that we aren't facing each other as my face is turning a very vibrant shade of red.

Admittedly, I don't want him to stop. It is such a simple and soothing action, and one I am surprised at how much I enjoy it. But nevertheless, my hair is finally knot-free, and for the first time in a long time, I want my hair to be brushed for longer. I want to spend the rest of this day in the intimate moment.

However, Peeta does stop brushing, much to my disappointment. I go to say thank you, for all the times he has brushed it for me without my knowing, but it doesn't feel like enough to do that. Not to someone like Peeta who I'm so close with. So, I do what feels quite natural.

From behind me, Peeta leans his face over my shoulder ti pass me the hairbrush back. I can feel his breath tickling my neck, and before I lose my confidence, I turn my head slightly and give Peeta a kiss on the cheek in thanks.

Well, that's what I had planned, but it isn't what happened. As I turned my head, Peeta turned his slightly to avoid bumping mine. So as I leaned in for a chaste kiss on the check I met something else. My lips brushed Peeta's. I feel him suck in a breath in shock as I do the same.

His lips are just as warm as I remember them on mine, and in that split second that our lips make contact, a warm tingling feeling shoots down through my body to my toes and I crave more.

Shocked at this, we both pull back slightly. I look into Peeta's eyes. They have gone a darker shade of blue and his breathing is shallower. His pupils are dilated and I watch him as he stares at my lips, unconsciously licking his own.

So I kiss him again. This time I mean to meet my lips with his.

I shift my body so I have better access to his. I mould my lips against his, feeling the warm wetness of his mouth against mine. His arms snake their way around me, making me feel warm and secure. I want, no, I need more. The kiss is quickly becoming heated. My hands are roaming through Peeta's hair and our breathing is labored. I press my body against his, moulding to the perfect fit. At my actions, Peeta releases a growl like moan which only spurs me on. I can feel a warmness growing in the pit of my stomach, overruling all the trepidations I have about doing this.

Peeta's mouth leaves mine and I gasp for air as he moves down my neck, slowly. He caresses my skin placing butterfly kisses down my neck. Stopping just behind my earlobe and sucking on a tender spot causing me to release a sigh of pleasure. I'm embarrassed at how loud it was but I don't want him to stop what he is doing, I don't have much experience in this area, but I know that what he is doing will leave a mark. But I want him to. I want people to know that he has done this to me, that I am his and he is mine.

"Peeta." I moan through panting breaths, slipping my fingers through his belt loops, pulling him closer.

"Yeah," he says with the same desire.

I can't form any words at the moment, his hands have found their way down to the edge of my shirt. His calloused hands are placed on the flat of my stomach, sneaking their way under my top. His thumbs rub circles on my hips causing me to go weak at the knees and gasp.

"Katniss," Peeta mutters my name, on his lips it sounds like honey and I just want him to say it again. I want more. I need him to say my name again. So without any thought I daringly grind my hips into Peeta's and he makes the noise I so desperately want to hear. I do it again, I can't control the lust controlling my body.

"Katniss," he says as I push my hips against his for a third time, our legs overlapping each other.

I stop suddenly. I can feel a hardness growing where my hips are attached to Peeta and it scares me. In that moment I realize what I am doing, and I know that I've gone too far. I shouldn't have let this happen. I wanted to open up to Peeta, but right now I don't want this. Do I? Before I let the thought manifest into something more concrete I pull back from Peeta.

"Katniss?" Peeta says, his voice still low and breathy with lust, but as he realizes what we are doing, coming down from the high, he steps back from me also. Guilt covering his face.

"God. Katniss. I didn't...I wasn't...I'm so sorry."

I'm quick to respond to Peeta, not wanting him to think this is his fault. We both did it, and we both enjoyed it.

"No, it's okay-"

"No it's not. I promised myself I would never do that again."

"Do what?"

"Force myself on you-"

"You have never done that Peeta. Don't ever think that what Snow made us do was your fault."

"I just-"

"No. We just kissed. I just kissed you. You did not force yourself on me. You never have. Peeta, what Snow put us through might have been a horrible experience, but I'm glad I had you. You didn't force yourself on me. Not even then. If you did, you'd be in pain right now, trust me."

"Sorry, Kat-"

"Stop apologizing, Peeta. It's not your fault, and it's not like I didn't enjoy it." I blush at my words but try to force it down.

"I like you Kat, but that doesn't mean I should do that. Not if you don't like me."

I could tell him now. It would be the perfect moment. Just to say that I like him as well, that it isn't a lie. But my earlier courage that caused me to kiss him has vanished.

My stomach growls again, bringing with it a change of conversation.

"You ready to get some breakfast?" Peeta suggests.

Having skipped dinner yesterday, I'm surprised my stomach hasn't made itself known more.

"Yes, I'd love some."

I smile at Peeta, trying to get rid of all the awkwardness surrounding our recent actions, but I can tell by the way he is looking at me that he still feels bad. It shouldn't be like this, so I try to make light of it.

"You might need to flatten your hair a bit before we go." I smile at him and reach for his hair. My fingers run through it, straightening it out. It is sticking up at all odd ends because of me.

"Peeta."

"Yes?"

Again I chicken out.

"Let's go get some breakfast!" He takes my hand like he always does in front of the cameras and I look down at our entwined fingers. I decide I like this. This is contact which isn't forced, so don't do anything about it. However, I must have been staring at our clasped hands too long as Peeta notices and pulls back.

"Sorry, habit."

"I know." I won't chicken out. "I like it."

At this I watch the corners of Peeta's mouth turn up into a faint smile. The smile reaches his eyes and I can't help but want to make that smile bigger. Make him understand that none of this is his fault, and, if anything, he has made everything bearable and good, and even if I'm too frightened to say it to him out loud at the moment, I still like him. I still have untouched feelings for him that I haven't allowed myself to delve into.

1h agoI might not be able to say it to him, but I can move. My actions have always been better than my words, so I reach out for his hands again and weave my nimble fingers through his strong ones. The ones that were roaming my stomach moments ago. The ones that have protected me, made me feel safe, and also at the same time time, hungry. Hungry for more of his touch. Who knew something as simple as hands could be of such value?  
When I take his hand, he smile becomes bigger and I mirror it. Happy.

"Come on, Peeta police, lead me to the food!"

"Anything for you m'lady!"

"You better be prepared to carry me, then. Waking me up this early..." I know it isn't really early. If anything, I'm used to waking up earlier but I want Peeta to relax and stop feeling like he can't around me in case he does something wrong. I know that all of his trepidation would go away if I just told him that it isn't a lie. That I do like him. It isn't a lie.

As we walk out of my room and head down the endless grey corridors hand in hand, I seem to be thinking the words so much that they burst from my mouth, like a waterfall.

"Not a lie." It sounds stupid and I don't know what to say next.

"What?"

I take a deep breath, trying to suck up as much courage as I can to tell him this. It seems silly to not be able to admit feelings, but that has always been a fear. Because if I do this, the door to so many other things will open. So many other things could go wrong.

"It's not a lie. Not anymore." I say slowly.

"What you on about, Kat?"

I stop, bringing us both to a stand still.

"I'm not lying anymore, Peeta. This. Us. I-" I can't form the things I want to say. I never can and it's why I try not to talk at important times and just follow orders, but there aren't any orders right now. This is me doing what I want, no Snow to control me, no camera's to act for. It feels like the first time in a while that what I'm doing is for me and maybe that's why I'm finding it so tricky to say it.

"I didn't know you before the Games. You were just the guy that saved my family and I thought I owed you something for it. So, when you were reaped, I knew that I couldn't be friends with you. Because I still owed you and I was going to have to kill you."

"You didn't owe me anything, Kat. If someone does something for you, normally you shouldn't expect to have to give something in return but you did. Did you not think all those squirrels were no help?"

"I dunno. I thought you just traded with me because maybe you felt sorry for me. I guess that's why I never spoke to you. I didn't want your pity."

"I don't pity you, Katniss. I never did."

"I know that now, but in the arena, when I thought you had betrayed me, I thought it would be easier to kill you because you were planning on doing the same, debts be forgotten. But you were only trying to save me, so I acted. It was the only way I could save you. Now I know that I should have told you, which is why I'm telling you now. You know why I don't let people in. Why I don't trust easily, and you know why I've never let myself like anyone, but the thing is…" Again, my words start to fail me and I hate myself for it, but I continue.

"Apparently, I'm not in control of my feelings as much as I would like. Peeta, we've been though so much together and honestly, I think you're the only person I can trust now. The only person I feel safe with. At first I thought it was like it was with Gale, just work together and not talk much. But talking is kinda your thing!" I chuckle slightly, a nervous one that releases some of my nerves.

"Thing is. What I'm trying to say is, I kinda like you. I don't know how to say it, or how to act because I don't want to let myself have another person who can be used to hurt me, like Snow does with Prim. But I already do. You somehow got under my skin. At first it was an act, but now, I don't think it is anymore. I love having you as my friend. I actually enjoy talking when I'm with you. I just feel comfortable. I know I can trust you. But, I don't know what I want. Some days I convince myself it's just what we have been through, that we just have a strange friendship. I might not be very experienced in relationships, but I know you're not meant to be thinking of kissing your friend."

I take a deep breath, trying to gauge Peeta's reactions to my words, but he is just standing there. Looking at me and listening, waiting for me to finish.

"So, I don't know what I want. I just know that I'm not lying anymore. When I talk to you, when I hug you, or kiss you, I want it, but I don't know what I want from these feelings. I just needed to say this, I guess. That I'm not lying anymore, Peeta. I hate that I ever did because I know how much it hurt you." I'm struggling to finish my point, words starting to tumble out of my mouth like an avalanche.

"Katniss," Peeta finally speaks up which diffuses a lot of the worry I didn't realize I'd had. He breathes out a shaky breath. Have I scared him?

His hands come up to cup my face and his eyes stare deeply into me with such an overpowering intensity that I'm tempted to look away, but I don't.

"I would never hurt you Kat. I would never do what Gale has done to you, but I also think that maybe you should talk to Gale, I know what he said was horrible, but he is just doing what he thinks is right. He doesn't know about the threats from Snow, he thought you were dead, and then you, according to all the camera's, have chosen me. You aren't what he called you, and he should never have called you that. I know exactly who you are, and that is many things, and not one is even in the same dimension as what Gale called you."

He sounds angry, and thinking of what Gale said to me I am too, but I find that, despite hating being looked after, I find Peeta's anger sweet. Is he right about Gale? was it just a long overdue outburst? But the Gale I knew would never say something like that to me. But the Katniss he knew would never dare open up to the idea of dating someone, maybe we have both changed. The time we spent apart whilst I was in the Games changed us both. Drastic things happened and we have acted how we see fit.

"I don't think you know how happy it has made me to hear you say that. You know I would never force myself on you. I would never make you do anything you don't want, so if all you want is just to get that out in the open, that's fine. Trust me, it's more than I ever expected, so I'd be happy for the rest of my life if it was the only thing you ever said to me. I will always be here for you as a friend, or something more if that's what you want. No matter who you choose to spend your life with, or even if you don't I'll always be here you know that. Because I need you, too. I don't know if you've heard, but I kinda like you, too."

I smile at his words. Only Peeta could make something that seems so daunting to me a light-hearted and easy thing.

"Let's go get some breakfast now. And if you want, we can talk about this later. Nothing has to change, so don't feel like you have to. Let's just go eat, because I'm starving!"

"Good idea."

I take Peeta's hand in mine once more and together we walk hand in hand to breakfast. Today feels like a good day already, the weight on my shoulders feeling much lighter. Now that I've said this, we can finally stop acting strange around each other, going from confident to scared that we've overstepped a line. I know I'll have him beside me no matter what and I am relieved that just admitting it to him is enough. I don't want things to suddenly change. I need to work myself through this. I need to figure out exactly what it is. But I've been through the Hunger Games. Twice. I think I can do this. Especially since I have Peeta by my side.

 **Phew there it is! A very long apology chapter for the update being late, I hope you liked it and enjoyed the progress that is finally being made in Katniss and Peeta's relationship, I would love if you could drop us a review, I'd really appreciate it!**

 **See you in the next chapter :)**

 **Chapter Teaser: Breakfast time drama, Johanna and Finnick are back and Coin does something that's going to make a bunch of people angry!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys, so here is the next chapter, I hope your liking it! For those of you who are wanting something more than just Peeta and Katniss relationship, the war will be coming to play a bigger part in the chapters and from now on.**

 **I am also thinking of doing a Gale POV chapter next, how would you feel about that? I know for those who are not fond of a jealous and altered personality Gale compared to the book may not like it, but I will use it as a chance to try and explain Gale's actions and his inner thoughts.**

 **Thanks so much for the reviews, especially as I didn't update in a while, it's great to know you are still reading my story despite that :)**

 **Kassiope: THANK YOU! I hope you enjoy this chapter too, so happy that you are liking the story :)**

 **Pearlfever: WOW thank you so much! It means so much that you like it :) I hope you like this chapter I am trying to get them out as quick as possible.**

 **Guest: So glad you like it, honestly! Thank you so much for the review and I hope you like this chapter just as much!**

"Oh my god would you just move already!" Johanna's voice is the first I hear as we enter the canteen, so it doesn't take long for me to see her. In the far left of the room, with plate in hand, she is standing at the buffet section, yelling at the poor boy next to her. He looks a little older than Peeta, but the fear on his face as Johanna tells him to move up makes him look like a nine-year-old.

The room, unlike the rest of this place, has a white ceiling and the grey that lines the walls seems to be a few shades lighter than what I have grown accustomed to. It is full of circular tables, each sitting eight people. The canteen is quite empty now, most people having started their routine jobs. An idea that isn't sitting well with me. I do not want my 'timetable' to be printed on my arm and I do not want to follow it everyday. Being underground is confinement enough. I don't doubt there are many from 12 here that think the same as me. We might not have had much in 12, but the outside provided us all with something. If it was protection under the trees from the weather, the animals providing food and clothes, we are a district which is very reliant on our surroundings.

"We'll get food first, then look for a table." Peeta says leaning into my ear.

As we weave our way through the tables towards the buffet section, people that are still eating turn and stare at us. As discreetly as they might try, their interest in us doesn't go unnoticed. Their dull, penetrating eyes make me feel uncomfortable under their gazes and unconsciously I lean into Peeta's side, our hands still joined.

"Why are they staring?" I whisper.

"You're their hope. As much as you don't want to be, they want to see you and see that you're okay."

"No, they want to know they still have someone to fight for them."

Peeta sighs next to me,."I know. But, you survived two Games. That's never happened before. They're just curious, and they don't really know what happened. You're another clue to their puzzle."

"Another piece in their game." I mumble to myself, but loud enough that Peeta hears it.

"You've been through two as well. So has Finnick and Johanna. Why aren't they staring at them!?"

"They tried. I heard on the first day that Johanna went nuts at everyone staring at her and threatened them all with her knife and fork." Despite not liking her, Johanna does have her moments, and this one I find to be quite funny. I know I shouldn't, but bald Johanna, threatening with a small Knife and Fork because someone won't stop staring makes me smile slightly. My smile vanishes however when I remember what she did to me with a knife. Slicing my arm open, that's not a funny thing.

"Now they don't look twice. And because she is always with Finnick they don't dare look at him in case they are mistaken for looking at her."

Between the buffet section and us are two more tables. One is completely empty, but the other has three occupants, the man who was in the meeting yesterday with us, Boggs I think his name was. The one who helped me when I... I shudder at the memory not wanting to relive it and I focus back on my surroundings.

A few chairs around the table is Gale's mom, Hazelle. At first I panic, seeing her there without her children. Does that mean something happened to them? No, I reassure myself. Gale would have said something. They must be fine. And next to Hazelle sits Gale. He looks engrossed in a conversation with Boggs, and I hope that as we walk past he won't notice me, being to distracted to notice. I need to talk to Gale. I need to ask him why he said what he did. Why he is acting this way, because it isn't the Gale I know.

I know that I have changed from the Games and I expect that Gale has changed a bit also, but the change I have seen in him is uncalled for and not what I was expecting. No one was expecting it. But here, right now at breakfast, is not when I want to be talking to him. So I just walk past, holding my breath and hoping he doesn't notice me. Squeezing Peeta's hand.

"Kat?"

"What?" I look at him, then to our joined hands where he is looking down, face contorted in pain, "Oh, sorry!"

"It's okay. Can you just let go a bit?"

I do. I slacken my grip on his hand but don't fully release it and I watch as all the blood comes rushing to his hand again, like a swarm of bees to a flower.

"Thanks. I might need this hand one day you know!"

"I'm sure you could have survived without it."

"I might be able to, but what about you? Who will brush your hair? Hmm...let me think," His face goes from one of fear for my hair to that of a deep in thought person and I smile at him, but it doesn't reach my eyes. I am too distracted by the table we are walking past, so as Peeta reels off name after name of who could potentially brush my hair, I don't listen. It is only when he says my name that I focus back on him.

"Katniss, you okay?"

I look up at him, the concern written all over his face. I don't really want to talk about Gale right now, so I do what I am used to doing and put the mask back on my face.

"Yeah, fine. Sorry. Just thinking."

I know as soon as I have said it that he doesn't believe me. He, with his sea blue eyes, can see right through me. And it doesn't take a genius to put two and two together.

"You should go talk to him you know."

"I don't want to." I snap. I don't mean to, not really, but right now all my nerves are on edge. I need space. I just need to not think about Gale for a bit and not have Peeta bring him up every five seconds. I can handle it on my own, and all I need right now is to walk past him and get some breakfast.

But Peeta doesn't drop it.

"I'm just saying that you need to sort things out before it gets worse."

"Oh it can get worse, can it? What Gale said to me wasn't that bad?"

"Kat, you know that isn't what I mean. I can't stand him for what he said to you, but you've been friends your whole lives. You need to talk things through, ask him why he said it."

"Easy for you to say. I'm crap with words, or haven't you noticed?"

We walk in silence for a moment and reach the food. There are only a couple of people in the queue now, so we reach for a tray that is stacked in a pile and wait to be served. The whole time we stand in silence, me in front of Peeta, we are both facing forward and I think how I saw Gale look up as we passed. How I saw him notice our raised voices and my annoyed face and how he smiled ever so slightly.

"Could you go any slower?" Johanna' voice fills the canteen once more, pulling me out of my morbid thoughts.

"Sorry..I..I..just need..to-"

"You just need to move over!"

I watch as the same boy that was getting yelled at when we walked in, trot off in fear with his plate only half full of food. His appetite being less important than his life, he scurries away, leaving Johanna to choose the food she wants.

I watch hypnotically as she spoons a thick greyish porridge into her bowl.

"God is everything around here grey?" Her loud voice goes unanswered, people to terrified to talk to her, no doubt thinking she is both dangerous and crazy. A deadly combination. "Where's the freakin toast?"

She walks out of the line, pushing past people on the hunt for some toast. Sadly, I notice that it is the first thing on the buffet, and consequently, right next to me. I watch in annoyance as she walks back to the start of the buffet, where me and Peeta, still in silence, stand. I brace myself.

"Oohh, hello lover boy. How are you?" She completely ignores me, heading straight for Peeta. The toast, so strategically placed between myself and Peeta means she can reach for it between the two of us and I watch as she gets unnecessarily close to Peeta. Her front brushing against his, I feel a pang of annoyance and something else, but I don't know what. Is it jealousy? I ignore it and turn back to face forwards, seemingly unaffected by her actions.

"Hi Johanna." Peeta says.

"What, nothing to say Princess?" I know she is talking to me, but I ignore her, refusing to turn around. We might have had a moment of agreement back in the hospital, but I'm still annoyed with her and still haven't forgiven her.

"No annoyed look, or pissed off sigh. What's the matter dear?" It takes all of my energy not to turn around and hit her. I'm annoyed. Passing Gale has gotten me all riled up even though it shouldn't have. Feelings of betrayal and hurt are coursing through my veins with a force to reckon with God and Johanna is not helping. I try to think about how relieved and happy I was moments before walking into here. But those feelings seemed to have stayed outside this room.

"Ahh. I see. Lover's quarrel, is it?"

"No."

"Well then, why aren't you all over lover boy here like normal? And why does he look like someone stole his ice cream?"

I turn around, too annoyed to ignore her now.

"I'm not over him all the time!"

"Sure Princess! I would be if he was mine."

I can feel my cheeks warming up out of both annoyance and embarrassment.

"Well he's not."

"Johanna why don't you-" Finnick comes up behind us. He still looks glum. There is no cheeky bounce in his step that I saw in the Capitol. I know now that he never really liked it there, but right now I'd rather see a fake happy Finnick instead of this depressed and moping around one. Finnick should always be happy. It feels strange to see him not. Even in the arena he would make sarcastic comments, and though I had problems with trusting him, I grew fond of him as a friend and I'm sure that if we had met in a different situation we could have been friends. But now, that side of him that I felt could be my friend is gone.

"Have you heard Finnick, these two are having a little fight!"

"Johanna, would you stop it?" Peeta pipes up and I notice that his voice does seem to be quite sad. I instantly feel regret. I didn't mean to snap at him. I'm just glad he hasn't walked away in a huff like Gale would always do when we fell out. We wouldn't talk to each other for a few days and then, when we came across each other in the woods, everything was okay again, we would start working together again in perfect synchrony. But we never apologised, we just continued. Peeta, however, is different. I don't know how we work when it comes to arguing.

"At least they have someone to argue with," Finnick says depressingly.

"Oh quit your moping around Odair. We will get Annie back. Seriously, I need better company than you. You'll put me off my breakfast if you whine anymore."

"Fine." And we all stand there as Finnick walks off to a table. I notice that he goes and sits next to Haymitch, who I hadn't noticed when walking in. My mind had been too occupied with other things.

"Honestly, he has been the worst company since getting here!"

"You aren't the best either!" I remark. "You could at least be a bit more sympathetic. Snow has Annie. The one person he loves and we have no idea if she is alive or not. Or even if she is, what torture she is being subjected to. So just shut up try and actual feel a bit."

"You don't think I know how he feels? I can more than sympathize, sweetheart, I can empathize. I bloody know how it feels, he took my whole family, don't you remember!? When they did that, I was exactly like Finnick is and I wish I'd had someone to pull me out of it because acting sad doesn't change anything. They're still dead. So why don't you stop acting like you know everything? You've had it pretty easy, girl. Don't go walking around all sad and 'oh, I have it so hard, let me be miserable' cause let me tell you, you're not the only one who doesn't want to be here, and you're not the only one who is suffering."

I stare at her, dumbfounded. Clashing seems to be what we do best, Johanna and I. I always forget what she has been through, but she acts like she doesn't care. But, I should know better. I should know that it is just a mask because she must be in hell. Every person she has loved, gone. Dead. And everyone thinks she's dangerous or crazy.

Maybe she is right. Maybe Finnick needs to just carry on. Because moping around won't change anything. If she is dead, she is dead. How will being sad change that? I hate that she is right, and I won't tell her that.

"Thanks for the toast." I stare as she walks away, all these thoughts whirling round in my head.

"Ignore her."

"She's right you know." I admit. "Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything. I shouldn't have pushed." I can't understand how Peeta thinks that he has done something wrong by trying to mend a friendship.

"No. You are only trying to help, and I need to stop refusing the help. And you're right, I need to talk to him. I just want to do it alone, not at breakfast."

"Of course. It's your decision." I smile at Peeta, genuinely happy that he understands and is on my side. I lean into him for a hug, and he gently places a kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes and allow myself to relax about everything and try and calm down my emotions. He soothes me by rubbing his hands on my back and I have time, I think. I will talk to Gale when I'm ready.

"Katniss?"

At the mention of my name my eyes shoot open and I look over Peeta's shoulder to the find who the voice came from. Standing behind Peeta is Hazelle.

"Mrs Hawthorne! How are you?" I say as I extract myself from Peeta feeling slightly embarrassed at our actions. I might be opening up to Peeta, but the rest of the world is still off limits for now.

"Nonsense, no need to call me that, you've been part of our family for too long, call me Hazelle. And I'm as good as can be expected, I assume you are too? It's tricky not being at home, Gale can't hunt for meals and the kids feel trapped and bored. I can't sort them out though because of these ridiculous timetables. But we will manage. I'm glad to see you're up and about, Gale says you were released from Hospital last night."

I'm surprised that Gale has mentioned me after our dispute, but the fact that he has makes me hope that he still cares about our friendship and wants to sort it out. I'm also not surprised that Hazelle doesn't like the timetable system either, I'll be surprised to find anyone from 12 that does.

"I'm okay thank you, still a bit sore but things are looking better, I'm glad that you all got out of 12 okay, when I didn't see the kids I'd started to worry."

"No, they have made place for the children to go to all day while us adults work, they don't have many young kids here so fitting them in was tricky but now they just have the teachers from 12 that made it here teach them and then they can play for a little while. I'll be going to get them once I've finished up my jobs later this afternoon, you'll have to come and get them with me one day soon, I know they've missed you."

Her words are said with such kindness and warmth that I see no reason to refuse, and it has been such a long time since I have seen, Rory, Vick and Posy that I really want to except. But the cold look that Gale gave me and his harsh words are still too tender and I know that imposing on his family now wouldn't be a good start.

"I will, but at the moment Coin wants me to get involved so I'll be quite busy, maybe in a few days?" I lie through my teeth, but it isn't really untrue, but it isn't really the reason I'm refusing. Hazel has always been good to me, and she is one of the only adults I speak to back in 12, being at her house has always felt like being in a second home.

"Of course that's fine, bring your sister if you'd like, I know Posy misses her too, she's working at the hospital with your mom now isn't she?"

"Yeah, all day, I'll have to see if she can get off early to come with me."

"All day, really? She seems so young to be doing that." I nod my head in agreement she is so young, too young. We all are.

"It's silly how much they are making the young ones work. I guess everything is going to be different for a while. Being here in 13 is a big change and things will only change more at times like this. I know Gale hasn't been the same since you went into the Games the second time. I thought when you got back he would go back to normal. I thought it was just the way fear made him act, but when you got back he was, still, is acting unlike himself. But I guess it's just this war, he feels he needs to protect us all and it's a lot of pressure and stress to put on people of your age."

I can only smile in agreement this time, my brain coming to terms with the fact that it isn't just me that Gale has been acting strange with. He has been acting like it for a while. But why? What happened when I went off to the Games? I know that we kissed, but that should not make him act the way he is acting. Now I need to know what it is that has made him act this way.

As the cogs in my brain turn Hazelle talks to Peeta.

"How are you Peeta? I heard about your family, I'm ever so sorry."

"I'm doing okay thank you Mrs Hawthorne, it's tricky but I've still got Rye and things are keeping me busy."

"Well, I'm glad that you are coping, loosing your family is unbearable, and I fear the pain never really goes away. But I know that you have a good group of people to help you."

I cringe internally, realising how little attention I have really paid to Peeta. I have barely even asked about his family, and all this while he has been comforting me. I chaste myself for doing this and promise to ask Peeta about it more, he just always seems to want to make sure I'm okay and I never get the chance to ask him.

"Don't worry about calling me that cherry, call me Hazelle too, if Katniss trusts you I see no reason not to. It takes a lot to earn her trust, and if you've got it I reckon you're pretty important to her."

I find myself blushing at her words, knowing them to be very true.

"Well, I'll leave you two to your breakfast, I'm sure you'd much rather be with someone your age, nice seeing you though, don't be a stranger!"

She leans forward giving me a hug. The arms of a mother, warm and comforting, something I don't really have.

"See you later!" I say as she walks back to Gale. Just before I look away Gale's eyes catch mine. He doesn't smile, or wave or do anything. I am tempted to look away, but to me that shows defeat. So I continue to stare at him, growing more uncomfortable with every second I stick it out until Gale looks away. He goes back to his breakfast messing with is food, miserably pushing it from one end of the bowl to the other.

"What do you want Kat?" Peeta asks and I pull my eyes away from Gale, I don't need to waste my time worrying that we won't be friends, it's like what Johanna said, my feelings won't change what is happening, nothing can be done about it right now. I just need to forget about it until I speak to him properly.

"I'll just have toast thanks." Peeta places three pieces of toast onto my plate and I can see him about to put on a fourth.

"Woah, that's more than enough."

"You haven't eaten in a while, you really need something more than toast."

I reach to take the toast filled plate from him, "If I'm still hungry I'll come up for seconds."

I can see him looking at me sceptically. He doesn't realise that the amount he has put on this one plate is about how much me and Prim used to get for breakfast in one week.

"I promise."

This seems to do it, as he then piles his plate up with toast and two eggs and we walk to find a table. Peeta, much to my distaste chooses to sit next to Johanna and I park myself down next to Haymitch.

"Ahh, look the dead is walking!"

"Shut it Haymitch, I know I look like crap, I feel like it!"

"Well, 3 pieces of toast isn't gonna make you feel much better sweetheart."

"So I've been told." I say, giving Peeta an accusing look as I pull out the chair and sit down.

"You do need to make sure you eat enough!" Peeta mock cries in his defence.

"You need to make sure you don't eat too much!" I retaliate eyeing up his plate.

"I'm a growing boy!" He proudly puffs out his chest.

"Of course you are."

"You'd know wouldn't you Princess!" Johanna quips and I instantly go silent accompanied by yet another very vibrant shade of red. At the rate I'm going today I might as well make red my natural face colour!

Once I have sat down and got comfortable I start to eat my toast. I didn't realise how hungry I actually was until I let the bread past my lips and from then on out it is as if I am almost inhaling the food.

There is a chance Peeta was right, I'm very hungry.

We all sit in an uncomfortable silence munching away at our breakfasts. I am finding my plate extra interesting suddenly, not knowing where to look. Peeta is sending worrided glances in Finnicks direction and occasionally looking at me when he thinks I'm not looking. Finnick is just sitting there, lazily picking at the edges of his toast as if he is the only one on the table. And myself and Johanna are having a death glare tennis match.

"Right, what is it?" Haymitch barks up, quietening the silence.

"What's 'What'?" Peeta says, apparently he is the only one of us who can talk at the moment. It might be awkward, but this silence is much more comfortable than the yelling matches myself and Johanna have been finding ourselves in.

"This approachable atmosphere you're all giving off!" he says, voice lined with sarcasm.

"There's nothing wrong." I say.

"I think we established a while back that you're a terrible liar sweetheart."

I sit there, unable to argue that point, it is true. Not one of use seems to be able to have a conversation without ending up yelling. The only time we have all worked together was in a near death experience, so right now our chances of talking seem pretty slim.

"You missy," Haymitch points his finger at Johanna, "Look like you're reading to blow an engine, what's got you so pissed off?"

"Ask her!" She nods in my direction, I'm ready to fight back, the words are on the tip of my tongue but Haymitch gives me a look that says 'don't poke the bear.' So I remain silent and let Haymitch finish his speech that is making me feel like a school child being told off by the teacher for speaking out of turn.

"And for Gods sake Katniss, you're almost as bad as Finnick over here, don't be so god damn miserable! We are all struggling, I mean look at me! This glass is full of water. Boring tasteless water!"

"Real shame that is."

"Don't get sarcastic with me sweetheart, you've all got things to work on, including myself! You need to actual try to get on with people and stop sulking, Coin is in charge here and we can't change that fact. You Finnick need to cheer up, we will get Annie back. But we won't try to do it until you start being the cocky boy I know from the Capitol. And you Johanna, just try not to be yourself for a change. You scare people off so they won't want to be on our side when it comes down to choosing."

We all stare at each, wondering if Haymitch is being serious or not. But, from the look on his face I don't try to question him.

"It starts now kids, so i'd cheer up." I hold my breathe expecting an outburst from Finnick, I know it would be how I would react. But I guess some people are just born with a more level head. Looking up at us he puts on the biggest fake smile you've ever seen.

"Okay, but what is lover boy's deal?" Normally I would get annoyed at someone saying that to Peeta, just like I get annoyed when someone calls me the Capitol's sweetheart. But just to have Finnick actually contributing to the conversation, trying to be his funny self stops me.

"Well," says Haymitch, "I think Mr Mellark here is pretty damn perfect, he is our role model and we should all look up to him for the greater good." If it weren't for his dry tone I'd have thought Haymitch was some sort of groupie.

"Seriously though just stay the same."

"I agree, you're quite the perfect one Lover boy" Johanna says this seductively and I watch disgustedly as her fingers crawl teasingly up his arm. I think I'd be less angry at her for it if she actually meant it, but I know she only does it to piss me off, and it works.

"I think that" Finnick indicates Johanna's hands, "isn't being nicer." he stares, like a teacher does at a naughty school child, waiting for Johanna to remove her hands from Peeta.

"Oh but Finnick, I'm just giving him a compliment, he is very perfect you know. Maybe even more perfect than you!"

"Don't be stupid Johanna!" Finnick says, joining in on Johanna's banter.

"Well, why are you wearing a top then huh? We all know it's because your embarrassed that Peeta's better than you. I mean this might just be the first time we have ever seen you in a shirt!"

"I think you might just be right." Haymitch says, a smirk pulling at his mouth as he lifts his glass of water as if it were a beer.

I watch in amusement as Peeta starts to turn red and Finnick gets more and more defensive and I can't help but join in. I try, as promised to be less miserable.

"It's okay to be embarrassed Finnick."

"I'm not trust me." He gives me a wink, normally this would make me want to be sick, but I just find it funny. Peeta looks both outraged and in pain from holding back a laugh.

"Well, if you say you're not embarrassed. Take off your shirt."

"Oh no, I can't do that, it would make everyone too distracted and no one would ever get to work. Unless, you take it off for me Girl on Fire."

Inside, that nickname strikes a chord, that's what Cinna used to call me. But I push down the feelings of loss and longing for my friend. I will deal with them another time, a more appropriate time, for now I just need to focus on what is happening right now. And that is teasing Finnick.

"In your dreams Finnick!"

"Nope, sorry! Your not good enough for my dreams." He shrugs his shoulders in mock sympathy.

"That's right it's Peeta that does it in your dreams, isn't it" I snort at Johanna's words, a very unattractive noise, but one that sets Finnick off.

"Oh Peeta, please, Peeta take my clothes off, it's all I can think about." I say in my most overdramatic voice between laughs. By this time both Finnick and I are gasping for breathe and Peeta has gone a bright red. Johanna, despite our distrust for one another, I find to be smiling at my words and I feel a faint glint of hope that we just might be able to get on. Perhaps not on our own, but in the group we could all maybe work together.

"PLEASE CAN YOU ALL BRING YOUR ATTENTION TO THE CLOSEST NEWS SCREEN TO YOU." a voice rings out through the speakers in the canteen and everyone quietens. I can hear people muttering, whispering in curiosity.

"What's going on?" I lean over the table to ask Finnick.

"Whenever they have made a decision that effects people or they have new information or news or just a reminder they broadcast it on the screens at dinner around 7."

It is then that I notice on every wall in the canteen there is a giant screen with wires dangling down and vanishing in holes in the wall. Much different to the devices that we used to watch the Games on back in 12.

"Why now then?"

"I have no idea."

I worry, why would they broadcast a message at the wrong time, is there something wrong? Are we being attacked? Is some part of the underground tunnels collapsing? All these panicked thoughts fill my brain, whizzing around like planes. I look over at Peeta, then Haymitch. Both their faces are covered with the same confusion as mine.

The Tv screens start to crackle and come into focus, it is simply just Coin standing smart in front of a white background. The quite mutterings of everyone in the Canteen slowly dies and a silent stiffness leaps onto us one by one.

"As you may all know." Coin starts to speak, the image of her coming in and out of focus, but her words remain strong and clear.

"The recently rescued Victors of the Hunger Games have had the time to recover, as you are all aware the war is getting more and more deadly by the day. We can waste no time. I am standing here, fighting for our better future. I, as are many noble members of district 13 are putting _their_ lives out there to help make _your_ families safe."

She pauses for dramtic effect that I find all leaders seem to do. It just gets on my nerves.

"Now many of these soliders do not know how to fight properly, they have never had actual experience. The Victors however have. They have fought to the death and survived But they did that for themselves. They won and received riches that we can not comprehend. And they didn't try to help anyone with their winnings. They spent their time in the Captiol, rolling in the riches that we made for them. And we suffered for it. "

I can see the anger rising in Johanna's face and I can feel it in my own. How dare she!

"So, do you not think it fair that they should fight for us."

I scan the room, looking at who is left in the canteen I see a few people nod their heads in agreement.

"Well, now is the time to fight, and it gives me the greatest pleasure to say that the Victors of the Hunger Games are personally going to the districts to save our friends. They will be on the front lines, they are our hope. They are our Mockingjays. And the missions start tomorrow."

I am gobsmacked, she has gone behind our backs and made it public knowledge that we will be fighting now, when we aren't even fully recovered and have not given our permission. So we now can't back out. And she has made it out that we have had it easy and never tried to help others.

"Thank you for you time, please go about your daily timetables. There will be the regular updates at dinner tonight."

As she finishes her sentence I can see the faces of Haymitch, Peeta, Finnick and Johanna all looking mad. Their hands shaking from annoyance, though I think Haymitch's is more due to alcohol withdrawal. As the screen crackles and goes black Johanna voices my exact thoughts into the still quiet room.

"THAT BITCH" And Johanna runs off. I know where to. We all do, leaving our breakfasts strewn across the table, we all head for Coin's office.

 **There it is, Coin has done something without their permission! What do you think will happen? I really want to turn the Victors into a close knit group so things between them won't be as mean (Katniss and Johanna).**

 **I hope you liked it, again a BIG thank you to Wingsongspringheart for beta-ing this!**

 **Chapter teaser:**

 **For those of you who like the POV change the next will be Gale POV: _Why is Gale acting so mean? Find out part of the reason why and how he feels about the way he acted._**

 **And for those who aren't as keen on the POV changes the next chapter will be: _Coin confrontation from all the victors and Haymitch. And a run in with Gale._ **


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys, Thanks a bunch for all the reviews it's amazing! This chapter is the Gale POV and hopefully you can understand some of his anger towards Katniss. However I do understand that it doesn't fully justify him but I am writing him slightly different to the books as I feel for my story it adds more to the plot.**

 **I hope you can understand this and if I ever write another Hunger Games fanfiction I'll make sure to keep Gale as close to the book as possible!**

 **Pearlfever: She was! she might not be in this chapter though! Hope you like this chapter am trying to get them out as soon as possible :)**

 **Ex2see: Thank you, here you go, being as quick as I can :)**

 **lhaine07: Thank you! and that's exactly where I would like to go with the Victors, I really want to bring them close and make them a tightly knit group. And I can also completely understand where you are coming for and though thi chapter barely justifies his actions it will hopefully give you some insight as to why he is acting the way he is. And personally I just want to write an angered Gale, I feel it just adds something to this story. I hope you like this chapter!**

 **Guest: I will be don't worry! I have all the chapters planned. I haven't written them though, I write the next one as soon as I can but when I go back to college updates could be slower, but that isn't for 3-4 weeks yet, so there will be lots more to come quickly! I hope you like this chapter, I'm glad you like it!**

 **Guest: Wow Thank you! I'm so glad you like it and you think that, the will be many war scenes in the coming chapters as it will effect the storyline very much! I hope you like this story just as much :)**

 **Kien Ton: Yay! Hope you like it, and thank you for continually reviewing my story, it is great!**

 **Kassioppe: There will be much more teasing to come don't worry! Lets just put her lack of teasing due to it being so early in the morning, Johanna hasn't woken up enough yet, she has got her teasing cogs turning :) The confrontation with Coin is to come in the next chapter, and it won't just be Katniss blowing up her office!**

 **HGgirlonfire74: Thank you so much! I hope you like this one just as much!**

 **Guest: oh my! Hope you like this chapter just as much and is worth 4 reads! :)**

 **ANYWAYYYYY, so this chapter is basically Gale's POV of the last chapter 'Breakfast'. And I'm sorry that it has taken a** **while to get out (I feels if I am saying this abut every chapter recently, sorry!) but it just turned out being a lot longer than I thought, that sin't a bad thing though, right?**

 **Hope you like it and could please drop a review, would love to know what you think of the different POV's and what you find out Gale has heard in this chapter! :)**

"They seem nice from what I saw of them yesterday." I listen to Boggs and Plutarch as they talk about yesterday's meeting with Coin. I try to zone out the conversation, not really wanting to think about it. I don't want to think of Peeta and Katniss. Not now. Not when I can't think straight around them. Every time I think about them I think about what I said to Katniss and the hateful words I called her.

My wondering thoughts come to a stand-still as Plutarch starts talking.

"They are. Peeta's a lot easier to get along with. Katniss is quite feisty though. Haven't seen her make one true friend in the Capitol in all the times she visited! She stuck to Peeta like glue in there."

"Can you blame her though? The Capitol's a daunting place for someone from such a low district." Boggs adds. I just sit there nodding, glumly eating my breakfast, trying to not get involved in this conversation. Trying not to think about Katniss 'glued' to Peeta.

"Gale, how you ever got her trust is beyond me! She's got some tough walls to break. You're lucky you are so close. Wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of her."

And though my response is to agree, saying 'I know', my head is reeling with the truth. Listening to my thoughts is like being forced to read a book in school that you don't want to read. But I have to.

It's true that me and Catnip are close. But I'm starting to think it isn't so anymore. Ever since the Games, ever since Peeta, we haven't been as close. She has kept things from me. Not told me about anything about the Capitol. So I can't help her!

How can she expect me to help her if she won't tell me what's wrong? Why won't she tell me? What have I done wrong!? She tells me that everything is fine, but doesn't she know that we have been friends long enough for me to notice that something isn't right?

At this I instantly think of when I kissed her, when I confessed my feelings that I had been hiding for so long. I should have admitted them long ago. Maybe then we would be together. Maybe then she would tell me things instead of Mellark. I don't get why she tells him so much, he doesn't get her the way I do. We have been friends for so long, a bond that I thought couldn't be broken. Every morning going into the woods, working in perfect harmony not even having to say anything to know what the other one wanted.

It's a lot different now, it feels too different when I think about yesterday. The fit she had in Coin's meeting. At first I thought she was just angry, like she always seems to be with me nowadays, so I wasn't bothered. Then it continued and for a second the thought that it was an act just to get out of there crossed my mind. Just like how she acts with Peeta, how she acts in the Capitol. Do the endless arguments she had about the disgusting way people act in the Capitol just leave her brain? Did she just forget what a vile place it is?

I don't understand why she acts the way she does, and that's what makes me angry. But when I see her, when I see that she is okay, I don't feel as angry. But I never see her without Mellark, and so I never am not angry. She clings to him like a lost child. That isn't the Katniss I know. It's the Katniss that I associate with the Capitol. And I don't like it.

When she first came home I thought the strange behavior would stay in the Capitol, but it didn't. Now, as much as I hate to admit it, I feel as if I don't understand her anymore. We don't work in perfect harmony anymore. Yesterday I didn't know what would make her feel better, but Bread Boy did, and I can't stand it.

"Do you guys think it's a bit harsh not to warn them in advance, after everything they've been through?" Boggs asks. He is referring to Coin's announcement which is going to be broadcast across 13 in a few minutes. She is announcing the help of all the Victors.

"They are used to not knowing till the last minute, they'll be fine." Plutarch says.

I can only hope he is right. I know Katniss. I know that she would want to fight, that she would want to help everyone else. She has always wanted that, a better life. But now that she has changed, I wonder if I'm wrong. What if everything she is telling Coin about not being ready is true? Does she even want to bring the Capitol down now? Or has she become attached to it? I don't know this new Katniss and I don't know what to think.

"You reckon we should tell them?" I voice.

"I would. I don't think it's fair to chuck them in the deep end like that." I can't help but agree with Boggs' argument. "They never actually said they wouldn't do it, they just need time to heal. Wouldn't you? I mean, none of us have been in the Hunger Games, let alone two of them."

"If you think this so much, why don't you go and tell them?" Plutarch for all his laid back ways seems annoyed.

He, unlike Boggs, has less of a caring nature. Born and raised in the Capitol, I found it hard to trust him at first, but I soon found that our ideals matched. We want the Capitol destroyed and every last person in there who laughs about all the Districts' pain gone. All they do is take our labor and food and eat it.

I can't stand the Capitol. One of the reasons I hate Peeta so much is due to how he easy he fell into step with the Capitol. It appeared that he enjoyed the TV chat's with Caesar Flickerman. And the way he betrayed Katniss at the beginning by siding with the Careers, I don't know if I can ever forgive him for that. I don't care if he was doing it to save her. He should have never left her on her own in the first place. If she really cared about her so much, he would have risked his life to protect her. Like I would have. Not get cut in the leg and crawl up in a ball to die.

I zone back in on the conversation, my angered thoughts having distracted me once more.

"I don't think I should, they probably won't listen. Like you said, Katniss doesn't trust easy. She probably wouldn't believe me. It's not like it's very important anyway."

"Exactly." Plutarch says.

Plutarch, his angered exterior deteriorating, continues to eat his food and the topic seems to have been forgotten.

I watch as Katniss walks into the room, and as always, she and Peeta are holding hands. I have to admit her 'acting' is getting better. She no longer looks repulsed by having to be in such close quarters with Peeta, and if anything, she seems to want to hold his hand.

No that's ridiculous, I think, not allowing myself to get angry.

Seeing her walk in with Mellark makes me want to get up and talk to her, remind her that we are friends, and remind Peeta that Katniss doesn't belong to him. She isn't his possession, she doesn't want him. Luckily Katniss hasn't seen me yet, so she hasn't noticed me watching her walk in, a look of fear across her face, no doubt hating all the looks people are giving her. Never one to back down though, she strides through the cafeteria with Mellark at her side.

Somewhere by the food I can hear Johanna yelling at someone again. Her voice loud enough to probably reveal our location to anyone talking on the destroyed surface of 13. She is just another person I dislike from the Capitol. I thought she'd be okay at first. She seems to hate the Capitol from her outbursts on TV and in the Games, but it turns out it is just her personality, and I am yet to find anyone or thing that she does like. Not once has she been nice, helped out, or not complained. She is not benefitting, just like the Odair kid.

I didn't like him from the start, willingly selling himself to women of the Capitol. It is no secret in the Districts that he is a ladies' man, and he seemed to fit right in at the Capitol when I saw him on TV. He, however, only ever mopes around all day by Johanna's side. I don't know how he can stand her, but they seem fine together, no doubt being friends in the Capitol and having parties and all sorts of fun together.

He doesn't seem to talk to her, though. She just complains at him about anything, but mostly his solemn attitude. He's the same person I ever saw on the TV. He is miserable and spends his days walking around and sulking. I can't see why he should act this way and the only conclusion I have come to is that he just misses the Capitol.

Katniss and Peeta have slowed down now, they seem engrossed in a deep conversation, and it appears to be annoying Katniss. I would know that look anywhere, having been subjected to it most days back in 12. If I ever stepped on a twig and it snapped, scaring off the food we were hunting, it'd annoy her and I'd get that look. If anyone would refuse her trade, that would annoy her and she'd get that look. Even if someone would just try and make conversation with her, that look is what would place itself on her face.

Looking at them, I can't help but be slightly happy that they seem annoyed at each other. It just proves that it is an act, just like I would like to think that it is.

They continue, though and they go and get their food. Katniss, having finally spotted me, gives me a cold look and I am the first to cave. Her look is too intense. I look away and go back to mindlessly munching on my breakfast.

An urge suddenly overcomes me to go and speak to her, but with our recent argument ,I don't know what to say. I don't want to say something wrong and push her away even more. I want to fix what I said. I want her to tell me everything so I can help her. I need to help her. She needs the help. The road she is going down isn't good, if anything I heard from the Mellark brothers is to go by.

I shudder, trying to remove that memory from my brain, but sadly it's something I don't think I'll ever be able to shake.

Boggs and Plutarch are chatting about bits of nothing and plans and jobs they have to do in the day when I interrupt. I know what I can do to go and talk to Katniss, to go and take Peeta's place.

"I'll go tell her."

"What?"

"I'll go warn her, just to be on the safe side."

"If you want to." Plutarch seems annoyed at the idea, but as it's the only way I can think to get back into her good graces, I really don't care.

I get up, leaving my breakfast half finished on the table and head to where Katniss is now sitting. Sadly she is at a table with all of them, but I don't care. I am going to go and talk to her, and hopefully it will make things between us okay again.

As I approach her table, I can hear them all chatting away, and I instantly feel like I am imposing so I slow my walk down. I listen to what they are saying, not managing to catch the first bit. But I do hear what Johanna says and it stops me in my tracks.

 **"That's right. It's Peeta that does it in your dreams, isn't it?"** A feeling of dread washes over me. I don't know who that was directed at, but I'm praying that it wasn't Katniss.

Katniss, though is the next to speak, and I was right.

 **"Oh Peeta, please, Peeta take my clothes off. It's all I can think about."**

I no longer care about talking to her and just like that I don't want to see her. I don't want to be near her. Not someone like that. I was going to give the Mellark's the benefit of the doubt. I really wanted to. I wanted them to be lying. I didn't want it to be true. But it is.

Katniss said it herself. I was right when I called her a whore because she is one.

I turn around hot on my heels. I don't warn them about the announcement. They can find out for themselves. I walk straight past where I was sitting with Boggs and Plutarch and I don't look back. All I can see are Peeta and Katniss. All the times they kissed on TV, every touch, is all I can think about, and I can't shake off the memory. It is coming at me hard and fast and I'm not ready for it, but when it gets to me it is as clear as they day I saw them. As I half walk and run out of the canteen in an angered state, my mind drifts back to one night during the 75th hunger Games.

 _It was late, the daily showing of the Games had been broadcast outside the Justice Building and people were wondering off to their beds. I couldn't, though. It was stupid of me. We had a curfew with the new Peacekeepers around, so I couldn't go out to hunt and to let off some steam._

 _I had just watched Katniss and Peeta sitting on the beach. Peeta, in all his pathetic ways, had said that no one needed him. And though I don't mind him dying for her, because all I care about is getting Katniss back, watching her tell Peeta that she needs him, that she can't live without him made me feel sick. I can't stand that Town Boy, especially now he has his claws so deep in Katniss._

 _Can't she see that he is using her as a way out? Why would he even care about her? Before the first Games, they had never even talked once. Had they ever even met?_

 _It was quite late as I walked around the streets. I didn't have a destination in mind, but I found myself outside of Katniss' old house in the seam. The house I would always go to everyday, without fail, to see her and where we would leave early in the morning to go and hunt._

 _I could still feel my heart pounding, and my brain was too hectic to calm myself down. I had an urge to walk into that house and break something. Destroy some part of the old Katniss, just like Peeta and the Captiol are doing to her._

 _But I hadn't realized how late it really was, and I could hear footsteps and voices talking quietly as they were coming round the corner. I knew that it was the Peacekeepers and that I couldn't get caught again. Last time I got off with a whipping, but this time, without help from Katniss, I doubt I would get off so lightly._

 _So I ran. I didn't know where to, but the town seemed a good place. There would be less Peacekeepers in that part because it isn't expected of 'proper' town people to act against the rules. So that is where I headed for._

 _My feet slammed against the hard ground, each stride hurting more than the last. Today's work in the mines was catching up with me, making me sore and tired, but the desperation to not get caught seemed to keep me out of trouble._

 _Or so I had thought._

 _I make to turn down another street. Now that I'm in the town, I'm not as alert, but from the reflection in the Bakery window, I see two figures dressed in uniform just standing and talking. Luckily they didn't see me and I was quick to crouch back into the street below the window sill._

 _I was there for a few minutes. It wasn't long, but it felt like forever. The guards didn't seem to be going anytime soon. So, remaining alert I made myself a bit more comfortable. As time passed, lights went on and off in the street, voices drifted from windows and down to my unsuspecting ears, making me jump each time._

 _It must have been a good 15 minutes when the light to the window sill I was crouched under came on. I could hear two male voices approaching, most likely coming down the stairs. I tried to make myself as small as possible, making sure to breathe quietly._

 _I only catch the end of a sentence._

 _"Fit, though."_

 _"Yeh. You don't think I know? Have you seen her?' The two voices sound fairly young, probably around my age and with it being the bakers, I can only think that it is Peeta's brothers up for a late night snack._

 _I remain quite, listening to their conversation._

 _"She's nice though, despite what mom says."_

 _I wonder who they are on about. Having nothing else to do but listen, I wonder what this person has done to warrant a bad judgment by their mom._

 _"Peeta doesn't care," as the wind blows past my ears harshly, blocking out their voices and I miss part of the sentence, but I do catch the end. "Seam s***." I can only think that they are referring to Katniss. Who else has Peeta ever talked to or about from the Seam?_

 _And the anger boils inside of me at them calling her that. At saying Peeta doesn't care about her. The they have the nerve to say she looks fit!_

 _"I've been to their house once. You remember the night I had to stay because of the storm? I stayed in the guest room, it was a few rooms away from where they slept. But I still heard them. She screamed his name so much, its horrible to listen to."_

 _I don't bother listening to the rest, I feel sick. They can't be on about Katniss, can they? She wouldn't ever do such a thing. Would she? She doesn't want kids. She doesn't want a family. She told me it was too dangerous. But the words of the Mellark brothers are clear in my head. Why would they lie? They don't know I'm here, so they have no reason to lie._

 _I needed to go, before I exploded. I felt as if they would hear me, my angered breathing coming loud and sharp and my heart pounding. In a way I wanted them to find me. I wanted them to come outside so I could beat the crap out of them and Peeta for everything they've said about Katniss._

 _It can't be true can it? I've never been to the Victors Village, but I've heard the rumors around town about them sharing a bed._

 _My heart felt as loud as a drum to me as I got up from my crouched position minutes later, but they didn't hear me. No one heard me as I walked back home that night. No one heard about that night. No one knows what I heard. Katniss doesn't realize what I know. She doesn't realize why I'm so annoyed._

I'm annoyed because she has lost all respect for herself. She has given into Mellark and isn't being quiet about it. She is exactly what I called her, it probably won't be long until the other Mellark brothers see it and not just hear it.

So I'm mad at Katniss, Peeta, the whole bunch. But, I still care about her which is the only reason for me wanting to fix what I did. But I won't tell her what I heard that night. Because if she is going to keep secrets, then so will I.

I look up, realizing that I don't know where I am exactly. In my anger, I have been aimlessly wondering around. I scan the corridor for any indication to where I might be, but as with every room in this underground jail, it is just plain grey. I cannot wait until we get out of here and I can have fresh air again.

I can hear fast paced footsteps coming my way. Thank God, I can get out of here and find my way back to the canteen and start my day jobs and try and forget about Katniss for a bit. I walk towards the oncoming footsteps and I can hear them as they round the corner. There seems to be a lot. I wonder what it is?

My question is answered as the first person makes their entrance.

"Bitch! I'm gonna kill her!" Johanna is coming at me full speed, uttering death threats between each labored breath she takes.

"Johanna, calm down. You can't actually kill her." It's Finnick. He is next to round the corner, saying his words so clearly, no where near as out of breath as Johanna.

I can hear the next few people coming around the corner, and I have an idea as to who it is, but I don't see them as Johanna comes flying at me. Her body collides with mine and with both fall to the floor in a big heap.

"Move out the bloody way!" She yells down my ear.

"Johanna, you ran into him!" I hear Katniss say. I would recognize her voice anywhere.

"Shut up, Princess. I'm not in the mood."

"I don't care. Calm down and get off of him." I don't think Katniss has realized that it is me under Johanna yet, and in some ways, I wish Johanna would stay where she is so Katniss wouldn't know. I'm still too angered by my memories to face her right now.

"Come on, Johanna. Get off the poor sod!" The voice sounds grumpy and is by far the worst affected by all this running, his breathing coming short and sharp.

"Shut up, Haymitch!" Johanna yells again.

"Come on," I know that voice. It's Peeta's and I can instantly feel my blood begin to boil. I grunt as Johanna twists herself off of me, her elbow digging into my side.

"God, be careful!" It's Katniss again. "Sorry about her, she-" Johanna is finally off of me and as I look up I stare into the face of Katniss. The hand she was holding out to help me up is withdrawn and she stares at me, no longer caring that I am on the floor.

"Gale."

 *****So for all of you wondering what the Mellark brother's were on about, here is their actual conversation if Gale had heard all of it properly.*****

"I've heard she has fits, though"

"Yeh. You don't think I know? Have you seen her? She always looks exhausted, scared, like she can't get much sleep." They make there way into the room searching for a late snack.

"She's nice though, despite what mom says."

"Peeta doesn't care what mom says. He likes her."

"Yup. He's head over heels for that 'Seam Slut'." They chuckle at their rubbish versions of imitating their mother. A woman they call their mother, but do not love as one.

"I've been at their house once. You remember the night I had to stay because of the storm? I stayed in the guest room, it was a few rooms away from where they slept. But I still heard them. She screamed his name so much, its horrible to listen to. Prim couldn't get them to stop until they both woke themselves up from their nightmares because they were thrashing about so much. The next morning they looked like crap. Peeta had a scratch on his face from where Katniss had caught it in her sleep."

"God, I feel bad for them! You want a cheese roll?"

"Yeh." Snacks in hand the two brothers left the room and headed back upstairs, unable to comprehend the trauma that Peeta and Katniss are suffering.

 **There you have it! Gale's reason for why he is acting the way he is? What do you all think about it! Do you think it is all Gale's fault or is it really the Mellark brothers?**

 **Next chapter we are back in Katniss POV and there is going to be a run in with Gale! and also the start of the confrontation with Coin!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys, so thank you so much for all the reviews of the previous chapter, I know it wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but hopefully you will all like this one!**

 **A bit of everything in this chapter, everlark defending each other, angry Gale, and the victors working as a team, I hope you enjoy it and could please give us a review and just thank you sooooooo much to everyone that is reviewing, just telling me your thoughts on the story is great to read!**

 **I feel as if I haven't said this in a while so, disclaimer, characters are not my own! And a massive thank you to Windsongspringheart for beta-ing this!**

 **And I will reply to comments in the next chapter as I'm desperate to this up as quick as possible, but I really do appreciate the reviews so much and thank you to everyone for them, I'm sorry it has taken so long to update and I'm glad that you are all enjoying it!**

 **Also my updates may come out a bit slower now as I am back to college, but I won't stop writing don't** **worry!**

"Katniss." I stare at him, unsure how to react. I feel stupid. This is Gale, my best friend since childhood. My only friend since childhood and I don't have any idea as to what to say to him. I have nothing I want to tell him, I realize.

"Watch where you're going next time!" He says, directing it at Johanna, but his eyes don't stop staring at me. They feel cold, and with each look I feel like he is judging me that little bit more.

"You were standing in the middle of the freakin' pathway, freak!" Johanna, in all the fluster, has turned a very angry shade of red.

"Well, if you weren't running around like an idiot then you might have actually seen me."

"Yeah, whatever freak. I don't actually care. I have things to do." Johanna's words are harsh. To me they seem more so than normal, but I am not surprised, I know that I too am really angry, and standing here facing Gale is making me angrier. I need to go and get to Coin before I yell at the wrong person.

My thoughts rage a war inside my head, do I stay and talk to Gale and let the others go on? Or do I go with them and sort this problem between myself and Gale later?

In the corner of my eye I can see Johanna, on the balls of her feet ready to run off, but like the rest of us, wouldn't dare cross Coin on her own. One person Coin can easily ignore and have dealt with. She can force just one of us to do what we don't want because one of us isn't a threat. But together, all five of us, we are a threat. If we all want something from her, we will get it. Because we have all beaten the odds. Survived the Games, we got out of the Games as a team. So if us being all together isn't a threat, then I don't know what is.

I have decided. Gale can wait.

Obviously though I have been taking my time, and Johanna isn't pleased.

"Well are we going to stand here all day or actually go and sort Coin out?"

"You should probably go, she'll want to talk about the details with you."

I stare at Gale unbelievingly. is that all he has to say to me?! I know now isn't the best time to sort out our problems, but he could just be half decent enough to say sorry for now and we can sort it out later. But I know that isn't Gale. Gale is hot tempered and is always the last to apologize in my experience.

I know that to stay and yell at him for having the audacity to say nothing will only cause to rip our friendship apart even more, and that isn't something I want. I know that some people don't see why I want to fix our friendship, but they didn't know how long we have been friends, how much we have helped each other through when we were starving, on the brink of death. So when I watched him leave the canteen earlier, I was upset. I thought he might talk to us.

Something is nagging at me in my head. I can't put my finger on it but then-

"You knew!" I say in shock, figuring out what was nagging at me. When Gale had left the canteen, I had wanted to talk to him. When he had left the canteen the message from Coin hadn't been played. So if he has been wondering the halls since he left, he has had no way of seeing the message. So how does he know, other than the chance that he already knew, and didn't tell me.

"Yes I did." He says this softly, almost apologetically.

"And you didn't think to warn me? Did you not think I'd want a say in what I do with my life, Gale?"

"I was going to warn you, but you stopped me from doing it. You've only got yourself to blame." The softness to his voice vanishes.

"What have I done Gale? What have I done to you to make you hate me so much? When I left for the Games you kissed me and told me that you didn't want me to go, and now I get back and you ignore me and call me a w***. What have I done?"

"It doesn't matter." He says quieter than his last sentence and it only fuels the fire that is raging in me.

"YES IT BLOODY WELL DOES. I WANT MY FRIEND BACK!" I scream into the corridor. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone back in the canteen heard me.

"WELL YOU MIGHT HAVE SOME TROUBLE WITH THAT!"

"Guys, I think you both need to turn it down a notch-" Haymitch tries to say, but I'm too pissed off to listen to him right now. So I don't hear the end of the sentence that he mutters to no one.

"Don't you care about me anymore? Is that what it is? Is it because I told you I didn't like you like that?"

"I do, but no, that's not it." He says, but the way he glances at Peeta as he says it shows me that it is part of the reason he can't take the rejection, and moreover, he can't deal with who I chose over him. But then I never felt like there was a choice. I have never liked Gale like that.

"Well what the hell is it Hawthorne?"

"I've already told you."

"NO YOU HAVEN'T!"

"Katniss," I hear Peeta's voice from behind me, and I can feel him shift closer towards me. But as with Haymitch, right now I can't listen to him.

"Gale, if you don't want to be friends just tell me. Don't call me names and ignore me, it's childish and pathetic."

"Oh, and your not pathetic?"

"Watch it kid." Haymitch says threateningly, and I feel a small sense of appreciation towards Haymitch.

"NO! I'm not! Why don't you tell me why I am?"

"CHILDREN, WE DON'T HAVE TIME. COME ON. YOU CAN WORRY ABOUT YOUR LITTLE SQUABBLE LATER!" Johanna yells, eager to go find Coin. I go to tell Johanna to be quiet, in not such nice terms, but Gale beats me to it.

"Shut up nut case! This isn't about you, just go and-"

"Do not talk to her like that Gale." Finnick says warningly, stepping forward as if to assert his authority. If it weren't for me being on his side I'd feel threatened. The anger displayed on his face right now, to most would seem questionable. Why would he want to protect someone that is mean to others and doesn't seem to care. But they are closer than you'd think, they've withstood Capitol life for years together, and are still standing. To watch each other fall would be like watching yourself crumble.

"I'll talk to her how I want, it isn't her business so she needs to shut up."

I look back and forth between Finnick and Gale. Finnick's eyes are glistening with anger, an anger I last saw in the Games and I mentally cower in fear.

"Gale, don't talk to her like that she hasn't done anything to you. Just calm down and we will talk later."

Gale's attention snaps back to me at my words.

"Why? Why can't we do this now? You seem to be enjoying yelling at me! And that's part of the problem Katniss, YOU aren't doing anything!"

"You think I'm enjoying this!? Enjoying yelling at my supposed best friend?"

"Gale, Katniss is right. You both need to calm down and sort this out later. Now isn't the time, no matter what you've done." I listen to Peeta's words, who despite his earlier hate for Gale and his annoyance at Coin, is appearing to remain calm.

"Oh sorry Mellark, now you've said it I must do as you say. Isn't that what you do Katniss?"

I'm confused at Gale's statement and any reply I was about to form is trampled on as Peeta speaks up.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Don't pretend like you don't know. She comes to your every beck and call. You don't think I've seen that she's changed ever since she started hanging about with you. Never have I ever seen her throw herself on someone as if she was a piece of trash! And I have never seen her stay away from a fight. You've killed the Katniss I knew, and turned her into some town slut. Weak."

"Don't talk about her like that!" Peeta is pissed. I can tell, I can see his jaw clenching and the arms in his muscles flexing in my defense. "Of course she has changed. She was in the bloody Games. Did you not expect her to change? And she can defend herself. She doesn't need me protecting her every second of the day."

"Obviously, or you'd have died in the games and YES I knew she would change, but not into this slut!"

I have no idea what Gale is on about, what he thinks we have done. Unless...no he couldn't know. Snow never actually did it. No one knows. I shake the stupid notion from my mind.

Forgetting that we are with others, I jump slightly when I hear Johanna laugh sarcastically from where she is stood.

"You think they've done something. Have you seen them around each other? They blush when they hold hands. I don't think Peeta is getting into her bed any time soon."

The comment, though irritating is welcomed and I mentally thank Johanna for it.

"Gale, we are going to see Coin. Just leave it alone. I don't know what you're talking about, but we can talk about it later."

"No. I don't want to talk to you later"

"Well what am I supposed to do, Gale? Do you not what to be friends with me anymore?"

He doesn't reply. His silence is more painful than any words.

"Fine." I say, I project an exterior of control and no emotion, but inside I am crumbling. I am losing, if not already lost, my best friend. And Snow didn't even take him away from me this time. It was my fault.

I give Gale one last look and walk past him. not looking back. A feeling of grief washes over me.

"Katniss." It's Gale, he has turned around and has grabbed my arm. his fingers hard and cold on me I try to shake him off, but he doesn't let go.

"Gale, let go."

"No, please listen. We can talk about it later." I listen to his words, and inside I feel a sense of hope, but in comparison to the pain his grip is causing, it is small.

"Let go, Gale."

"Please Katniss, I just-"

"Let go."

But he still hasn't released me, and with each second that passes without an answer from me, his grip tightens. I can feel a bruise waiting to form in the place of his fingers.

"Gale-" But he doesn't let go. My heart starts to quicken, he won't let go, and his grip is so tight that it frightens me. I start to become fearful. I don't want to. Why should I? It's Gale. He wouldn't do this, but I don't know him anymore, so I don't know if he would. He is as much stranger to me as Boggs. And his painful grip is causing me to panic.

I bring my free arm up, wrapping my hand around his, trying to peel off his fingers. But they are firmly attach, going red in color.

"Gale." My voice isn't as strong anymore, it is laced with hints of fear.

I change my efforts to his chest, I use my free hand to push past his chest, managing to get in the occasional hit.

"Gale!" I start to plead. But he just looks in my eyes, as if transfixed, waiting for an answer that I can't give.

"Gale, let go right now." It is Peeta. His voice is low and menacing. Hearing it sends a chill up my spine, but also makes me realize how inappropriate Gale is being. Peeta has never spoken like this, not unless he is referring to Snow, and just to hear him speak in this deadly tone frightens me because it takes a lot to make Peeta sound like this.

Gale's eyes flash from my panic stricken face to Peeta's. I know when his eyes meet Peeta's because his grips gets even tighter. I don't think that my arm can cope much more with the blood flow being restricted for so long.

"Let go."

"I'd do as he says." Haymitch says, his voice also laden with anger, and also concern. I think.

"Answer me then!" Gale shouts in my face.

"I can't, Gale. Please let go. It's hurting. I don't know I-"

"It's a simple question. ANSWER! Will you talk to me later? Alone?" I want to say yes, I feel as if I should, but deep down, I don't want it. Not now, and I don't know if ever.

"No."

"WHAT? WHY? THIS IS STUPID! DO WHAT YOU WANT! NOT WHAT MELLARK WANTS!"

"I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU! IT ISN'T PEETA'S IDEA! NOW LET GO, YOU'RE HURTING ME!"

But he doesn't release me. His face turns a darker shade of red, annoyance causing him to act out. I want to yelp in pain, his grip unbearable.

I look up at Gale, meeting his eyes, trying to get him to let go, and he does. Because when I look up, I watch Peeta's fist collide with his face and Gale stumble back, releasing me so he can gain his balance.

"WHAT THE HELL BREAD BOY?!"

I watch worriedly as Gale aimlessly throws punches into the air, trying to hit Peeta. When his fist scrapes Peeta, I flinch in pain not wanting him to get hurt.

I stand there frozen, watching as Peeta straddles Gale, pinning him down occasionally and slamming his back into the ground. He doesn't punch him, though. At least he tries not to, and deep down I'm thankful for this. Right now I want nothing more than to have Gale put in his place. But to me, he is still my friend. Or at least I still want him to be, and having Peeta hurt him wouldn't be the friendly thing to do.

But where has his outrageous actions come from?

"Now this is interesting!" Johanna, no longer agitated and ready to leave, has her full attention on Peeta ad Gale.

"How's it feel, Princess? To have guys fighting over you?" She smirks at me and I just shoot her daggers, but it doesn't stop her. "Wish Finnick would join in, now that would be something to watch!"

She laughs, the fake laugh made for the Capitol and I try to ignore her.

"You wish Jo!" Finnick, much to my disappointment, joins in on the banter. However, he has the decency to shoot me an apologetic glance.

"YOU NEVER DO THAT TO HER AGAIN!"

"OH ARE YOU GONNA STOP ME MELLARK!"

I forget about Finnick and Johanna. Peeta and Gale's raised voices proving too much of a distraction.

"YES, IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN I WILL HURT YOU."

"JUST LIKE YOU HURT KATNISS."

"WHAT. ARE. YOU. ON. ABOUT." he takes a breathe each time he spits a word out, the strength required to hold Gale down tiring him out.

I worry for Peeta. His leg, is he even fully recovered? He shouldn't have to do this. Gale shouldn't be doing this.

"DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW MELLARK! I HEARD YOUR BROTHERS! SHE 'SCREAMED IN PAIN' YOU MAKE ME SICK!"

For a second, Peeta is distracted by Gale's words. No doubt his mind is reeling, trying to figure out what his brothers were on about, but it is just that second of distraction that Gale needs to regain control. He knees Peeta in the back and pushes him off of him. They roll and Gale ends on top, Peeta's distraction causing him to lose his advantage.

"Oh you remember now don't you!" Gale spits in Peeta's face and I feel my insides turn as Gale pulls up his fist and it makes contact with Peeta's face, and Peeta's head makes contact with the concrete floor below him.

 **Dun Dun Dunnnnn...So what's goning to happen?**

 **Chapter teaser: Talking to Coin.**

 **Again thank you so much for the reviews! and I'll post the next chapter as soon as possible :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey Guys, hope you liked the last chapter, thank you again for the reviews, I will be replying to the chapter reviews I have not replied to here, and will reply to the previous chapter comments at the end of this chapter.**

 **Reviews fro Chapter 13:**

 **kamjam: Thank you! Hope you like this chapter :)**

 **lhaine07: A only one brother survived the bombing of District 12 they won't all be able to redeem themselves, but hopefully you will come to see that they didn't do it intentionally, and I will explore the other brother and Peeta's relationship with him now that their family is dead. Would a Oeeta ov chapter perhaps suit for this? And thank you very much for all of your reviews they are great to read!**

 **Guest: Thank you very much :) so glad your okay with the way I am portraying certain characters, and I'm so glad you are enjoying the story, thank you so much for the review!**

 **Ex2see: who doesn't love Everlark? At the moment I feel like we haven't had much Everlark, but there is some coming soon :) Thank you for all of your reviews!**

 **Kimbaleena2002: At first I wasn't going to write him that way, but it has just kind of happened, and I hope that it is okay. Hopefully it makes the story more interesting :) and thank you very much for the review!**

 **Pearlfever: Thank you for the review, I'm glad you are enjoying this fanfic, I am trying to update asap, but with going back to college and having work at the moment it is taking that little extra time to update, I hope you still keep reading though as your reviews are brilliant!**

 **Guest: Thank you for the review and your opinion, I honestly don't mind if POV changes aren't your thing, I want to write what people will enjoy and I can't do that without an opinion so thank you! However there won't be another Gale POV I don't think, it was just so people could kind of see where he was coming from, I hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

 **kassiope: So glad that you liked the POV change into Gale's head, sorry it's ben taking so long to update, things are just getting a bit busy and I always end up writing more in one chapter than I expect, which is why this still isn't the Coin chapter, sorry! But I PROMISE it is the next one :) Thank you so much for all of your reviews they mean so much!**

 **I cannot believe the response I have been getting for this and I can't thank you all enough!**

 **I know that I said this chapter would be about seeing Coin, but as I began to write this chapter just kind of happened and I wanted to get it out quicker rather than make you wait longer just for a longer chapter, so the next chapter will DEFIATLEY be confronting Coin, but I feel this on was perhaps needed. I was tempted to do a different POV of this but I think the story needs to progress a little bit more first.**

 **Again thank you to Windsongspringheart for Beat-ing this, you guys should really check out her stories she has written two!**

I watch in frozen fear as Peeta's body collapses to the ground with a huge thud. I can't find the will power to move. I am frozen still, and worse of all, I can feel it happening again. I can feel the walls around me closing in and my lungs struggling to grasp at air.

I'm staring at Peeta's still body, but he isn't just still, he is dead. We are no longer in the corridors of District 13. We are in the Hunger Games, and I am staring at Peeta's lifeless body because he walked into that electric shield.

I can feel the cold sweats starting and my body shaking, seeming to rid itself of all common sense. Fear starts to course through my body and I try to push it down. I don't want to have another episode, not in front of every one. So I hold my breath, hoping to stop the labored breathing. But it only seems to worsen it.

Through hazy eyes I watch as Haymitch runs to Gale. My eyes scan past Peeta, but I look away quickly, his crumpled body only seeming to worsen my current state.

"Back off now kid!" Haymitch, despite his earlier complaints of being unfit has made his way to Gale and tackled him, pinning him up against the wall, blocking any incoming punches swiftly.

"GET OFF ME!" Gale yells at him, as he aimlessly throws around punches.

"Listen, never, EVER, do that again-"

Gale tries to interrupt Haymitch, but as soon as he opens his mouth, Haymitch grabs Gale by the cuff of his neck and slams his body into the wall once more, causing Gale to wince in pain.

"Don't interrupt! I don't care what side you're on! Never do that again!"

"Why!?"

"You don't know the half of what's gone on with this bunch, so don't you dare fight against something you don't know anything about. You'll be as bad as Snow. This bunch might not want to hurt you, but I sure as hell don't care. If you go to hurt anyone one of us again, I will hurt you!"

"Cause you, as a drunk pathetic old man, can actually do that. Since when did you start caring about people!?"

Beside me, I swear I hear Johanna growl.

I feel the sting of Gale's words myself. If I wasn't having a breakdown, I would be up there now beating the crap out of him.

I feel movement to my left. Finnick is rushing over to Peeta, who hasn't moved in a few minutes. I feel a wave of nausea swarm over me at this thought.

Crap.

I feel sick. I need to be sick, but I can't. I feel trapped in my body again, suffocating. I feel myself kneel over until I'm on my hands and knees, wheezing.

"Yo, Princess what are you doing?" I only just hear Johanna, but I can't find the breath to reply. "Hey!...Katniss?"

"Guys, something's up with Katniss!" Johanna yells to the others, her attempt to get help futile. They are all preoccupied. Finnick trying to wake Peeta up, just like in the Games...

NO! You are not in the Games right now, Katniss!

'The Games aren't over, sweetheart' Haymitch's words from earlier replay themselves in my head.

I look over at Haymitch. He still has Gale pinned against the wall, occasionally getting in a punch when Gale tries to talk.

"Haymitch," I gasp for air, struggling to form a sentence. I just lift my arms hoping to get his attention. Luckily, amidst all his anger, he looks over me.

"Shit."

"Oh don't act like you care!"

For a moment Haymitch's attention is taken by Gale, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? SHE IS SUPPOESED TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND!"

"Guyssss." Johanna seems almost concerned when she calls out to them.

"Sort it out yourself, Johanna. We are a bit busy. Snap out of it, Sweetheart!" I can't tell if it is Haymitch or Finnick that says it, but either way I cringe. Johanna help me?

But when my breathing continues to be erratic and my palms begin to sweat, I decide not to push away any help.

I can feel Johanna crouch down beside me, a tentative hand placed on my back. It doesn't move she just leaves it there, and grumbles as she tries, but fails, to help me.

"Cut it out girl, there are more important things to worry about." How comforting she can be.

If I could breathe, I'd laugh. I'm not surprised at how bad her comforting skills are.

We just stay there in silence, me gasping for air, sweating and her, awkwardly, sitting beside me.

"GO GALE, AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO PULL YOUR HEAD FROM OUT YOUR ARSE!"

I look up as Haymitch lets go of Gale's collar, and Gale spits in his face.

"When she stops being a shit," he retorts as he leaves.

I see the disgust and anger that flashes across Haymitch's face. He might not care what people think about him, but outright disrespect isn't something he will tolerate. And I can see the conflicted emotions as he decides whether to run after Gale or stay with us.

"Peeta," my words are quiet, but he hears them and I watch as he fights down his pride and goes over to Peeta and to help Finnick.

I look over and notice Peeta stirring from his crumpled state on the floor. Haymitch is now next to him, and together they try to pull Peeta to his feet. His face is slightly bloodied.

The sight of his bruise and battered face drowns me with fear and panic.

Panic.

I can feel the cold sweat still, and my breathing has yet to slow down, which causes me to want to cry. Why is this happening to me? I thought it was only the medication that caused the last panic attack.

And I don't understand why am I getting one now. I've been through worse than a small fight. But nothing is helping, Johanna has stood up and taken a step back, and I can see through my hazed vision that Peeta is limping towards me, Finnick taking his body weight for support.

"Look, lover boy is fine. Nothing to worry about!" Johanna says it to comfort me, but once again she doesn't. Nothing seems to be getting through. I can't reassure myself, and the panic keeps coursing through me, my hair damp from the sweat.

"Kat?" Peeta is looking at me, worry etched all over his face. His bruised and bloodied face, and that's all I can see. I can see his mouth moving, but I can't hear his words. I can feel him when he reaches out to me, and despite his pain, runs a soothing hand across my cheek. But I don't really feel his touch. I continue to panic, and see visions of the Games, walls, covered with Snow's facing getting closer and closer on me. I can't hear the voices of the people around me.

I can't slow my breathing down either.

"How did you stop it last time?" I only just hear Finnick's words.

"Katniss?" Peeta again. I try to look up at him, try to focus on him, slow my breathing down, focus on the fact tat he is fine. But my brain won't function properly, so when Peeta grabs my face with both his hands, dropping to the floor in a kneeling position in front of me, and tells me that it isn't real, that what I'm thinking isn't true, I can't seem to agree with him.

"Katniss, this isn't real. Listen. Stop thinking about it. You're here. You're with me." I can make out his words more now, the loud ringing in my ears now just a soft hum.

"Feel." He takes my sweaty palm in his own warm one and places them over his chest. "I'm fine. Feel that? I'm fine." For a moment, I stare at our clasped hands over his heart until I can focus properly.

I regain control of my breathing, though it takes some time and I look up into his sea blue eyes that are looking at me with such love and worry that I embrace Peeta in front of everyone. I don't feel my usual embarrassment, all I feel is Peeta's body. Pressed against mine. Safe.

I can feel my lungs still grasping for air, but now it is because I'm sobbing.

My chin is resting in the crook of Peeta's shoulder, his arms wrapped securely around me and his hands are rubbing soothing circles in my back. I feel a pool of tears accumulating around my chin, mixed with sweat. Falling from my eyes, accompanied by sobs, muffled by Peeta's shirt.

We stay like this for a minute or two, no one moving or saying anything. Just all of us standing, or kneeling there, consumed by our thoughts. For once I don't feel judged by the witnesses of my breakdown. They been through the same things as I. They know that we all deal with it differently and today, after everything that has happened in such a short span of time, I have caved. Succumbed to the sadness I have pushed down and I feel better for it.

As my sobs turn to small sniffles Peeta leans back from the embrace and places a kiss atop my forehead. I can feel the warmth of his lips. It not only reassures me that he is okay, but that there is still blood flowing through his veins and also that right now we are so close. And I feel the same worry that I felt on the beach, the same place where we kissed. And I feel a strong urge to kiss him right now.

I have to remember that there are people here, that now isn't the right time. But staring at his face, feeling his arms around me it is the only thought that is in my brain.

"You okay now?"

"Yeah, I think so. Thanks." I give Peeta a weak smile, trying to reassure him, but when our eyes meet, I know that he can see that I don't want to talk about it in front of everyone. But I also see the care and devotion in Peeta's eyes. The same look he had on the beach, and the same look he had earlier.

Lust. And I know that if I don't pull away, we will do something that we will regret doing in front of others later.

"You scared me there sweetheart." Haymitch says as untangle myself from Peeta and help him to his feet, one of his rare confessions of caring.

"Yeah, it must just be the medicine again." As I say this even I don't believe my words.

"Katniss," Finnick says, "They could be panic attacks. From your experiences."

I don't say anything. I don't want to admit that something has mentally crippled me. That out of everything I have been through, it is being stuck underground that is ripping me apart.

"I know you don't want to think about it, but after everything you've been through, they could be. I'm not saying you're weak, but maybe you should not overexert yourself. Like leaving Gale and other stressful things out for your life for a bit."

I nod my head at him. I know that he is probably right, but I'm meant to be brave. And knowing that I'm not scares me. How can I protect those I love when I can't even protect myself?

"I guess Snow really has fucked us all up!"

"It would explain why your so crap at comforting me." I say it as a joke, though it wasn't meant to be funny, nor is it. And the harsh reality is that both mine and Johanna's words couldn't be more true. But that's why we are doing this. It is why we are enduring the pain, so other generations can live without it. But for now, all we can do is brush it off, or at least try to. But we need to make sure we don't create another Snow in his place. We need to sort out Coin.

"It's because I don't have anyone to care for. I haven't in a long time." Johanna says this venomously, no doubt thinking of Snow and I instantly feel bad. Just cause she's a bitch to everyone doesn't mean that she doesn't care. For her, it just shows that she has cared too much, and doesn't want to get hurt again. My guilt couldn't be worse.

She must notice this look on my face.

"Don't sweat it, Princess. You've got more to worry about than my feelings." No one says anything at this, the calm collected voice of Johanna's too strange to even comprehend.

"Yeah I do have them!" She says after a few minutes of silence, "Now, shall we all go? We don't have all day!"

"And she's back!" Finnick laughs as the snappy Johanna returns and claps a hand on her back, which she shakes off.

Next to me, as Johanna and Finnick walk off in front of us, I feel Peeta's hand squeeze mine. I hadn't realized that they were still joined, but I don't go to pull mine away.

"Are you okay to go?" He asks me, pulling me a little closer to him so only I can hear him.

"Yeah, I guess I'm going to have to get used to them?"

"What bought it on?"

I debate not telling him the truth and just saying that I felt panicked, but I know he won't believe me. He, like everyone else, can seem to read me like an open book and not telling him is a step in the wrong direction.

"Seeing you not moving on the floor. It reminded me of the Games, and then it started and got worse, I didn't want to look a you because I thought you were dead again. But I couldn't get out of it. I couldn't help you."

"Kat," He once more wraps his arms around me and I could feel myself against him, relishing in that feeling.

"You don't always have to help me, you know. I shouldn't have let what he said distract me, but I did. It's over now. I'm fine."

I nod into his chest, not trusting myself with words for fear that I will start to cry again.

For a moment we stand in silence, his hands running soothing patterns across my back and in my hair and he dots a kiss or two on my head.

"Finnick is right though. I think you just need to have a rest for now to just do what you want. Maybe I can persuade Coin to get me some paper or dough and you, me, and Prim could just spend the day doing nothing or baking?"

I smile. That sounds perfect, but impossible. I need to help around here more. Gale might have been wrong about some of the things he said, but he was right about one of them. I normally would have been helping out much more than I have been, but for now I push the thought aside and release myself from Peeta. Drawing back, I am so tempted to kiss him. It feels so right, but I know that Haymitch is still behind us, he makes sure of that.

"You two are awfully cozy today!" Haymitch pinches me in the side, winking at Peeta as he does. For some reason I start to blush. I don't know what I am blushing about because Haymitch knows what it is like between Peeta and me. Yet somehow, I feel like I am hiding a secret from him.

Maybe I am, I think. I'm falling for Peeta, but to Haymitch I am just keeping up the act. We follow Johanna's footsteps, heading to Coin's office, with me lost in thought.

I'm dragged from my thoughts and Haymitch's teasing comments by a high pitched scream as we round the corner. Hand in hand, Peeta and I are there just in time to see what happens next.

Johanna's calm attitude from a few minutes ago is completely gone. Now she is running through the solid grey doors where we had the meeting yesterday and is heading straight for Coin.

"Shit." Haymitch whispers next to us, as we stand frozen in place, watching as Johanna's hands wrap around Coin's neck and she throttles her against the table.

 **And there we have it! I promise that the next chapter will be the Coin one, it's just sometimes when I sit down to write things go a diferent direction to what I planned!**

 **Also thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter they are great to read, and I would really love it if you could drop us a review on what ou think about the story ect. so far!**

 **Chapter teaser: Coin tells them what they will be doing and Johanna tells her what she thinks of her idea! Will the other victors back Johanna up though?**

 **Reviews for chapter 14:**

 **lhaine07: She will be giving Gale a break from no one, but in such a small place they are bound to run into each other every now and then, thank you so much for the review and I hope you liked this chapter just as much!**

 **Pearlfever: Sorry hahaha you won't like the end of this chapter then hehehe, thank you so much for your review!**

 **Ex2see: Katniss will make it all better don't worry :)**

 **Matainer: I'm sorry, cliff hangers must do the job hehehe here is the next chapter and I hope you like it just as much, thank you so much for your review it makes my day :)**

 **Guest: Maybeeeee... but under what circumstances? hehehe glad you liked it, thank you so much for the review and I hope you like this chapter!**

 **Kien Ton: Don't worry about him too much, Katniss is there to kiss it better :)**

 **kassioppe: Thank you! So happy you like this as much as you do and I am trying to get the chapters out quick and your feedback makes it happen quicker :) I can't wait for your replies just a much as you can't wait for the next chapter, I hope you liked this chapter just as much! :)**

 **Bamboo: WOW thank you! Amazed that you like it so much, Hope this was out quick enough as I am quite busy at the moment, but reviews like yours just encourage me to write quicker! Thank you and I hope you liked this chapter, and it made you jump even higher out your seat :)**

 **Guest: Thank you! It means so much to me and I hope you enjoyed this chapter just as much!**

 **Guest: Wow thank you so much! Trying to get chapters out as quick as possible and I hoped you liked this just a much as I like you review haha :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey Guys, I think every chapter needs a permanent THANK YOU at the start, the reviews are wonderful and I can't thank you enough!**

 **Ex2see: Sometimes it is as if you can read my mind hahaa, Johanna is quite feisty and she will continue to be in this chapter and your guess is very correct :) but don't you think that Finnick might become a bit protective in a brotherly way? So that might happen, but not for a good 20ish chapters! And thanks about backing me up on Johanna, I feel that she never got to fully express herself when stuck in 13, but I'm not sure how far she would have gone so I guess it's just my own spin, and I'm glad you liked it. I hope you like this chapter as well :)**

 **Guest: Thank you ever so much, Hope you like this one too, much more action on Johanna's part :)**

 **KienTon: Johanna is defiantly annoyed in this chapter! Thank you for the review!**

 **Kassioppe: Awww, I feel that it's only fair I reply, I love to read your reviews just as much as you say you enjoy my story they seriously just encourage me so much and if you take the time to review I feel as if I should take the time to reply too. As it gives me opportunities to get new ideas ect. As for Effie, she is currently in hiding due to her lack of make up, I have to admit that I've just kind of forgotten to mention her but she will be in soon I promise, I do love her character so much and how she develops. AS for shipping her with Haymitch, I've never really thought about it to be honest. I defiantly love them as a couple full of banter but I'm not sure as to whether I think they should be together just based on the interactions they have in the books alone. If I were to explore them more and have more 'bonding' moments I'd defiantly consider it, I just love the respect they come to have each other and how they both help each other care about Katniss and Peeta, I feel as if they make a great family as they are the only people who can really understand what goes on in the capitol for Katniss and Peeta. I have planned another everlark fic and have written the first chapter, I'm thinking of posting it, I just know that it would be a lot longer update as I'd want to focus on this one, however it would involve Effie and Haymitch much more than this as it is set after their first games and therefore doesn't have Finncik and Johanna ect in it. Anyway this is turning into a chapter itself! ahhaha thanks for the review and hope you like this chapter, and don't know what you'd think about the other fic I mentioned?**

 **lhaine07: Glad you are liking the vulnerable side to Katniss, I feel that after everything he has been through she can't get through it unscathed, that however doesn't mean to says he won't get better. And glad that you liked Johanna at the end because she is like that ALL the way through this chapter so I hope you enjoy it and thank you a bunch for all your reviews they are just amazing to read :)**

 **Bamboo: Thank you a million! Glad you liked the last chapter as much, this one will be quite intense as Johanna is going a bit wild but that's what makes it all the more interesting :) Hope you don't think that Johanna is too crazy? and that you like this chapter, you're reviews are amazing, thank you so much!**

 **Pearlfever: I think I'm forever to do cliff hangers, though I don't think this chapter is as bad in that sense haha, and not this chapter but the next, there will be an everlark moment which will hopefully make up for the almost kiss. Hope you like this one, and I'll be getting the next chapter up asap as I'm just as eager to read your reviews as you are this fanfic so thank you sooooo much :)**

 **Again a quick disclaimer: These characters are not my own, I'm just using them for a bit.**

 **Also a thank you too Windsongspringheart for the amazing help you have been in writing this!  
And I hope you enjoy this chapter, we have finally got to Coin, and I woud love if you could give us a quick review please, they mean so much to me!**

 **Enjoy :)**

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR, HUH!?" I stand in shock as Johanna pins Coin down in the table by her neck.

The closer me and Peeta walk towards them, the more I see the veins bulging out of Coin's head, the more I see her face turn a shade of blue/red, the lack of oxygen causing her to wheeze.

"Miss Mason, let the Commander go!" Boggs is in the room I notice, clad in a black get-up, gun in hand. He holds a true authority in his presence.

"No! I'd like to know why," she pulls Coin forward and slams her back into the table causing it to shake. "You think that YOU can go behind our backs and decide what we will and will not do!"

"Miss Mason, let her go!" Boggs says this much louder this time.

"Johanna," Haymitch says warningly.

She swiftly whips her head around to face Haymitch, "You think this is okay?"

"No, but strangling her to death won't help matters."

"I'd listen to Mr. Abernathy if I was you, child."

I watch in half satisfaction and anticipation as Coin fluctuates between scrambling at Johanna's fingers, that are locked tightly around her throat, and the table beneath her, searching for a possible weapon.

There is a moment of tense silence as we all stare at Johanna and the struggling form of Coin, wondering if she will ever let go.

There is a moment when Coin stops struggling, and her arms start to limpen, and I think for a moment that she could be dead, and I'm not phased. Is it bad to think like that? Bad to not care? Does that make me as bad as her?

"Johanna." Haymitch approaches her, trying to pull her body off of Coin.

"Come on Haymitch, where are your balls? You know that you want this as much as I do!"

He ignores her, continuing to grip her and pull her off, controlling her wailing form until she is forced to let Coin go.

"What the hell Haymitch!" she half screams and Haymitch places her back on the floor, a good metre or two away from Coin.

"I'd watch your tone, Johanna. Listen to Haymitch. I don't care if you are a Victor, actions such as that are forbidden no matter who you are." Plutarch sounds as if he reciting from a book, his voice croaky and unemotional.

As usual no one really seems to pay him any attention. Everyone is focused on Coin. She is standing back up now, but is hunched over, chugging water down her throat trying to regain her voice. As we wait for her, Plutarch offers us a seat at the table.

"I'd rather stand, thank you." Finnick says. Even though I am tired, my last episode still lingering, I remain standing. As does everyone else, barring Haymitch of course. He drags a chair from the table and sits down sloppily, complaining for old age and too much running for someone like him.

We stand around the table in the place of the seats. It seems stupid, but to us it feels like the only way we can show them that they can't control us all the time. Plutarch especially seems to be calling us 'child' or 'kid' a lot, in place of our actual names. At first I had thought Plutarch to just be another self-indulgent Games maker, but now that he is here, he obviously isn't, but I still don't like him. He might not like the Capitol but he still acts as if he is better than us all, though I'm yet to see what he has done here in 13 to help. Apart from give the occasional scolding, of course.

"So, if you can all refrain yourselves from attacking again, we will explain what is going to happen-"

"Nothing should be going to happen, we haven't said yes to anything!"

"But you want this don't you? The end of the Capitol's controlling reign?"

"As much as I want your sorry arses-"

"Johanna." Haymitch says for what must be the third time. I also watch as Finnick stands on Johanna's toes, quite forcefully, in hopes she will shut up. We might not like this, but acting out will get us less and less freedom around here.

"I think," Coin interrupts, finally able to speak, all be it still croaky. She now stands on the opposite side for the table, near Boggs, as if for protection. "We all need to cam down. I understand that this isn't what we had planned, however after consultation, we decided that this was best. We do not have all the time in the world to make decisions. It is something you will come to understand during this war."

I almost growl at her words, they are so condescending. Acting as if she is the only one who has been who has been in such a situation. I can feel the annoyance radiating off of each of us, though we have yet to say anything about it.

"Can I ask who were your consultants?" Haymitch speaks up, he gives off a mood of light-heartedness but inside I know whichever names Coin says next he plans to kill.

"I don't think that would be any of your business Mr. Abernathy. However it was myself, Plutarch, and Mr. Hawthorne that decided this."

I feel my insides churn as she says this and I feel Peeta's hand around mine tighten in a comforting manner. I look up at him, he is already looking at me, checking to see how I am. Unable to stop, I move closer to Peeta, though we weren't that far apart to start off with.

"I don't think that is enough people to warrant such a decision."

"Well what's done is-"

"Easily undone." Finnick pipes up again. I've noticed that since Haymitch has told him to cheer up he really has. Yes, he doesn't look happy, but he isn't just standing there like a cod fish anymore.

"I'm afraid not, Mr. Odair. The orders have already been given and people are setting up transportation and safety procedures as we speak. It would be a terrible inconvenience."

"Well, you can probably see that it is a terrible inconvenience to them as well." Haymitch says, mocking her words.

"I don't see how, they have not been doing anything which this mission will disturb. Discussion as to whether or not this will happen is over, it will be happening tomorrow."

"You will all be going to District 12 to begin with." I automatically look at Peeta. That is where his parents and brothers are.

"That's cruel."

"That's life, Miss Everdeen? Or would you rather Mellark?"

"They aren't married yet, dick!" Johanna remarks.

"Obviously." Coin says, and I can't help but notice the underlying tone in her voice. Have I once more failed to act? But how when it isn't even much of an act anymore?

"Kat, it's fine. Don't worry about it." He says to me, but I can see the pain on his face and hear it in his voice as he says it.

"Very good, Mr. Mellark. I see you are much wiser than your other half."

"Katniss is plenty clever enough, Madame President."

"We all are. Don't forget, we survived the Games without you once, we can survive this without you too. But you need us, so I'd stop pushing the boundaries that you have, or we won't be staying."

"You won't be doing that though will you, Miss Everdeen? Your family is here, correct? You wouldn't leave them to die now, or was I right? Have you really only done this for fame and glory."

"Don't you dare-"

I feel both Peeta and Finnick next to me.

"Kat, calm down. She just wants a reason to control you. If you act out, she'll have one."

"You need to calm down or you'll have another attack." Finnick points out.

"Well I don't have attacks, so listen here Coin!" Johanna, once more an untameable lion, claws her way towards Coin but not before Haymitch grabs her.

"If you do that, you will cause a whole of problems missy!" I know Haymitch is stuck between the two of us. He is on our side, but he also is trying to make it so we get along and don't mess anything up, but what does he expect from four pissed off Victors?

"I think we all need to calm down. Obviously right now you can't control yourselves, so I'll keep this short." She smiles a sickly sweet smile, something I would expect from a school bully, not the ruler of a District.

"You will all be going to 12 in the morning to shoot a few promo's. There it is safest, and no doubt will create much emotion. Once we have the footage needed, you will move on to District 8. You are Panem's Mockingjay's, all of you. So you will be expected to help. We will drop you off near their hospital, the District has already been severely bombed and is therefore probably the safest place you can go at the moment. As you can see we don't want you dead, we do care about your safety."

Johanna laughs at Coin's words, she, like all for us doesn't believe her words about 'caring for our safety'. Her laugh doesn't go unnoticed, but it certainly gets ignored.

"As I was saying, you will go into the hospital, we will get some footage of you helping them and restoring their confidence in you and then you can come back."

"How exactly are we meant to help in the hospital?" Johanna asks.

"Yeah, she hasn't exactly proven herself to be the most helpful around here." Haymitch is obviously referring to my earlier episode and Johanna's lack of skills in helping me.

"Her anger is a different approach. It will help people who are more affected by that type of reaction."

"And what will we get in return?" Finnick asks.

"Is staying here and not being punished for your actions not enough?" she says this as if she is talking to a child.

"Not when it wasn't all of us that have acted that way."

"You all want something, correct?" in my head the thought of 'you dead' floated past. Perhaps Johanna's violence is affecting me. We all just stand there waiting for her to continue.

"Well, Finnick, I know that you certainly want Annie Cresta. Isn't that correct?" He goes silent, his growing defiance shrinking back as he is hit by such a low blow.

Knowing she has succeeded in shutting him up she moves on to Peeta and I.

"No doubt you two just want to live the rest of your lives in peace?" I cringe slightly but don't let it show. Everyone is still under the impression that we are engaged and have just lost a child.

"Well, I will give you that if you be our Mockingjays, our helpers so to speak, there will be a few others from District 13 to help you, but it will be just you that are on the cameras. Is that clear?"

We all simultaneously nod our heads, like child who were being told off. I hate feeling this way, but unless I want her to lock me up, I've got to just go with it.

"As I'm to understand, you all have check-ups with your doctors today, so once you get the all clear from them you will be ready to go. Now as there is nothing left to discuss, why don't you go now." It isn't a question, but a command, and one I am happy to follow if it means getting away from her.

"Gladly." Johanna says, voicing my thoughts.

Together we make our way to the door without pleasantries of 'thank you' or 'goodbye', it is more of a sombre walk as if we're heading to the gallows.

Just as I make my way through the door and think that I have escaped Coin for the day she calls out to me.

"Oh and Katniss, you need to make your efforts tomorrow 100% believable. After all, haven't you just lost a child?" The door shuts behind us and a cold, anger-filled shudder overcomes me and Johanna does what I was too stupid not to do. Obviously the mention of losing family hit a cord for Johanna.

She slams her fists on the cold grey door, like a toddler pulling a tantrum screaming, "You bitch! You deserve Snow, and you can't keep controlling us!"

She spits on the door and we head towards the doctors. All the while, I think about how I will fake to the world the loss of my 'child', and help those that think I can save them.

It is only the squeeze of Peeta's hand around mine that stops me from screaming.

 **There we have it! Do you think Coin has been put in her place? or will the Victors be back for more? Now we are progressing in terms of war, they'll be off to 12 soon and something is going to happen hahahaha trying so hard not to say anything else!**

 **I hoped you liked this chapter, please leave your thoughts in the reviews I love hearing from you all.**

 **Chapter teaser: Hospital check ups, and a cute Everlark moment, and also the return of Mrs Everdeen! I will be splitting it into 2 parts as it will be too long other wise!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guys, so here is the next chapter, I feel like this one has a bit more Everlark in it for all you everlark fans and it is quite short, as I've split the chapter into two parts, what with it ending up being very long.**

 **Guest: Here you go with the Everlark, hope you like it and thank you for the review!  
**

 **Kien Ton: hahaha she is, and she is only going to get worse. I have something coming that I just cannot wait for! And it involves Coin taking things too far, and having to deal with some of the consequences.  
**

 **Helloeverlarkforever: Thank you! I'm glad that you enjoyed Johanna reaction! And I hope you enjoy this chapter as there is some Everlark in it :)  
**

 **lhaine07: Whilst planning it Gale was just thinking about how Katniss is always trying to protect those around her so he said what he thought and that he thought she would probably want to help out, Coin however has relayed the message a bit differently and is manipulating his words. Thanks so much for the review and your thoughts and I hope that you like this one!  
**

 **Ex2see: So glad you liked it, and thank you a bunch for your reviews! And Coin is only going to get worse, so you'll have to wait and see how things turn out with her and the effect she will have on the victors :)  
**

 **bamboo: Thank you ever so much! So happy that you like the way Johanna acted, I was a bit cautious of it being too much, but then thought, 'well it is Johanna we are dealing with!'. I hope you like this chapter just as much :)  
**

 **Lybhi: Thank you very much for your review! So glad that you like it and think that it is good :) And there will be more sister bonding session to happen and Haymitch is growing a very big soft spot for those victors and things will get better with Gale, but that doesn't mean that they will stay that way!  
**

 **I was wondering how you feel about the way I am balancing things between the rebellion and the everlark relationship and was just wondering what you think about it, if I should focus a bit more on one or the other?**

 **Thank you so much for the reviews of the previous chapter, as you can hopefully tell they encourage me to write so much!**

 **Disclaimer; these aren't my characters, they are Suzanne Collins'.**

 **Hope you enjoy it and would love if you could drop us a review!**

We enter the hospital in 13 together, looking like a lost group of children. So not knowing what to do, we head to reception to ask. We don't doubt that they will know what to do with us as we are high priority on Coin's list. Not for our well-being, but for a usefulness. Because being bed-ridden by the doctors is no good.

At the reception is the same girl that was here before, the one Peeta knows from town. What was her name again? Was it Meghan? And instantly I feel that pang of jealousy that is so foreign to me.

"What can I do for you?" She doesn't look up yet, and I take this opportunity to assess her. I look at her face, a pale complexion, no doubt used to staying inside all the time, what with living in the town. Her fingers are so small and dainty. Her blonde hair is pinned up in a bun and a few stray strands fall loosely, framing her face. There is a slight flush in her cheeks, no doubt she is quite busy at the moment, what with everyone still getting fixed up after the bombing.

But despite her obvious stress, she still looks pretty. Still holds a calmness about her. The same kind of calmness that Peeta carries, and I can't help but think if anything has ever happened between them before.

"Hey, Meghan," She looks up at the mention of her name ,and as soon as she sees the source of the voice she smiles, showing her beautiful teeth I can feel the jealousy growing.

Stop it, I think to myself. This is stupid.

"Hi, Peeta. I forgot you were coming in today. How are you?"

"Obviously not well stup-" Johanna starts to say but Peeta cuts her off with an annoyed look warning her to be nice.

"I'm fine thanks. We were just wondering if they are ready to do our check-ups?"

She looks us all over and I can't help but feel judged, and out of nowhere I move closer to Peeta. My hand remains in his, but my other hand is wrapped around his arm now. I don't know why I do it, but it feels right, and I don't protest when he looks at me, quickly placing a kiss on my forehead whilst Meghan checks her appointment records.

I smile at Peeta, a feeling of satisfaction and warmth settling over me, and this just causes him to smile too, however it turns into a grimace when he rips the cut that Gale gave him just above his lip. Around it, a purple bruise has begun to form.

"You need to get them to fix it." I whisper, the room too quiet for me to feel comfortable talking out loud.

"It only needs a plaster."

"Surely they have some sort of cream or something to make it go down quicker?"

"I'll ask your mom, don't you worry."

"Hey!" I say in mock annoyance. I can't help the protective nature I have come to have around Peeta. I teasingly push my body into his slightly so he briefly looses his balance.

"If we are going out to 12 tomorrow, you need to be okay."

"A cut lip isn't going to stop me from protecting myself, Kat. Don't worry, it's fine."

I still feel guilty and worried for him, it is my fault that Gale hit him, and I've had my fair share of cuts and bruises. No, it isn't the worst, but it isn't the nicest one either.

"Please, just ask for a cream or something to stop the bruising."

"Don't you want to be seen with me if I'm not perfect, cause if that's the case then-"

Meghan annoyingly interrupts our whispered playful banter, bringing our attention back to the matter at hand.

"I'm afraid Doctor Uresils is off today. He isn't feeling too good. Would you like a drink whilst you wait?" She directs the question more at Peeta than at us all. "Then again, will you be able to drink something with that cut. You'll just aggravate it. That looks nasty Peeta!"

"I told him that!" I say, momentarily forgetting my unreasoned annoyance at her.

I can hear the rough chuckle of Finnick who is behind me and I blush feeling very mom-like and hide my head in Peeta's shoulders. I notice that this causes Meghan to crumple her brow in what appears to be annoyance and I can't help the small feeling of triumph I have over this, especially when I feel Peeta's chest move as he chuckles, wrapping his arm around my side.

I am surprised at how touchy-feely we are being at the moment, but right now I feel as if I need it. With everything that has happened so far today, I just need that bit of comfort. I also know that there is a small part of me that is doing this to show Meghan that Peeta is with me. But I do hate myself for it, as I don't want to be the petty girl that questions every girl he speaks to.

"What happened?" She asks, getting Peeta's attention back on her.

"Oh, nothing really-"

"Walked into my fist, wouldn't let me have a piggy-back ride!" Johanna butts in.

"God save the person who gives you a piggy-back!" Finnick says with fake fear.

"What's that supposed to mean, Odair!"

"Nothing, nothing!"

"No, it obviously does and-" They start a never ending silly argument that neither of them actually mean, but for myself and Peeta is quite amusing to watch.

"Could I just have some water please, Meg?"

"Oh, of course!" she says, having momentarily been distracted by the weird actions of Finnick and Johanna. I can't blame her. "If you're sure, but don't blame me when you can't open your mouth tomorrow because you made it worse!" I watch as Meghan walks off to fetch Peeta some water, having forgotten about the rest of us. Not that I wanted a drink really.

"You are getting it checked now!"

"But-"

"End of story!" I put my hands on my his pretending to be annoyed.

"Fine," he sticks his tongue out at me immaturely and I laugh.

"Well, think about it this way," I move closer to him, so our bodies are pressed against each other. I'm not sure where this new found confidence has come from, but I go with it. I push up on my tip toes so my face is level with his and wrap my arms around his neck and slowly bring my lips down to his.

I can feel his heart racing against his chest and I take pride knowing that I am causing this reaction in him, and I haven't even done anything. My lips are almost on his when I change course and head for his ear,

"You won't be able to kiss me if you can't move your mouth." I attempt to whisper it seductively but whom I kidding, it was only whispered.

I listen to him, his breathing slightly quicker as he gulps.

"Kat-"

"Yes, Peeta?" I'm about to kiss his neck when I hear my name and unfortunately see my mom standing behind Peeta watching us.

"Katniss, we are ready for you." I drop down to the flats of my feet, embarrassment swarming through my body. Peeta also steps back, also embarrassed at being caught.

"I'm, er, coming," my mom nods her head at me and turns around back into the room she came out of.

"I'll be back in a min."

"Uhmm, okay." Peeta isn't altogether with it at the moment, so I just chuckle and place a kiss on his lips swiftly.

I'm halfway to the room when I hear Meghan return with water for Peeta. She seems to bring him out of his daze, though he till fumbles for words.

"Thanks, Meg."

"It's okay, Peeta. How've you been?"

"Good. I'm not doing much at the moment. Good. Yeah." I find it funny how despite having such an amazing way with words, I can make him forget English.

I walk into the room my mom entered shaking my head and smiling, no longer feeling any jealousy, and glad for it. My smile, however, drops from my face when my mom is the only person in the room, and she isn't looking very happy.

 **Another Chapter down! In my plans this was meant to be about chapter 10, so I've not been sticking to that very well have I! Hoped you liked this one and the second part is on the way shortly!**

 **Chapter teaser: Katniss and her mom have a talk, she isn't very impressed, coin is manipulating things to her advantage, Gale makes a small entrance, another slight everlark moment with a dash of Finnick and Johanna and can Katniss brave it when it comes to asking her mom about something, and will an awkward conversation unfold because of it?**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi guys so it may have been a very long time since I update, I am so sorry but the amount of work I have right now I'm only just managing to get done and I don't have time for this right now. That doesn't mean I am stopping writing it. All it means is I'm not going to force myself to write if I don't have the time. I should hopefully have a bit more time in a couple of weeks, but for now I'll give you the start of the next chapter.**

 **It hasn't been beta-ed yet so sorry for any mistakes, I will come back and sort them out at a later date but for now I thought I best give you all a bit for being so patient!**

 **So I will reply to reviews when the next chapter comes out as you've waited long enough for this!**

 **Again thank you so much for reading and reviewing/following and favouriting this story it is amazing and thank you for being so patient and sticking with it!**

 **Anyway I hope you enjoy this little snippet of the next chapter and I will see you with the next chapter really soon (the maximum 5 weeks, minimum 1 week!) :)**

 _"_ Have a seat Katniss." As usual my mom is straight to business, she has never been one to chat idly, however this time I feel more like I am in an interrogation room.

She motions for me to sit on the chair/bed that is the centre piece of the room. Like my previous hospital room the walls are a sickly mint green, and cupboards and counters line three of the four walls, all with unwelcoming white surfaces.

"I'm just going to do the manadorty check up's, for something like this and then you can go."

I bite back my retort, so something like this i.e. me, always happens does it? Someone that has been through so much pain and loss and survived and then been expected to lead a nation is a daily occurrence? But I just sit there, clench my jaw and bare it, like I did the Games and like I did snow. I do want to be okay, but I don't want to be okay so someone else can just use me again.

I don't wallow in my self pity, I don't need anymore than I have and it isn't as if there are others in this world who have never suffered.

We sit in silence as my mom shuffles around me, check things, poking and prodding me, giving me sympathetic smiles every time she catches my eye.

Every now and then she tries to start a conversation, asking me how my day has been, but despite wanting to try and connect with her I can't tell her what has happened. She isn't allowed to know. The only thing I could perhaps tell her is of Peeta and I, but right now that isn't something I feel comfortable discussing.

She appears to be almost finished, picking up a clipboard with my name written across the top she 'umm' and 'ahs' over what to put, her brow creasing in concentration as her pen dives for the paper.

However I know my mom well enough to know that this form filling in isn't something that requires such intense though, it is simply writing down the results. So I know there is something that she wants to talk to me about.

Inside I feel slightly disheartened that she hasn't already said it, as it is the with holding of questions that has caused us to argue in the past, and though I could do with telling her a bit more I do wish that she would just ask me already. There isn't much time these days and I don't know how many days I will have left with her during this rebellion.

"What is it?" I ask gently.

"News spreads quick in a small place like this Katniss." Her disappointed tone doesn't go unnoticed by me, but my tolerance for her trying to care is low right now. She of all people should be on my side. But I can hear that she is trying not to show it.

"I think it's probably best if you weren't always with Johanna, she's known for her violence. She was only in the Games 3 years before you. No one bothered with her she seemed so weak. But now we know she isn't. How could you stand there and just let her hurt the woman who has housed us and the entire district?"

I know she is expecting an answer, but I don't have one to give her, she deserves one, I know that much. But I can't tell her about Coin the way she is acting. Because once I do I will have to tell her everything and that would just put her in danger and there cannot be talk of an uprising with Coin when we already have to worry about the one concerning Snow.

"You know, I thought you hated her in the Games, you didn't seem to get on. " She moves to get another medical device that I have never seen before as she mumbles to herself, but I do catch her words.

"Then again I didn't know you cared for Peeta."

We stay in silence for a moment, my mom doing what she does best and me seeming to do what I do best, shut her out.

"Prim has gone home already, she didn't need to work a full day."

"Okay, I'll pop in to see her soon, I've had a busy day, haven't had chance to talk to her yet."

She places the contents of her hands down, releasing a tired sigh.

"What have you been doing?"

I feel a pang of guilt as I answer, "I can't say."

"I know, I shouldn't have asked that. But what I can ask is that you stay away from Johanna, and maybe Finnick as well Katniss, they both have reputations in the Capitol. They have never been normal since the Games-"

I can tell that she is just trying to protect me, keep me as safe as possible, but what she can't seem to wrap her head around is that it is too late.

"What about me?"

She looks at me, confusion blanketing her face.

"What about me mom? Am I a mess too then, should I stay away from everyone as well."

"No, Katniss that isn't what I mean, you, you're different. Finnick and Johanna enjoy it, you saw what they were like in the Capitol, they bathe in our labour."

"You think they want to, you think they have a choice? Isn't that just what I did in the Captiol. WE DON'T HAVE A CHOICE."

I can feel for what seems the tenth time today tears spring to my eyes.

"Katniss I just think that-"

"I'm sorry mom, I know you don't like them and you don't want them around, and trust me, half the time I don't want them around, but I do need them. We've been through the same things, felt the same pain. And try as you might, it isn't something I don't think you will ever fully understand."

I can she her trying to interrupt me, but I need to tell her this, need to help he understand before we start to separate once more.

"I know many people have suffered during this war mom, I know that. But most people have a way of recovering, they have a family to turn to. I'm not saying that I don't, but many of the people the aren't weighted down by the task of representing a rebellion. They don't have to constantly act, be pushed around like a doll. We do, we have been since the Games, I can't tell you in what way, I can't tell you much. I want to, please believe me that I want to. but If I did..."

My mind wanders, rebelliously drawing up scenarios in which Snow torture's my mom, hurts Prim. I shake it off, feeling the anger rising in me, the constant hatred that he taught me to have. The cancerous feeling that grows with each passing day, changing me into someone I didn't know I could be.

I scramble around my head for what I want to say, what I need to say, but I've never been good at words and it doesn't look like I will start being anytime soon so i say the simplest thing I know.

"I've never been reliant on many people mom and there are only a handful I can turn to when I want. But something I can't do is turn away from them. I need them."

 **How is Mrs Everdeen going to react and what will happen when Katniss goes back into the waiting room?**


End file.
